Nycfa:
Thank you.
Perhaps I was not as clear as well. I may describe my thought better as follows: when I was in college, I had a buddy who all the girls thought was a cutie and wanted to be with him. He very often declined because he wanted something that wasn’t superficial. I never had that experience myself. But, it made me think that if one is seen in that way regardless of gender (I never was) it would probably be easier to wait for what you want, rather than … something else. I’m not sure how to finish that thought without worry that it will come out sounding wrong, but, if we understand each other, I hope you’ll know what I’m trying to say
There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right partner to come along. A lot of people do it and are perfectly happy with it.
But there is also nothing wrong with persuing. Still, when you persue, you need to take care not to objectify the other person. A lot of the poor interactions people have is due to a lack of basic respect and decency.
I don't wish to poo-poo the struggles your friend had. I am sure they were traumatizing for him. But, when it comes to women (cis and trans), there's a certain level of violence we have to navigate as well.
If a man desires a woman, and she rejects him for whatever reason, she's taking a big risk. Maybe he'll be respectful and step back. But there's a risk that he'll take it as a personal attack and retaliate.
Again, this is not to say men do not experience such things. I personally know some men who have experienced this at the hands of women or other men. But, due to how our society is, women are more likely to be victimized.
