That her sex drive dropped off as she gained does not mean it was because she gained......anymore than wedding rings cause a loss of sex drive, no matter what the comedians say.

Is she depressed, have health issues, lack of time or energy, maybe not feeling emotional closeness, went on or off medication of whatever sort..... Don't just look at the most visible change. After all, if she went to a doctor about it, and doc said "you got fat; lose weight". You wouldn't be happy with the analysis.

This, totally this.....

Sweet!

I had a friend I was that sort of jealous of, but I had to save it mostly for writing stories.

I know that this is months old... but going to add something anyway.

At some point, when he's not on a bad diet, how about talking about both of you working on the quality of what you eat, and making sure you have daily activity. Maybe you are a star at this already, but make it collective, not you lecturing him, if you possibly can.

Don't expect a perfect, sudden, change, but agree on steps to take. Maybe paying attention to salt intake first (which means cutting down on fast food and prepared foods to a fair degree usually). Salt being a kind of neutral, non-fat related, so maybe safer topic, but going lower salt tends to drive healthier choices. Then maybe reducing soft drinks in favour of more water or milk, etc.

Baby steps in the right direction, that will help him be healther and feel better in the long run. And after a year or more of baby steps, he can start feeling pretty good about the quality of what he eats, which hopefully makes him fell better about his size.

Good luck!

Just one thing to note: a lot women can have their sex drive go up during much of pregnancy, but drop after the baby (darn hormones! but also exhaustion, responsibility, etc).

So no matter how she is enjoying it now, this may or may not continue after the baby comes--just don't be too let down if that support suddenly vanishes.

As for what she is feeling right now, eh, go with the flow, enjoy what you have, sometimes questioning too much can just break what you seek to understand.

Good luck, and enjoy!

Fantastic--glad it worked out so well for you

To be honest, you sound a lot like my wife and I, with the FA/feeder type impulses swapped around. What/how you talked about the situation seemed similar enough that I suspected there was a similar dynamic at work!

I think you know that communication is the key. But I can see one twist that could make that a bit hard, which is how each of you are on the scale of seeing feeding as a dominance thing. I mean, there are people who just take a mutual joy in it, there are people want a dominating feeder and a submissive feedee, and there are people who want a dominating feedee and a submissive feeder, and of course all points in between (and probably for a lot of people they can like two or three things, depending on the situation, who they are with, etc). That you referred to yourself as an encourager probably says something right there about your feelings? (and I see in your profile you said you are a mutual gainer, which may be another twist on things?)

So maybe start with a bottle of wine, some candle light (so your faces aren’t so exposed, to make it feel safer), and some talk about what emotions you each attach to feeding, or something like that? Could be joint fantasizing about what a perfect feeding would be like? Or, for a more modern twist on it, do it as a text message conversation.

Or, if he comes to sites like this at all, ask if he has stories involving feeding that he really likes?

And I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “Remember, I’m a virgin feeder, I’m sure I’m going to like it, but this first couple of times may be a bit awkward!”

Good luck

A few semi-random thoughts and questions, then a few suggestions further down. All based only on what I’ve read of your situation and my own extrapolation on it—in other words I am likely wildly off base, you should take this with a cup of salt, and other appropriate disclaimers.

- By the sounds of it, your boyfriend is generally more relaxed about things than you are?
- Our secrets become bigger and bigger deals to us as we hold them in, and are almost always a bigger deal to us than to others.
- My experience is that guys, especially fairly young ones, are less apt to worry about what is right or normal versus what is going to get them laid, compared to women (gross generalization I admit).
- I would guess that your boyfriend would have good reason to think himself fortunate to have you as his girlfriend. You sound like the more driven one, while it sounds like he goes with the flow a bit more?
- It sounds like you are both thinkers, with a lot of stuff going on inside your heads that never makes it out?

To me it sounds like the two of your are trying to dance without anyone taking the lead, so it is confusing for both of you. But, since you are much more focussed on this than he is, I think you probably owe it to yourself to lead. It may not come naturally to you in this regard, but I think some firm signals could help the two of you get much more in sync.

As to how to signal, I’d say you really have three options: analytical, metaphorical, and action based. You could dabble with just using one and see where it gets you, or you could really press things and hit all the buttons.

By analytical I mean trying to put all of this into words. From your posts, it looks like you think analytically, or at least tend to communicate that way, so this might be the most natural for you? But you haven’t done it yet, which says it might also be the hardest for you when it comes to this topic? This would cover things like explaining that you like big guys, but prefer them active and able to do things with you, etc, etc….all that you posted here. Personally I’d think maybe this would be the one to leave to last, if needed.

Metaphorical is to give him ideas or comparisons that he can work with. None of these may work for you, but hopefully you get what I’m trying to show, things like “Dress up like a burly lumberjack and you can have me anywhere you like, that look is just meow!” or “Bah to the meterosexual look. I’m not against a guy taking care with his appearance, but I prefer the classic more blue collar look, some muscle but some padding on top too.” Or (pointing out a couple where the woman is much smaller than the man) “Wow, she’s lucky, imagine how small and how protected she must feel when next to him?” Or, when he points out some really big guy and asks if you’d still be attracted to him that big say “Sure, so long as you could still come biking and hiking with me. I like momentum, that takes mass and speed….” Hopefully you get the idea, give him an image or model that may not be perfectly what you want, but is in the right ballpark. Don’t say “be like this” but make it clear that being like that would be good.

As for actions, well, all sorts of actions tend to speak louder than words to guys, but obviously sex shouts especially loudly. Maybe combine a really big meal with a bit to drink, enough to justify you acting tipsy (and enough to lower your inhibitions enough to actually do it), and do something like give a quick rub to his stretched out belly and commend “I want you on top of me, I like feeling pinned down by your weight when you are all full like this.” In a less blatant sort of way, if he has clothes that are getting tight, take him shopping for the size he needs, make him try stuff on, and comment on how good he looks in the proper fitting sized. Throw in some comment of “No whining about what size the label says. Find what is YOU sized, and I promise you’ll look so good that I’ll want to peel the clothes right back off of you.” And once he does model things in the right size, make sure they get bought, then hurry him home for fun assuring him that you were turned on by how good he looked. (taking him shopping for larger clothes clearly shows you don’t mind him looking bigger, sex afterwards says that you weren’t just being understanding but honestly think he looks hot that way).

Again, all just my thoughts, and if any of them remotely apply to your situation it is probably just good luck, so your mileage may vary, no warrantee express or implied, etc.

Good luck, and try not to stress about it too much!

congrats!