Talk of duty reminds me of hard lessons.

I used to have an unhealthily self-sacrificing attitude toward even casual acquaintances. It took a long time to realize that I couldn't please everyone, and it wasn't my responsibility to read minds or predict people's desires.

I adore helping people still. I love giving gifts, and part of my attraction to being a feeder comes from the desire to spoil and nurture someone's growth and happiness.

And perhaps almost everyone needs love, or even deserves it--but it took me too long to realize that it was okay for me to not be the one to provide that love, or helpfulness, or even kindness.

I am human. I make mistakes. I am limited. To say otherwise is deluded or arrogant. And so I accept that some people's needs and desires are beyond my capability to provide--and it might always be so despite the possibility for growth on my part. I may try--if I feel I will find joy in the effort--but I will not see it as a failing if I cannot reach those heights.

To recognize these limitations and to accept them is part of a very important kind of love: self-love. To then set those expectations and boundaries based on what you can provide is a furthering of self-love as well as a means of showing compassion and openness to others. To do so requires vulnerability, and its reward is a greater understanding on everyone's part of what is realistically possible in a given situation. An empty promise of absolute devotion is only worth as much as wind. Better to make promises you can keep to those who will truly appreciate what humble gifts you can give.

For me, "unhinged" starts with non-consent. The unsuspecting feedee, lulled into a relaxed, insatiable hunger.

~~~

I imagine returning home with a partner after an evening out; she ate moderately, careful not to let her hidden gluttony show in public, suppressing cravings they know her shouldn't indulge. She takes a seat on the couch and put on something to watch to distract herself from the hunger pangs, and I go to make us some drinks.

I slip something into her drink: a dense shot of THC quencher, no CBD--the latter is an appetite suppressant, after all. No alcohol, either--I don't need them any more nauseous than they have to be, and we don't need alcohol to relax anyway.

She trusts me, after all.

I'm lucky she likes ginger ale. I bought the real thing; ginger will help with digestion and nausea. The ginger flakes in the glass mix with the shot, and I gently stir the concoction. It's "sugar free" too--though I was eager to note that it used artificial sweeteners.

Not many people realize they cause sugar cravings. She had a big cup of diet coke earlier with dinner, and our meal was savory, low on carbs; she'll be craving something sweet about now, if I had to guess. So I bring back a tub of ice cream--Bunny Tracks, their favorite, and I appreciate why; salty, sweet, and crunchy, its various flavors and textures are a perfect indulgence.

She looks a little confused at the ice cream as I hand her the drink. "Dessert," I explain. "It's a little frozen, so we'll let it melt a bit."

She accepts the explanation and starts sipping on her drink. It's too much to expect an immediate effect, but my heart skips a beat in anticipation. There's an entire cake in the fridge, pizza in the freezer, chips in the pantry, to say nothing of the plentiful leftovers from many nights of her reluctant refrain, "I'm full; we'll save it for later."

After a while of cuddling and kissing on the couch, giggling about our show, I take a couple of weed pills from my pocket to split between us, and she accepts. Not too high a dose; it's mostly to provide a reasonable explanation the much greater high they'll be feeling soon, and I need to stay mostly lucid. She reaches for the drink to wash the pill down, but it's empty, and she's already scooping out some ice cream to wash it down instead. I hide an excited smile as I get up to get more to drink.

The shot begins to take effect after another episode goes unwatched, evident from her increasingly frequent giggles at even the slightest amusement. I love this part about her, truly.

I want to listen to her laugh forever.

"I think I'm feeling the weed already," she says with a smile. "Seems a bit early--and strong."

I rub her back and make sure my voice betrays only concern, not excitement. "It's probably because you're mostly on an empty stomach. You didn't eat much at dinner. Want me to warm something up? We still have those pork buns."

She nods, fixated on the show, even as she absent-mindedly lifts another spoonful of ice cream to her mouth. Her pace is surprising me, and a cute dribble of melted cream shines on her chin. When I return with the steamed buns, I make sure to give her a kiss and lick the stray drops off; she giggles.

Soon, the buns are chasing the ice cream down, and she's eating ravenously. I keep her well hydrated with ginger ale--the resulting quiet burps only stir me up more--and set a leftover shake in front of her to thaw before starting the pizza in the oven. I return to see most of the buns gone and all the last of the ice cream dripping into her eager mouth as she tilts up the tub.

She belches loudly this time, and hides her face, embarrassed. I respond by kissing her forehead. "I'm gross," she says.

"Nope. You're cute. Even your burps."

"I mean how much I ate. I should stop." The hungry look on her face as a waft of the cooking pizza is enough to assure me that she won't be stopping anytime soon. That and the bun she's lifting to her lips.

"Relax. Just eat until you're full. I won't judge." Not in the way you fear, anyway.

She nods and settles down, and I hand her an open bag of chips to munch on while the pizza bakes.

~~~

...That got away from me, and it didn't even get to everything I fantasize about...

Corruption, mind-break, and drugs are a deep and sometimes shameful part of my most depraved fantasies. The latter as a path to the former is tantalizing.

And I've spent hours researching what substances stimulate the appetite, what foods cause cravings, what herbs aid digestion. Thinking of ways to induce an appetite in someone reluctant or unsuspecting.

This is the kind of thing I would want to explore someday as part of a bit of consensual non-consent. Inducing that vulnerability in someone and taking advantage of it... I'd like to find someone eager to go along with such a fantasy and act as the outwardly reluctant but truly insatiable glutton.

I dream of the day I'll have someone sitting on my face while they themselves eat. I like to imagine feeling them get a little heavier with each bite...

I like talking about relationships, so I'll share my experiences and thoughts.

I think each person's definition of love is precious to themselves and shouldn't be beholden to other people's criticism, especially if that definition doesn't violate another's freedoms. Independence, tempered by compassion for others, is important to me.

Indeed, you touch on something important in relationships as I've come to know them, which is that each person is ultimately responsible for their own happiness. People who are dependent on others for their happiness will feel their relationship is unstable and act in desperate and unhealthy ways to fix perceived faults.

It's when people are independently happy that they are able to have a stable relationship, because they aren't just deriving happiness from their partner; both partners are sharing in each other's happiness and experiences, and each comes away having grown as a person.

For me, love is about sharing. Sharing touch, sharing experiences, sharing minds, and, as a polyamorous person, sharing love. On the last point, there is a unique joy to knowing that my first partner sees me as their rock, a stable relationship they can return to when other relationships' triumphs and turmoils threaten to overwhelm.

Simultaneously, I feel security and gratitude when one partner is excited to know how happy the other partner makes me; it's delightful to feel love without insurmountable jealousies that arise from possessiveness.

Openness to a variety of relationships with a variety of people is a core of my philosophy of ENM, and in a way I think this is another side to "looking for noone." To me, seeking an "ideal" partner, to the exclusion of all "lesser" relationships, is fruitless and unhappy. That isn't to say I have no preferences or desires I still want fulfilled; but those are merely the introductory attractions to the full relationships I seek.

It will depend entirely on (1) your individual biology and (2) the medication you're taking.

A cursory search of anxiety medications' side effects will reveal they can cause weight gain, cause weight loss, or have no known effect on weight.

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323666

There's something incredibly delightful about a consensual power exchange; knowing that I have earned someone's trust to the extent required to feed and even overfeeding them is thrilling.

Another thing I love which I've mostly only explored in RP (but got a taste of last weekend when my partner called themselves a glutton) is when the person I'm feeding acts greedy. One day I want to hear someone say, "Feed me more," after becoming too full to reach for food themselves.

I made the mistake of searching for posts mentioning "feeder" in r/relationships. People are not kind to that which they don't understand or have heard only horror stories of.

Now I want to hear about your favorite parts about being in a relationship or going in a date with someone who shares (or accepts) your kink, from fictional tropes to real-life experiences!

For me, one thing that stood out during my recent first experience stuffing someone was seeing their contented smile as I hand-fed them. Spoiling my partner and feeling responsible for their pleasure and contentment was euphoric in a way I've been yearning for for quite a while.

I found my latest partner through Hinge, and even before that my matches have been worthwhile.

The only other app I have to compare it to is Bumble, and I can say I vastly prefer Hinge. Just use its free features to their full extent. The ability to start a conversation about something specific on their profile defines the experience of the app. Engage with people through those elements and prompts. Likewise, fill out your profile with things that spark interest. Don't just brag; invite curiosity.

Update:

We had a lot of fun! We watched their favorite show and ate a ton of sushi, ramen, and Korean food through the weekend. I'm very glad they're comfortable with me playing with their belly. We ended up sleeping a ton--being comfy and full is a great recipe to end up asleep.

I hope I get the chance to feed them again someday, but for now we're both starting our healthy diets and exercise so our doctors get off our backs. They were open to the idea of doing this every once in a while--a cheat day taken to the extreme--so I'm looking forward to that possibility in the future!

We're planning to have a lot of sushi tomorrow. My partner has been fascinated by mukbangs in the past and has always wanted to sit down and see how much they can eat, and they suggested doing this this weekend.

We're going to be doing other things too--watching a show, playing games, doing my nails--all around an enjoyable time, just with a lot of food.

They're arriving tonight and we're having ramen, then tomorrow we're ordering a bunch of sushi. Sunday is unplanned.

We've agreed on feeding each other--it's sushi, of course I'm gonna eat it--by hand, things like that. They're also bringing their toys, and we've discussed that there's a possibility of pleasuring them while they eat.

Any other details you'd like to know?

Edit:
We're also gonna be on some edibles (1:1 THC:CBD); I figure that's an important detail.