qtpie8124:
I meant to change the title, maybe body dysmorphia and kink would be better.

So I chat to some folks online and someone requested a video of me doing some situps and squats. I was able to complete them with minor struggle but the playback horrified me. I couldn't believe how fat I looked and I immediately started to cry, panic attack, hyperventilation etc. Before the pandemic I worked out five times a week and was so much more active. I felt strong and capable in my body. Seeing myself on camera like that made me realize, I think, that I really don't want to actually gain and I felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, I had been telling myself it's ok to indulge because of this kink, tying to love the belly because I felt like I was supposed to feel good about it because of the kink, and I guess I did in the moment. And I respect other people's decisions to go the whole nine yards but fuck it just hit me how fat I'd become and how much I was letting myself go...for sexual gratification. Which is like everyone's wet dream for obvious reasons but I am obviously not ready to keep going down whatever road I'm on.

How do people balance not wanting to actually gain, having teasing, humiliation kinks around weight gain, a belly fetish, and the psychological aspects of this? Has anyone had experience with body dysmorphia and this kink?

Feedmesqueezeme:
I understand what you mean and have even felt that way myself. I love fat and gaining and have gained almost 100lbs over 7 years; which I know isn’t quick. I feel I sometimes get sucked into listening to what other people want for my body; with comments like, “you’d look great at 350lbs, why don’t you gain another 10lbs etc),
especially since I post photos and I am relatively active in the community.

It can be difficult when it gives me such sexual gratification but I find I have to regularly step back and remember what I want. At the end of the day you have to live in your body. For me I regularly go to the gym and eat relatively healthy as I found a lot of my body dysmorphia was intensified by back pain and generally feeling sluggish from eating junk food.

I still try and indulge and stuff occasionally but I am really trying to unlearn the cycle of binge eating and enjoying getting fatter then feeling awful and trying to eat low calorie, unsustainable diets on repeat. It’s a slow process but you have to do what is best for you at the end of the day.

MrClown:
Struggling with this myself at the moment.

I worked really hard on my fitness last year, and damn it was nice getting to a point where I could do boring everyday things like walking around the supermarket without looking like a fat freak dripping with sweat and struggling to breath. It was the fittest I have been in nearly a decade and it felt great to be more active.

Then I started binge eating again to self-medicate a period of worse than usual depression, it snowballed and before I knew it I put on over 30kg. The extra weight made movement much more difficult, which slowly chipped away any and all motivation I had to exercise, and now my level of fitness is non-existent again.

Currently I'm just enjoying the food too much to stop, even though I probably should.

It's seemingly impossible to balance my rampant desire for food with my aspiration to be fitter and have a more active and fulfilling life.

Fatgirl1:
More of a foodie than a feedee. Due to medical issues I had to lose weight starting in 2020. It was a bizarre feeling losing and being so restrictive in my diet. I was never into sweets or chocolate so that didn’t bother me. Cut out all rice, bread, potatoes and pasta.
Lost the weight never hitting my goal weight however. Still a BMI that categorized me as obese. You couldn’t tell however. Started healing from major surgery and started gaining. Belly exploded in size. Still not eating those goods but I’m eating a lot more in quantity.
This gain was short lived. Cardiologist was beside himself. Back on strict diet having to lose again. My fantasies haven’t changed. Still wish I was north of 300. Love how my body feels when I’m so fat. But, the stress at this point is just too much. It will have to stay a fantasy. This site lets me indulge in reading about every bodies experiences. Living vicariously is going to be the way it has to be now.

Kissasta:
Got a McDonald's just down the street from work and I've started down the path of 1 quarter pounder/big Mac or two cheese burgers with 6 nuggets and a large mocha frappe on the regular. My biggest worry with them is just the massive sodium content lol

Mrchubbs:
Yeah oh well you only live once lol so minus well live it getting to be the biggest you can get 🙃 worry about sodium intake in an after life

doublefrosted:
congratz on the gains so far! it looks like in this last week you've found a steady amount of heavy cream you can easily consume. i hope that helps you see a steady continued increase.

something worth considering - the increase in your waist may not be visceral fat, or at least may not be as much as you assume. some people store more fat in the stomach region regardless of the type of fat. it's just unfortunately difficult to gauge how much is visceral vs subcutaneous.