Like oatmeal, polenta and grits are pretty cheap, too, and you can make all of these in savoury versions as well as sweet. Roasted veg, cheese if you aren't vegan, herbs, etc. all can go in and make a thick hearty mush. And depending on how thick you make them, you can put them in the fridge, and then slice and fry the next day. (Polenta is obviously best for that.)

I actually think this is too complicated to discuss in yes/no terms.

Most of the time, I answer and say 'thanks for the compliment but not interested' or some version thereof. But sometimes it's the 15th message in a day, or I'm in the middle of an intense chat, or the person has written multiple times, or it feels completely perfunctory and unspecific, or any others of a host of reasons, and I don't write back.

I am generally polite, but I do nonetheless reserve for myself the right not to respond to every single message and still be called polite and thoughtful.

I think the problem is worse here than anywhere else I've been, and I think that's because fat in general and gaining in particular are so reviled by almost everyone. That makes people more secretive, and far less able to meet their needs anywhere but here.

And while I do think it's to be expected, and people should be able to stand up to it, I also think we should be generous to the women who can't. It isn't easy. I'm pretty tough, and in the early days it got to me sometimes, too.

It would be a gift to the site if someone with great charm and good writing skills wrote a guideline to the early days of chatting. Then we could point everyone to it when they join, and they could point the ***s to it when they're bothered.

The Big Fat White Vampire novels were mentioned in a thread here a while back.

There is a story in the fat erotica collection, *Zaftig*, about a BHM who goes to a weight loss clinic, and starts dating the diet coach who's secretly a feeder. Very much worth a read--great collection in general.

I'm sure I'll think of more--I'll post again if I do.

There are also films, of course--Chocolat (Juliette Binoche opens a magical chocolate shop in a dull village in France), La Grande Bouffe (early 70s, French, a group of men decide to eat themselves to death), and many others.

I'm ENFJ, the Teacher, lol. Soooooooo true. And a good crowd--Gorbachev, Oprah, Ralph Nader, Eleanor Roosevelt... I can live with that.

In case it helps someone tip a decision someday in the future, I just want to say the following:

There have been times when I've been without work, and in serious need of employment and food and rent money, and I've still turned down work from racists and misogynists.

If I had to do it again, I would. I don't need money so badly that I need work for haters. My friends and family respect my ethics, and they would take me in if I were so badly affected by the decision. It never came to that, because things usually work if you put your head down and work hard--even during a recession. For me, being able to live with myself matters more than whether I can only afford rice and beans for a month.