Wow!!! Congratulations- what terrific and happy news!
Wedding planning can be fun and stressful - but as long as you and your fiancee are happy and in love with each other, most of the details end up working out just perfectly.
Good luck and keep us posted! Hooray!!!
6 months
Coffee Mate is my sweetener of choice, but a quick warning that it does contain Trans Fats - while it will definitely make you gain, it also can be pretty bad for your overall heart health.
A great substitute is just good ol' heavy cream, which will also put on the pounds but is a little better for your cholesterol levels.
That said, I still will hit up a Coffee Mate French Vanilla every once in a while...
6 months
Merry Crinoline!
7 months
I had an incredibly hot experience tonight and wanted to share.
I went out tonight and met up with some friends who I haven't seen in a few years. They are all very kind and wonderful people, and we have a very friendly, flirty kind of relationship that throughout life has led to late night laughter, good times, and general great vibes when we hang out. It has been harder and harder together together as we have gotten a bit older- weddings, kids, dogs, relocation, etc. So I was excited to see everyone.
I was also a bit nervous because the last time we hung out, I was about 60 pounds lighter. I've recently hit a gain milestone that I can't really "suck it in" anymore, so I was curious to see what everyone's reactions might be, as I haven't really posted many social media shots or shared my gain with them.
The first few of them gave me great hugs and hearty handshakes - nothing really out of the ordinary, but I was being really sensitive to their reactions and I think I had a few extra glances - nothing to call any attention.
When one of my favorite friends showed up, though, it didn't take her too long to take a step.back from me, smile, and then pantomime a clockwise circle toward my belly, asking me, "Now this is a new addition. Tell me all about this, unless you feel like just telling me to shut up."
Of course everyone froze for a moment, but it let me break the ice and tell.them that I'd gained a bunch of weight (obvious), but that everything was okay and that it was really just happy, being-a-foodie weight. Once I reassured them.that it was really just enjoying life and food (and not a symptom of depression or something sad/bad), they moved on to other topics.
But this is where it got hot. Later, that same friend was talking to me one-on-one, and she giggled out of nowhere. I asked what was funny, and she said, " Nothing. I just am still getting used to you with a little belly. You were always so thin."
After I explaining that I'm also getting used to it, and that it's been a happy adjustment - she asked if she could touch my belly.
OMG - SQUEEEEEEEEEEE
She reached out very tentatively and pushed it lightly with three fingers, then pulled back and giggled again when it jiggled. "Is that okay," she asked, and I told her that she didn't have to be shy. I told her that she could poke, grab, squeeze, pinch - whatever. I told he that she had unlimited belly time.
AND THEN SHE PROCEEDED TO GRAB WITH BOTH HANDS while marveling that it was "So squishy!"
After a glorious 30 seconds of jiggle, grab, and squish, she asked me if I was planning to keep it. (Lol - like a pet!)
I told her that I was, and that given how I was eating recently, it might end up a little bigger.
She then spent the rest of the night playfully poking at intervals, as well as ordered tons of dessert after dinner and then said that she needed me to help her with it.
I was in heaven.
After we parted ways, I went to a McDonald's drivethru and had a second dinner and absolutely stuffed my face. I was SUPER turned on...
Anyway - just a fun experience that I wanted to share and hopefully repeat someday!
7 months
ForeverFFA:Fair. But my issue isn't the will to find other things about them attractive: my fetish is frustratingly hard-wired, to the point where I struggle to get in the mood from anything else. It's been a conversation that I've mostly avoided in past relationships like that out of awkwardness (and not wanting anyone to feel like they had to change for me), so I just went along with things I didn't enjoy.
LoraDayton:Because you have to have the conversation with them about what the fetish is and it's your responsibility not to project it onto them, which isn't difficult at all.
If you don't know how to say "this turns my crank" without them feeling like *they* have to be the one to turn that crank, it is *absolutely* deep-seated fatphobia or at the very least insecurity because you aren't able to be vulnerable. You are not compatible with these people because you cannot be the partner they deserve that is open to them. Somewhere, you still have shame about it—not about being attracted to fat people but the way people would judge *you* for it—and that is definitely rooted in internalized fatphobia. Just as you would be hurt by someone withholding something like that regardless whether or not you'd judge them, you are doing the same.
It's so super gross when an FA comes in here and says something like "This is so hard-wired in me!" as if it isn't for anyone with any other kink on the planet. Like that's literally the point of having fetishes and kinks. I can't tell you how, as an actual fat person, that feels and sounds like coming from others who are not (though your profile doesn't indicate either way so my apologies if I'm mistaken). It reeks a lot of "I can't help myself and I'm not accountable for this" when you definitely are. You are accountable for BEING a good partner, which includes being authentic. This is easier on everyone in the long run, and that way your partners won't feel betrayed or lied to.
No one is forcing you to pursue relationships with people that you know are incompatible at the outset. That's a choice you make. And then you choose to maintain the facade with them. This is a tale as old as time—whether it's the scarcity mindset, the pressure for people to be partnered, or just lack of knowledge about how relationships work (sometimes all of the above!)
If you want to know more about *how* to have the conversation with them, some of what I have here may help you:
loradayton.com/2022/01/26/how-to-have-the-kink-talk-with-your-partner/ This is an incredibly helpful and well-written post. Thank you.
7 months
I love the increased diversity here. Our common interests in feederism being us here, but I feel that it is our unique and varied perspectives, beliefs, and interests that help us to grow mentally and emotionally (while some of us are growing our waistline).
It makes me happy to think that this site is more welcoming and encouraging for women, particularly, and I hope that we can continue to do more in the space of diversity and inclusion for feeders and feedees of all kinds.
7 months
RegularGhost15:
Hello all! I'm not new to the fetish, but I am new to trying to gain weight on purpose.
So I've been trying to gain weight since before Thanksgiving. To be fair, I wasn't going that hard until last week, but I have spent years on being fit and keeping my caloric intake at about 1600-1700 to maintain my body. So I figured it wouldn't take much to pack it on, and after spending a month letting go of my diet (eating a slice of pie after dinner, letting myself have an extra soda a day) and a week of actually going out of my way to take in more (eating at least am extra 500 calories a dat), I've gained...
Nothing!
Needless to say, I'm really shocked and disappointed.
I have a history of ED, so I guess the perception that my gut was softer and fuller is just a symptom of that. I have gained not one single pound.
To add salt in the wound, my partner, who is aware I'm trying to gain weight, has also let his diet go, I guess. But I have definitely been eating more than him and he's gained 5 pounds.
I don't know. I'm just feeling discouraged. I couldn't lose weight by cutting calories and I can't gain weight by adding them. It's like my body is cursed.
FIRST of all - you deserve big praise for the hard work you are doing in battling an ED. This is something to be very proud of, and it's something that I wanted to give you credit for before anything else. (Hugs and high fives!)
Second - it can be discouraging when you are trying to gain weight if you don't see the scale move, because we often use the numbers on the scale to validate success. However, if the process of eating more food and feeling softer feels good, then you are enjoying the journey and the experience.
From my own experience, I sometimes get frustrated when I wake up some mornings and feel like I've put on 10 pounds overnight, but the scale says that I've actually LOST half a pound. To be kind to myself, however, if I track progress over a longer time period, I would say that I do more of a "slow climb up to a plateau, then another slow climb up to a plateau..." type of gain.
I had a point in my life when the math was the everything - weight was something that I could control with numbers, up or down, so I focused entirely on calculation and numeric outcomes. This behavior - while successful in weight loss and gain for me - ultimately led to an obsessive mindset that actually sucked the joy out of what I was doing and made my efforts entirely about the mathematical outcomes. I ended up feeling validated by a set of numbers more than by how I emotionally and physically felt about my own body. (So... I've been there, if that's kinda how you feel.)
It can be discouraging, but just keep enjoying what you are doing. If you feel squishier- enjoy the squish! If you are turned on by the extra slice of pie - enjoy it! Try to focus on all the amazing aspects of the weight gain journey, because your body will catch up eventually!!! "Feeling" fat is a mindset that can be independent of the body - it's a wonderful feeling regardless of any physical or mathematical measurement.
Hope this helps, and keep at it. The weight will come - try to enjoy the experience more than the numbers themselves, and try not to compare yourself to anyone else. Your body is unique and your own!
Now go get some more pie!
7 months
Happy Hannukkah to all who celebrate!
7 months
I think you would really, really benefit from working with a good therapist.
This community supports you in taking care of your mental and emotional self-care - YOU ARE WORTH IT!
A good therapist will help you with some of the deeply personal feelings you have - they will listen to you and will help you to and prioritize the things that will help you to live your best, most authentic life.
I will share that I often get times of feeling very disconnected from myself and from others around me - my therapist has been such a great help for.me to sort things in my mind and to help me with my happiness and satisfaction.
The other thing that has helped me is the concept of Absurdism and the writing of Albert Camus. You could look it up.on YouTube and find some short videos to give you an idea about how Absurdism can help with the feelings of the void. Hope it helps you in some way.
Come back and give us an update to let us know how you are doing!
7 months
I can understand the contrast between celebrating "being" versus celebrating "becoming".
I've always thought that Fat Positivity was about accepting fatness as a beautiful state of being - that someone can be fat and attractive, which stands in contrast to the incorrect social bias that fat is unwanted, unattractive, or unsexy. I LOVE the body positivity movement, because I truly believe that fat is sexy as hell, and that a person should not be judged, discriminated against, or made to feel "less than" just because of their size. It should be about the notion that you ARE beautiful right now in your fat body, and that you do not need conform to someone else's idea of the "preferred size".
I see feederism a little differently, in that I also celebrate the sexiness of transformation - that a person can be sexy in a different way when they are in the process of getting FATTER. It needs to be consensual, and it needs to be not about the demand of the feeder but about the journey of the feedee making an intentional choice to alter themselves because THEY like it (not because someone else wants it for them).
I don't see these two as exclusive or incompatible, though. I believe that you can find someone sexy both as fat AND as getting fatter.
But - to earlier points made - if someone defines feederism as a sexual expression of control/power and that it objectifies a feedee rather than celebrates an empowered and intentional choice, then yes - I can see why our community would be viewed negatively.
It becomes our obligation to empower our feedees and make the feederism community about empowering someone to choose to become fatter because they desire it, not because they have to "get fatter for us".
This was a bit more wordy than I originally intended - hope it makes sense!
7 months
