Munchies:Yes. It's called whipping out the graphs and charts.
You made a lot of claims about women. While I will not deny these claims are true for some women, are you sure they are as widespread as you assume them to be?
Keep in mind you have been explaining to women how women work. Are you really sure you want to hang your hat on that? Really and truly? This is after making statements about how women do not understand how men work.
The word "some" is your best and safest word choice. Words have denotations and connotations. You seem to understand the denotations (dictionary definitions) but struggle to understand the connotations (implied meaning).
Think again about the example I gave you. Think about how different the connotations of those words were and how they changed the sentence's meaning.
The same applies here.
Malvineous:Ok, here are two articles that each cite multiple studies on what women find attractive in men.
businessinsider.com/science-backed-qualities-in-men-women-like-2016-6confidencetoachieve.com.au/what-women-want-in-a-man-according-to-science/I haven't been explaining to women how women work. I've been giving my thoughts on gendered differences in socialization/psychology, for both men and women who are reading the thread. It's not a private conversation. I know that women fully understand how they work. However, I don't think either gender fully understands how the other works, because each person is limited to their own perspective. Having conversations like this could be a way to reach some kind of understanding about each other.
I didn't expect everyone to agree with me, but I hoped to discuss the ideas on their own merits instead of simply getting told my language is wrong. I asked in good faith how to express the SAME ideas about patterns better, instead I'm basically told not to express them in the first place. Those are the connotations of what you're telling me. Again, I'm not attached to being right about this, but I do care about being able to speak on the topic. It's true that it may not be as widespread as I think, but that's an opportunity to give me some examples that you think are more widespread, and we can discuss.
The example you gave me of 'most men beat their wives' would only bother me because it's untrue. However, if you were to phrase it the other way around, and say that 'most partner abuse is committed by men', then that wouldn't bother me because it is true. My ego isn't wrapped up in such things. (Unless it were used as justification to reach some wild conclusion like 'that's why you should never trust your boyfriend' ). Also, how is saying 'most women are attracted to multiple things in a partner beyond the physical' as bad as saying 'most men beat their wives'? If we look at the connotations, then what I said would paint women in a more flattering light than men, because it would imply they're less "shallow".
So, Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus was written in the 90s, right? I think many of us have learned, since then, that a lot of behavior that we ascribed to being gender-based, is really just socialized. Men could be “shallow” about physical appearance because they have agency and power and were allowed to be shallow by society. Boys will be boys, no guy will date you unless you’re a size 2, gentlemen prefer blondes. Very thin women were in vogue in the 70s and 80s, more athletic-to-curvy women are in vogue today. Male genetics didn’t change, social beauty standards did.
But in 2023 there’s also a growing issue with young men who can’t find a date, despite all the agency and power that comes with their gender. Is it because there’s a much wider dating pool for women due to technology? 30 years ago a 20-something woman and a 30/40-something man would never really socialize, except maybe in work. Now they’re on the same dating apps, and women can be much more “shallow” in the ways men used to be. And that’s just one angle. The 20-something guy who’s really great at JRPGs but not much else has to compete with a whole lot of other folks he didn’t have to compete with 20 or 30 years ago. I don’t know if it’s all good or all a bad thing, but I think it highlights that preferences in partners aren’t hardwired by gender. At least to me.
But it’s also a distraction from what the OP is really struggling with, which is more serious.
