This is a very interesting thread that goes to the heart of a dilemma for many -- how far to carry even a mild fantasy like teasing.
Teasing can be very erotic to someone, but then it can become almost like bullying, and that may indeed be a turn-off for the same person.
Teasing can be done in a loving way, or it can turn into something meanspirited.
And both are erotic to some, but both are not erotic to all.
little belly wrote:this is a sort of old thread but i thot i'd pick it up..
my take on, well, not just teasing or sub/dom things but really, everything, is to talk to my partner/sweetheart about what they like, check in often, and get clear consent.
even if i just want to hug a friend, if i don't know for sure that they like hugs, i ask. it feels really terrible to accidentally cross someone's boundary, regardless of the boundary
talking about what each of you likes and doesn't like sounds scary, and it can be awkward at first, but my experience is it almost inevitably makes excellent foreplay.
in one fell swoop you can find out what kind of teasing a person likes, make them feel safe by asking what their boundaries are and promising to respect them, and at the same time find yourselves getting really turned on by that conversation.
also, anytime something uncomfortable happens (and it does happen, even with the most vanilla kinds of sex!), it's important to find out (if the other person is comfortable with talking about it) what exactly wasn't okay and what to do differently next time. it's helpful in situations like this to step back a little (ie stop the sexy times) but not completely.. usually i like to hold hands or maybe cuddle when talking about things like this.. everyone's differnt tho, so ask yr partner what's comfortable for them.
also, it's worth mentioning that if you upset someone, don't demand that they explain why they're upset.. tell them you'd like to learn from your mistake/learn to be a better lover if they're comfortable with talking about it, but be careful not to pressure them.
hope this is helpful!