I've got to say, I think you have the most interesting confessions! I'm just wondering whether or not you really want to win that bet?

As for empathy, I think it is less of individual benefit than a group benefit (that is, a group with a fairly high level of empathy, overall, probably does better than one without it).

IC that I could not be much less motivated at work right at the moment. I really need a new project, or some other change. Blah!

My wife was never sexier to me than when she was pregnant. Would loved to have 'knocked her up' a few more times for that part of it....but one kid ended up being the right life decision for us. (edit: to clarify, I love kids and from that aspect would also have liked to have had more, but some kids end up being higher maintenance than others, and some people take to parenthood better than others.)

My conclusion was that I'd probably always want to gain, so stopping at the lowest feasible* weight made sense. But I suppose we all differ, for some people maybe the urge is more 'to be fat' and as some size that desire would be adequately met. For me 'being fat' has appeal, but 'getting fatter' is an even stronger draw, but with a different ratio there, maybe there is some weight where you could be happy.

* by feasible I mean a weight that works with a lifestyle I'm otherwise happy with, and which is big enough to somewhat satisfy my fat desires, to the point that I can balance those off against the reasons I have for not gaining or for losing, so that I can be stable. For me, anything resembling thin would probably not be feasible from an emotional point of view, I suspect, even if I could manage it with a reasonable lifestyle (which I probably couldn't).

My biggest advice is not to push it too hard. The faster the changes, the harder for her to adjust to them. Also, depending on her personality, if she begins to feel out of control it may make her turn back. So I say continue to be supportive, reassuring, and for sure keep taking her shopping

Thanks for sharing so much information, Heather! I wonder if between the various people in this community it would be possible to make a "here are some of the costs you may face as you grow" list, with rough numbers beside it. Might be an eye opener for some, as well as letter others plan better?

Good luck with whichever path you choose, it sounds like a really hard choice to make.

That is awesome! I'm guessing a good bit of a relief, with maybe a touch of anti-climax?

I'm glad you are enjoying biking and that it is paying off for you--that is the exercise of choice for my wife and I too.

Heather, just curious about one thing that wasn't clear from your (very moving, well written, and thoughtful) post. The costs that you are facing, how much is largely one time costs, versus how much is recurring/regular costs?

In the first category would be all the furniture needed to make life safe and comfortable, re-modelling parts of your living quarters, adaptive aids of various sorts, vehicles or vehicle modifications, and things like that....you might have to replace them eventually, to to some extent once you've got all of that in place you aren't replacing it all that often.

In the other is increased cost of food, clothing, travel, and 'convenience' costs where you need extra help to get things done.

Do you have any feel for what the split in the costs is? So how much is having a lump of money for the one time costs, and how much is needing higher income for higher cost of living?

(and no pressure to answer, it just seemed like it would be good information for anyone else looking at this sort of thing)