Please do not ask that question when someone brings up a marginalized person that you are not familiar with. It's extremely rude and unflattering. It's okay to ask who they are, but never what.

Ditzy:
What is a Lil Nas X ?
A person, place or thing?

Munchies:
I mentioned very clearly in my post that Lil Nas X is a person, Ditzy. He's a black man who happens to be gay if you want to be more specific.

Ditzy:
My question is :
Why do you think you "owe" them an explanation?
Its really none of their business isn't it?
You wouldn't go around calling attention if one of them put on weight would you?

Seems these days people feel the need to "come out" about almost anything.
Are they searching for acceptance or something else?
I never understood that mind set I just did what I felt I needed to do for my reasons not someone else.
What I do is my business not friends or family.
If its a spouse then I can see it being a thing that needs to be talked about between the two.

I saw a lot of that when I worked part time at an LGBT center but never got a firm answer from any of the people.

Milhause:
I was taught the two things you NEVER ask a woman (should be ppl in general tho): their age and their weight.

I guess you need to be more communicative if it’s really that important but for context I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade, and I’ve never known their weight except for one time when a quirk of our schedules and car needs saw me accompanying her to a drs appointment.

Now granted, my spouse knows I’m a FA and that I find her beautiful and she still doesn’t share her weight or flaunt it. Ultimately, it’s up to your partner how comfortable they are. Personally, I don’t need to know some arbitrary number because I value her for who she is, full stop.

Have a chat with your person if it’s something you feel is important. It may not be a big deal but they also may not want to share that info. Gotta respect it either way.

Enas:
I uuuh, i agree and disagree at the same time with this way of thinking.

I understand the social context, especially for women (you *must* be bellow "x" pounds to be accepted by society, otherwise youre gross, etc) but seriously, how come and in what sense is not talking about something a form of respect? This is generaly a conclusion that is reached when the topic is making someone uncomfortable. But that on its own is a good enough reason to talk

Milhause:
I mean, we can debate about the patriarchy or respect or whatever, but the main reason I don’t ask people their age or weight is because it’s none of my business.

Enas:
Actually, would you agree with me that a better way to put it would be, it would be of no use to ask those things? Because i think leaving some space in some cases is valid. For example if you want to satisfy your curiosity. If thats the case, then the fact that its not about you is not a valid objection. (Uncomfort *would* be a valid one, for example)

Munchies:
Enas, you must have been an Olympic runner in another life. Wisdom has been chasing you, but you are much faster.

Milhause:
I was taught the two things you NEVER ask a woman (should be ppl in general tho): their age and their weight.

I guess you need to be more communicative if it’s really that important but for context I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade, and I’ve never known their weight except for one time when a quirk of our schedules and car needs saw me accompanying her to a drs appointment.

Now granted, my spouse knows I’m a FA and that I find her beautiful and she still doesn’t share her weight or flaunt it. Ultimately, it’s up to your partner how comfortable they are. Personally, I don’t need to know some arbitrary number because I value her for who she is, full stop.

Have a chat with your person if it’s something you feel is important. It may not be a big deal but they also may not want to share that info. Gotta respect it either way.

Enas:
I uuuh, i agree and disagree at the same time with this way of thinking.

I understand the social context, especially for women (you *must* be bellow "x" pounds to be accepted by society, otherwise youre gross, etc) but seriously, how come and in what sense is not talking about something a form of respect? This is generaly a conclusion that is reached when the topic is making someone uncomfortable. But that on its own is a good enough reason to talk

Milhause:
I mean, we can debate about the patriarchy or respect or whatever, but the main reason I don’t ask people their age or weight is because it’s none of my business.

Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)

Munchies:
Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.

Enas:
I get that! Im only saying that it isnt rational (nothing about our society is particularly rational to be fair)

Munchies:
Beloved, your definition of rational is Vulcan. You view emotion as something apart from logic when, in truth, logic devoid of emotion is not logical at all.

Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Enas:
I wrote this mostly as a reply to Milhause said, which can be better described as some sort of silent social pact between people rather than everyone's boundaries.

As for the OP, it is a metaphorical jungle that they have to go through. It seems their relationship has not been solidified adequetally. (that will be true ehrn they can talk about anything without trying to dodge topics)

Munchies:
Beloved, the silent social pact between people is a boundary. You know why women don't want to talk about such things. You admitted as such yourself. Therefore, talking about it without expressed permission from that person it crossing a boundary.

It's like if I decided to ask you about your finances. Unless we have a relationship where it's appropriate to discuss such things, it's terribly rude and invasive. As such, there's a silent social pact not to do that.

Milhause:
I was taught the two things you NEVER ask a woman (should be ppl in general tho): their age and their weight.

I guess you need to be more communicative if it’s really that important but for context I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade, and I’ve never known their weight except for one time when a quirk of our schedules and car needs saw me accompanying her to a drs appointment.

Now granted, my spouse knows I’m a FA and that I find her beautiful and she still doesn’t share her weight or flaunt it. Ultimately, it’s up to your partner how comfortable they are. Personally, I don’t need to know some arbitrary number because I value her for who she is, full stop.

Have a chat with your person if it’s something you feel is important. It may not be a big deal but they also may not want to share that info. Gotta respect it either way.

Enas:
I uuuh, i agree and disagree at the same time with this way of thinking.

I understand the social context, especially for women (you *must* be bellow "x" pounds to be accepted by society, otherwise youre gross, etc) but seriously, how come and in what sense is not talking about something a form of respect? This is generaly a conclusion that is reached when the topic is making someone uncomfortable. But that on its own is a good enough reason to talk, not about the topic itself but about the reasons that this is the case! It takes some bravery but isnt it so much better to be able to handle thinking or even talking about something of importance?

My point here is not so much about the conclusion per se, but of the thought (or maybe the non-thought) process whith which that conclusion was approached. I think its not rational. It helps to avoid (dealing with) conflict rather than resolve it for example. And i think a rational approach would be of great utility because there is a lot of trauma that cannot otherwise be adressed and dealt with.

Im saying this, not in the sense that its not bad to ask women (or everyone) about their weight and height, but to point out that this situation where women will become uncomfortable by these things is really *not* okay. Because this uncomfort is a mere symptom of the traumatic patriarchical order of things. Men have long ago defined in this society what a woman (and also a man) should look like, behave, etc, in order to be accepted. There is a fairly new development, which is that in its briliancy this system (instead of realizing this is a very toxic thing to do) has made women doing it too, as if that has some potential other than doubling the toxicity.

Munchies:
It's about boundaries. When someone has a boundary, you do not cross it. Now, in some contexts, if the relationship allows for such closeness, you can have a conversation about that. But seeing as OP has been dating his gf for 4 months, he ain't there.

Milhause:
I was taught the two things you NEVER ask a woman (should be ppl in general tho): their age and their weight.

I guess you need to be more communicative if it’s really that important but for context I’ve been with my partner for almost a decade, and I’ve never known their weight except for one time when a quirk of our schedules and car needs saw me accompanying her to a drs appointment.

Now granted, my spouse knows I’m a FA and that I find her beautiful and she still doesn’t share her weight or flaunt it. Ultimately, it’s up to your partner how comfortable they are. Personally, I don’t need to know some arbitrary number because I value her for who she is, full stop.

Have a chat with your person if it’s something you feel is important. It may not be a big deal but they also may not want to share that info. Gotta respect it either way.

Zlukz:
But training hard will make me lose fat. But I want to be fatter ! 😅

Enas:
What about cycling? 🤔
(asking because i really love cycling!)

Zlukz:
That sport is also one of those that I used to practice and I still love this sport. But I’m starting to be a little plump in my cycling clothes and I have difficulties to do the same distances than the ones I used to ride. Any tips for fat cycling ?

Enas:
OH i dont have any clothes specific for cycling, i just care about the distances i can cover! (I would love to go into a trip in the mountains with my bicycle and potentially other people with theirs too! I just dont wanna polute while having a fun trip! >~

Zlukz:
Would love too but I’m starting to be too fat to do such a thing 😅