Hi, Kel,

Somewhere in the forums is a loooong thread about this, and there are others. It's a matter of taste, first and foremost--some people like big round bellies, and others like folds and rolls.

Lots of people seem to believe that the double belly comes from wearing tight jeans or other things that create the 'divide' during the day. Dunno. Never been convinced one way or the other, myself.

But I think all you need to ask yourself is what you like, what looks good to you. You may not be able to change what you've got, but it might be easier just to like what you have.

I certainly wouldn't mind looking like a more womanly version of that painting!

Coop, that's a great piece of writing!

Hmmmm, me. I expanded like a balloon at puberty, when I was put on the pill to relieve bad menstrual cramping. It was kinda like an inflation cartoon, complete with stretchmarks. Bang--your run-of-the-mill high school chubster in the 150 (freshman year)to 180 (at graduation) range. (Of course, there was lots of dieting in there, encouraged by the 'such a pretty face' parents and relatives, including Atkins in his first incarnation.) Stayed around that size in college, a bit up and down, to the tune of lots of humiliation by 'friends' and lots of 'I'd like a side of fat, please' from men who wanted me but not to be seen with me.

Spent my twenties in and out of university, bouncing around 180-200, mostly. I decided to get married just as I was finishing my degree at 27 and going to graduate school, and I starved myself--no solid food for four months--down to 155. Gained it all back quickly, of course, with some interest. Lost it all on Nutrisystem. Got pregnant, gained it all back with interest. So, started at around 200, and managed to creep slowly up to 220 over the next fifteen years.

Then about three years ago I started gaining intentionally. Gained very very fast--40 lbs in three months--then was with family and stuff and lost about 20 (unintentionally). I've regained and lost over and over, not intentionally, but am 245 at the mo, trying to find those last 15lbs!

Hi, Ardeth,

I'm sorry you hadda go through that, but I think you're quite right about the two clues.

If someone only ever wants to talk about fat and gaining, there are two possibilities: 1) they're married or in a relationship, and that's all that's missing; 2) they're a fake.

If someone refuses to meet you after chatting for a long time, odds are they're fake. Or married. Or something bad.

Time to move 'em on out...

Thanks, hon. My sentiments exactly.

Dear Voluptuous Bren: I guess I'm impossibly thick, but I am indeed 5'2" and 245 lbs. And not only am I reasonably sure I'm not a fake, but I've met at least a dozen people from this site who probably think I'm unlikely to be fake, too.

Stick around, and you may even get to meet some even more impossibly thick people from here. We may be impossible, but we're kinda fun!

I love really good food, and when I could stand for longer (nothing to do with weight) I was a serious cook. I would love to find a mutual gainer who loves to cook and loves good food.

(Shameless plug: you'll see evidence of my cooking past in some of my stories--lots of meals and sometimes even recipes )

Oh, my. I was totally agreeing with this previous post, until the PS. The fact that 95% of diets fail is simply that. A fact. It isn't about causes. If 95% of diets fail, there is something wrong with dieting. No 95% of people can be lazy misfits. It's a bad way to approach data.

Next, for the record, two points to many of the responses above. I never said fat is ONLY genetic, only that it is significantly so. I don't think anything having to do with people has a single cause--people, bodies, health, social behaviour, are all too complicated to be singular like that.

When I diet, I have to eat under 1000 kcal a day to lose weight, and when I do that, I feel ill. That describes some people's experiences and not others. And before you ask about exercise, most of my adult life, until the MS and fibromyalgia got bad, I worked out at a gym for 1.5 hours 3x/wk. Cardio and weights, the whole package. I can do a lot to be healthy, but I can't easily lose weight, or keep it off.

As for jokes: I really hope I never said no fat jokes are funny. I think the comedians named above--Jo Brand, Phil Jupitus, I forget the third--are wonderfully funny, including when they're talking about fat. When jokes say 'All fat people shovel food in their mouths, all blondes are dumb, all black men are well-endowed...' Those are stereotypes. They are ugly and negative, and they hurt people. But the world has an infinite realm of possibilities for comedians, and lots of wonderful, smart, intense, creative stand-ups make lots of jokes about all kinds of things without resorting to stereotypes like that.

I like their comedy a lot better. And it doesn't support people who don't give me good health care because I'm fat, don't want to rent me a flat because I'm fat, don't want to hire me because I'm fat, and all the other things we know about discrimination against fat people.