Feeling my own boobs and pretending I was feeling Demi Moore's boobs, or Nicollet.te Sheridan's. Holding my mom's DKNY Be Delicious bottles (spherical silver metal perfume bottles) and pretending I was feeling up the hot female robot from the cover of the Aerosmith CD "Just Push Play." Making out with a life-size photo of Cameron Diaz's face from a hairstyle magazine. Taking a photo of the photo of my attractive female co-worker who was promoted to safety inspector and masturbating to it at home. (She's a BBW.) In the '90, I couldn't wait to be old enough to get my own Victoria's Secret catalogs, the women they used back then had athletic bodies, now, they use anorexic-looking models. I can't imagine ever actually doing the deed and having lesbian sex; the thought sickens me, but I definitely have bi urges. I would definitely prefer a woman sized 26W or larger, I'm a size 18, and I have all kinds of gross bones sticking out; I can't imagine any maN or woman in their right mind wanting to be intimate with a woman who has this shit going on. I have big boobs and a soft, chubby belly, but parts of my torso feel starved. Ick.

I love that we're being ENCOURAGED to talk about this!

Yes, reading "health" tips can be hilarious! I'll go jogging and then hit up McDonald's. LOL

I love Led Zeppelin! Has anybody read the book "Suzy, Led Zeppelin, and Me" by Martin Millar? Good book, except for some anti-fat sentiments. Martin Millar starves himself. He's depressed irl. He could stay skinny like he wants eating whatever he wants if he followed the Paul Mckenna eating plan.

I forgot about Cinnamon Toast Crunch; I love that shit!

I have gotten too fat for size 8 underwear. I got a horrible wedgie while I was walking Far.le.y today.

Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats. Lucky Charms. Froot Loops. Chocolate Rice Krispies. Apple Jacks. Those are the only ones I am aware of. I buy Special K with strawberries or chocoate curls and add 2 heaping spoonfuls of sugar. LMFAO. Does anybody remember Just Right cereal from the '90s? That shit was AWESOME! Someday I will probably be detained at French customs for trying to smuggle 150 lbs of muesli back home. LOL

Holy schnikes! I HAVE to hear this song!!!

Please don't say "Fat-Bottomed Girls" by Queen--so trite, and those guys were gay irl (not that there's anything wrong with that) or "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot; he specifies that he likes women "little in the middle"--definitely not an FA sentiment.I love the forgotten gem "Roller Derby Queen" by Jim Croce. ("5'6", 215, a bleached-blonde bomber with a streak of mean." "Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra and "Unskinny Bop" by Poison are my anthems for accepting and celebrating being a BBW. "3 Sheets to the Wind (What's My Name)" by Kid Rock is good for stuffing. "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton reminds me of BHMs because they're so f--king addictive. "You Don't Know You're Beautiful" by One Direction reminds me of BHMs, too, for obvious reasons, I play the YouTube video for every BHM I am intimate with irl. And obviously, any song that was in any Chris Farley movie or "Saturday Night Live" sketch ever; I am going to do the Chippendales dance the next time they play "Workin' for the Weekend" by Lover boy in Walgreens or the grocery store. I won't actually take my shirt off, but people will get the jist. LOL

I can't eat or drink anything without getting sexually aroused thinking about feeding BHMs!