TW: s/h

Anytime I try to gain I never feel as if my motives are driving me, and I’m just using food as an escape or for control.

I started gaining January during a cruise because it was fitting. Since then I’ve put on 10 pounds and tracked my weight obsessively. Once in the morning once at night. It absolutely is a turn on, I’m watching real time as my weight increases and my capacity increases. Unfortunately it also feels like I’m grasping for control.


As someone who has s/h in the past I understand the high feeling I got from it from that control. Whenever I’m gaining it’s so similar that it’s hard not to associate the two.

It doesn't help that my work circumstance would justify the feeling of no control. I’m currently waiting for more hours so I can move to salary, but am not receiving the proper workload from project managers so I’m stuck as a part time contractor with no other companies. I have enough money for rent for the next year and paying off all student loans, my situation is annoying at worst requiring me to find another job.

To clarify, I don’t want to s/h and haven't since I was in high school. I’m receiving therapist attention and have already talked on my work situation. My snag is I don’t want to inform my therapist of my fetish, and ask how to separate the association of s/h at the same time.

Just curious if anyone else has similar feelings and knows techniques to disassociate the two. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

Feel like this is one of those bullshit riddles where there is no correct answer.

Love Handle

Stuffing bender. Wake up, eat until I can’t anymore, enter a food coma, repeat.

Unfortunately, it’s more fantasy than reality. Unless, I’m taking some Benadryl or Advil PM I will be too ecstatic by the concept to sleep. And even then it wouldn’t do much for me.

I’ve had a few lingering questions/questions that I’ve seen answered and couldn’t find again. I just want to make sure I have the info right.

Why do people commonly do hc in sprints? (ie: some weeks on some weeks off.)

What is the absorption rate of hc? (ie: max hc at one time, such that your not wasting hc that doesn’t get absorbed.)

How the hell does delayed gain happen? From what I’ve read it seems like it’s definitely real, but I don’t understand why it happens.

Either my name is purple and my favorite color is Jade or my name is Jade and my favorite color is purple…

I see several things I’d like to put my word in for.

I would not consider this to be a place to find a relationship, sure if you find yourself stumbling into someone who happens to be similar to you, a sexual or friendly relationship can form. But that is with any social platform.

I will also say desperation is not attractive to anyone. I sense lots of mental instability I found in myself back in my high school days. If it’s purely loneliness, socialize more. If socializing doesn’t seem to work, see a therapist. I’m not trying to be rude, I recommend everyone to see a therapist because of how much it has helped me.

Looking for love is not going to take 6 months, it took me 4 years of off and on dating. I’m not saying its going to take 4 years either, it just so happens that’s how long it took me.

There is no such thing as too ugly for love. The only thing that is ugly to almost everyone is lying about yourself and ambitions, and that can be corrected. Joining here to meet someone and having them get the impression you’re into the same stuff when you’re not is going to hurt people. Say you lied that you liked rock climbing to get with someone who likes rock climbing, suddenly a connection that could’ve been made on something you have in common is spent on a lie, which once found out will lower their trust to lower than before you met. Seriously do you really want a creepy fat fetishist to rub your belly fat? You wouldn’t be into it, they would notice you not being into it, and feel betrayed.

I hope you don’t give completely up and keep trying at it. It’s good to focus on yourself after being in the dating world for so long. Best of luck.