Jacen1008:
I gained 40 pounds and then lost most of it.

Now I am in the process of putting some (or all) of it back on

For those who have gained, lost, and gained again do you find the weight returns in the same places or can it distribute differently?

Plumpfaerie:
For me, it's feeling my belly roll over the waistband of whatever I'm wearing and touch my thighs whenever I sit down (it's only starting doing this recently.) Also, I keep occasionally bumping into things because I forget how much it actually sticks out now.

Person12670:
I often fantasize about this. I would love to see reactions from two ex-girlfriends in particular. I was thin, fit and exercised a ton when I dated them. I was 75 lbs lighter than my recent max. One of them often said she didnt want her man to ever get so "huge" as 250 lbs... but thats exactly what I did. If I saw her, she would comment immediately but probably be sort of intrigued and playful about it. My other ex would be way more judgemental and probably gasp in disgust, especially since i put about 50 lbs on in the year after breaking up haha. I lived near her, so I used to walk around in outgrown clothes hoping to bump into her. She even hated that i put on 5-10 lbs while we were dating and wanted me to lose weight, so I suspect she will also think that she dodged a bullet getting away from this fatty.

Glitter Jelly:
It's official, I'm fat again...

Not fat as in "I feel fat today", fat as in medically overweight (BMI > 25).

I was a chubby kid and as an adult I used to be much heavier (180+ lbs) but after loosing a lot of weight about 10 years ago I was proud that I had managed to keep most of it off.

For the last few years, my weight was pretty stable, fluctuating between 115-120 lbs. Last October, I was 121 lbs.

In March, after noticing some of my clothes (non-stretch dresses and jeans particularly) were getting noticeably tighter, I decided to step on the scale and cried when I saw I was 125 lbs.

I started being more sell conscious and adopted a more restrictive diet, which was easy as I had been prescribed a stimulant ADHD medication in September.

Then I started waking up at night to eat, sometimes multiple times.

Some nights it would be only a fruit and some cheese, but other nights I would eat a large slice of banana bread, spoonfuls of nut butter right from the jar, half a brick of cheese, handfuls of candy, chocolate...

It wasn't long before most of my XS-S wardrobe either didn't fit or was uncomfortably tight to the point I felt embarrassed to wear them in public.

Reluctantly, I weighted myself again in August and had a huge meltdown when I saw I was 139 lbs and had gained 15 lbs in only 5 months!

My depression has gotten really bad because I'm terrified my weight is going to climb faster and faster until I'm as fat or fatter than I used to be. Maybe this time I'll cross the line into morbid obesity.

I just bought a keyed lock for my fridge and replaced all the knobs on my kitchen cabinet for handles so I can lock them with wire locks. I'm going to keep the keys in a timed lock box with no override.

I'm hoping this will help me lose some of the extra weight or at least stop or slow down the weight gain... I'm not delusion, however, so I already started selling all my XS clothes because it's very unlikely I'll ever be that thin again as my metabolic is ruined from years of dieting.

None of this is going to help me when I sleep at my boyfriend's place (more often than not), as he doesn't want to lock his cabinets and fridge.

I suspect he likes my new curves but I sure don't. I don't recognize my body when I look in the mirror and feel very disconnected from it.

I've been on sick leave since May so my coworkers will undoubtedly notice my fuller figure even if I try to hide my fat under loose clothing.

I dread their comments, especially from those who used to praise me for / envy my formerly thin body. I used to wear pretty dresses everyday and now none of these fit me anymore.

Can anyone relate? Any advice / kind words will be appreciated.

ETA:

I know how crazy this sounds coming from someone who identifies as a FA. Yet, while I find beauty in bodies of all shapes and sizes, I struggle to see it in myself. Maybe this is PTSD from the relentless bullying / body shaming I suffered as a child?

BigBallBellyGirl:
This doesn't sound crazy at all, friend. There are many ways to enjoy your interests as an FA. For some of us, it's our own obesity; for some, it's feeling stuffed; for some it's feeding someone else and making them fat; for some, it's fantasy and stories and visuals. All of these things are perfectly okay.

The important part is, taking care of your mental health. Your body is no more or less lovable at a lower weight than a higher one, or vice versa. I will say, I wish there were more resources there for those of us who struggle. The six Employee Assistance Program visits that are standard with most employers are a nice benefit if you're exploring care and trying to find a provider. As far as restoring mental health and addressing trauma... Well, that's not going to happen in 6 hours.

Nevertheless, be kind to yourself. If you do choose to lose weight, make sure it's a positive thing to you, and not a punishment. You haven't "let yourself go" and you sure the heck haven't done anything wrong.

I hope you are continuing on a journey to self-love. You are very reflective, and you're asking questions. Those are good things. Seek out people who encourage you. And know that, while some real creeps lurk around this community, there are plenty of genuine people who will support you too. Many of us are kind, multifaceted people, who may share a common interest but are also so much more. I'm proud of you for seeking support.

Closetgainer:
I’ve ripped a pair of jeans and two pajama bottoms since quarantine. I’ve gone from size 8 jeans to a snug 12. (20+ pounds gained.)

I’ve been a size 6-8 my whole life and am having a hard time saying goodbye to all the clothes I’ve accumulated over the years. But the new belly and softness is...nice. Not sure I’m ready to give them up.

Ditzy:
I have gained and lost several times and each time I gained the weight back I got flabbier and fatter in places I was never that fat in the time before.

Wanttobefat600:
I love seeing someone lose a bunch of weight and they start showing it off and feeling themselves and then slowly they give in to temptations and fall back into old habits worse and worse over time until eventually they've gained so much weight they're even fatter than they were when they were fat before. I also love to see their reactions when they find out they've let themselves get fatter than before where they're just in disbelief and embarassed that they let themselves get so fat

Morbidly A Beast:
I sure hope she does

Bc a lot of creeps post pictures without their wives or girlfriends consent or worse they are strangers or just pictures from social media.

Consent is Sexy