Yeah, I feel the same way. I was a fat kid bullied in PE class and it ruined the experience of exercise for me.

I don't, at least not yet (it's been rising since at least February or March), but I feel a lot of the weight gain went to my chest.

Maybe it's in my head.

The other day, a friend of mine and I were joking that I should take advantage of this and try to milk myself to sell the milk. 🤦‍♀️

I suspect I might have PCOS (symptoms since my puberty hit: severe acne, hairloss, I gain weight easily, but I can't lose any unless I almost eat nothing, high prolactin is a symptom...) but:

- my last testosterone level was normal (according to my OB/GYN)
- my ovaries don't have any cysts (I know it doesn't rule out PCOS but with the other findings I guess it does)
- my anti mullerian hormone level was normal

I also have most (if not all) the symptoms of hypothyroidism but TSH, T3, T4 are all normal. TRH hasn't been tested yet.

💜

I love my boyfriend so much, I've never felt that way about anyone before.

I love his curly hair! I play with his curls, twirling my fingers in them. It's so soft, too.

It reminds me of the curls my grandma used to try to do in my own hair back when I was a kid.

She'd twirl them while wet over rags but they would never stay curly for long.

Just found this post (see page 1) from not that long ago... Haven't been able to lose any weight since then... Now some of size M clothes are getting tight, so I bought a few size L which I seen to reach for most days because I feel less self conscious in them.

It's a vicious circle that I can't seem to get out of, and I regret getting rid of most of my "fat clothes" as I lost weight.

It's like I thought I'd stay thin forever, against all odds and statistics. After a few years of maintaining a much lower weight (BMI around 22, when it used to be well over 30), I had convinced myself I was the exception to the rule. I'm not, and it's a brutal realization.

Waiting for an investigation in endocrinology because some of my hormones (prolactin especially) are at abnormal values. I hope they find what's wrong and it can be fixed, but I'm worried they'll conclude "nothing" is wrong with me and I'll have to accept the fact that I'll always be fat.

I'll try but I don't know how to bring up the subject without it being a little ackward...

I already told him that I've always hated my own loose skin (saggy breasts, arms and thighs) but I realized by touching him that the skin on these parts of his body are so much softer (and extra sensitive).

That out bodies are beautiful with their "scars of war" (not just because of the weight issue, on top of both being late diagnosed autistic and ADHD, we've always struggled with our mental health).

My boyfriend (who probably weights less than I do right now) used to be over 200 lbs back when he drank and still has a small doughy belly and cute moobs.

He'll often say "I feel fat..." while grabbing his muffin top shamefully or ask "Am I disgusting?" whenever he's shirtless (unless I ask him to take it off he'll usually keep his top on while we're making love).

I find it heartbreaking that he would think that... I reply: "I love all of your body just the way it is and would have felt the same way if I had met you when you were bigger. My own body isn't perfect, we both have loose skin, that's a consequence of losing a lot of weight."

He knows I'm also into girls and, although he identifies as a cis-het male, he has a strong feminine side to him and isn't ashamed of it. I've told him many times I love how his long curly hair and small breasts make him looks androgynous, even more so when I don't have my glasses on (I have very severe myopia).

How I wish I had met him years ago when he was fat (minus the alcoholism... he says he used to drink so much beer he could gain 30 lbs in a month from all the sugar and extra calories) and how I fantasize about going away for a while and coming back to a much fatter version of him, like in the pictures he showed me.

During lovemaking, I think of these and how it would be like if he regained the weight. How winded and sweaty he would be, how heavy his body would feel on me, his belly fat brushing against my own...

This makes me orgasm so hard!

Knowing how self conscious he feels about these body parts, I try my best to resist the urge to touch his drooping belly or moobs during missionary... but it's hard and sometimes my hands will "slip" and catch a glimpse of exquisite softness...

The rest of the time, I grab his butt (which he obviously enjoys), love handles (if he notices he doesn't seem to mind) or the fat on my own belly or thighs (ugh) to trick my brain into thinking I'm touching HIS fat, but it doesn't work as well.

I wish I could tell him how I really felt, but although he says he doesn't mind my recent weight gain (all his former girlfriends were larger than me) and sincerely thinks I looked just as pretty at my heaviest (he's seen pictures), he's made it pretty clear he disliked being fat and feels much better in a thinner body.

(To be continued at a later date.)

Does that mean new nerves grow? I would have thought the ones already there just ... I guessed, spread to the larger area?

At this point just going outside and face the world in my current body is a struggle. I can walk for a long time but even at my thinnest I get really winded whenever I run. I really don't want to be the neighborhood's out of shape fat girl running... The less attention I draw to myself, the better.

This is starting to happen to me more often. I used to buy men XL t-shirts to sleep in and they fit a little like a dress. No one could tell if I had underwear on or not (I prefer to sleep without them). Now I definitely couldn't wear them without panties and even then they would be much too revealing!

You look very thin in your profile picture. I wouldn't worry about it. You probably were too skinny to being with?