Dying2BFat has been active since at least 2018

discord.gg/7Z9H2BVF

I feel like I need to set the record straight about HAES, since it seems most people, whether supporters or critics, misunderstand what it means. HAES did that to themselves though. I've looked through their website, and they use a lot of vague language with room for interpretation. However, after reading through their linked resources and organizations they've partnered with, their message becomes clear.

First of all, it stands for HEALTH at every size, not HEALTHY at every size. They are not trying to imply that it is possible to be healthy regardless of size. Instead, they mean that anyone can take steps to improve their health at any size. The traditional view is that health improvements can only happen with weight loss, so if you starve yourself or get WLS, you will be automatically healthy (which is completely wrong). Not only that, but traditional diet and exercise programs fail for most people in the long run because they don't take human psychology into account, so you are mentally set up for failure. Plus, crash dieting can lower your metabolism.

HAES still recommends diet and exercise, but with a different mental approach. Weight loss is treated like it's not the goal, health is. That way if your weight plateaus, it doesn't feel like a failure. For diet, they suggest an approach called intuitive eating. The idea is to pay close attention to signals from your body, not cravings. For example, you will probably feel more energetic after eating eggs and fruit rather than a hamburger. It also means stopping when your hunger goes away, not when you feel full. For exercise, they tell you to find something active that you enjoy doing for its own sake, so exercising doesn't feel like torture and you look forward to it. If you follow their suggestions, you WILL lose weight over time (but of course that's just a "side effect". So it's not really a good fit for the feedist community, and would be better suited for the vanillas in the wider body positivity movement.

I wasn't married, but I have some experience with this. Obviously it depends a lot on your personalities and the strength of your relationship and your fetish, so maybe it can work for you. From what I've seen, most fat people not into feedism are unhappy with their bodies and want to lose weight. Even the ones who seem content with their bodies will eventually reach a moment of clarity where they're too fat to do something they used to, or they have a sobering doctor's visit, and now they want to lose all of the weight as quickly as possible.

You won't be able to just ignore it. It will be in your face at all times because their weight loss efforts will replace a lot of both their free time and conversation topics. They won't be able to enjoy anything food-related with you anymore, so a major way you interact with each other will have to change overnight. They will still expect you to be 110% supportive and happy for their weight loss. Even if you're happy for their happiness, it will be hard since they hate the very thing you're attracted to and are actively getting rid of it. If you try to express your desires to them, they will look at you like some kind of monster who wants to cause them harm for your own sick pleasure. Of course it doesn't bother them at all that you have to keep your entire sexuality (an important part of you) bottled up inside with no outlet just to spare their feelings. Even if you don't express any of this to them, they will be able to sense something's wrong. You will have to lie and pretend everything's fine of course, there's no way to make them understand what's bothering you. The forced secrecy will bother you even more than the weight loss does.

Resentment will start to creep in. You will find yourself secretly wishing that their diet will fail. For every pound they lose, you'll hope they gain back two. Wishing for your partner's failure is obviously really unhealthy for the relationship, and it will probably disintegrate on its own if neither of you ends it first. People say that sex (i.e. sexual compatibility) isn't everything in a relationship. They're only right in the same way that the bread isn't "everything" in a sandwich. Obviously you don't want your sandwich to be just bread, that would be boring. But it's still super important, because without it, the whole thing falls apart in your hands. (Did you like the food metaphor I just did there?) Honestly, if you're a feeder and you can't find a feedist relationship, it's easier to just be alone.

I also have clinical depression, but I find that just occupying my mind with hobbies doesn't really pay off. It can be fun in the moment, but I still end up just as depressed after. Here's what actually works for me.

- Keep taking your medication
- See a therapist
- Make time to hang out with friends IN PERSON at least once a week. Rearrange your schedule somehow or make new friends that you can hang with on your time. We're social creatures that aren't meant to be alone, so your depression will win if you can't do this.
- Finally, make a life plan. Here's how.

Basically, you start by picturing what your life would look like in the future if you have everything you need to be truly content. Any dreams or goals you might have.
Then you work backwards from there, thinking of what you would need to do to get from where you are now to your dream life.
Then you break down those tasks into small, specific steps. "Get a better job" is too vague. List every small step involved, including touching up your resume, which sites you will look at listings on, etc. figure out what your salary would need to be to pay for your monthly expenses in the future. If you want to buy a house in 10 years, research the prices, the neighborhood and everything else now. Do all the research up front on everything so that nothing is left to figure out later.
This is a big research project that will take you weeks or even a couple of months to complete, but your mind will be completely occupied the whole time. By the time you finish, you'll have a step by step guide that you know will make your life great at the end.
Then, just make an effort to work on completing your to-do list one small step at a time. Allow yourself to celebrate each accomplishment. As long as you keep checking things off your list and making progress, you will feel a lot better. Hands down the most effective at relieving my symptoms. Of course your mileage may vary. But this is solid advice for everybody on earth, not just depressed people.

In a way, it actually makes it EASIER to find someone. It all depends on how you look at it. Because I know for a fact that there are plenty of people out there that are looking for the exact same thing you are. But the less serious dating options there are for them, the more likely it is that those people will come running to you when you put your intentions out there. It's simple supply and demand really. There's a line from an old Cole Porter song that sums it up nicely.

"When most guys today
That women prize today
Are just silly gigolos,
And though I'm not a great romancer,
I know that you're bound to answer
When I propose.
Anything goes."

There are a couple caveats though. First, you will have way more success if you are OK with expanding your search and trying a long distance relationship until one of you can relocate. It's a bummer, but where there's a will, there's a way. The other caveat is that you actually have to be somewhat charming and not come off like a creep. So it does take SOME effort. But yeah, just start messaging people you like, and after a quick chat, tell them what you're looking for in a relationship and see if you click. Having confidence in your ability to both get what you want, and give them what they want is the key to success here. And don't settle for less or neither of you will end up very happy.

lol ok. I didn't say you misunderstood, I said you mischaracterized. But this is silly, we should just let this thread get back on topic before it gets derailed forever.

That's ok dude, nobody said we have to agree on anything. But you understand that when you mischaracterize my intent, even if unintentionally, I need to clarify so that others can understand my position.

OK, now I can see that you just aren't reading my posts. I explicitly said in the very post you quoted above that it isn't forced. I have no idea where you got this idea about treating people like animals, but I'd appreciate if you would stop trying to twist my words into some kind of gotcha moment. It's not a good look on you.

I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Of course if you stop scratching my back, then I'll have to go elsewhere because I still need back scratches. Nothing is being forced, and the contract is unspoken.

I'm literally talking about the same thing you are, I'm just phrasing it in a different way so that OP can see that there is NO difference between feeders and anyone else. A relationship based on feeding is not any more selfish or deceitful than normal vanilla dating.

The search function for profiles is not working properly. This issue may be site wide and effect other search features, but I have no idea.

The issue is that when you browse user profiles, the first page of results will be fine. But once you click to the second page, the results will go out of order, and I will often see profiles from the first page show up on other pages. If I click back to the first page, the results are not in the same order as they were the first time, and include some results from the second page, etc. There's no consistency to how the results appear from page to page, so there are going to be some results that never show up, as they're constantly being shuffled around.

Doing a basic example search, here was the URL on the first page:
fantasyfeeder.com/profiles

And here was the URL for the second page:
fantasyfeeder.com/profiles

Playing spot the difference, the glaring omission in the second page is that "&order=last+online" is missing from the URL. Clicking back to the first page does not restore the original URL, it only changes "&rowStart=20" to "&rowStart=0".

Instead of clicking to the next page, if I stay on the first page and manually change the value of rowStart in increments of 20, the search results stay in the proper order and everything works as it should.

The site is old, and I imagine there is a lot of legacy code that is having a conflict somewhere. You may just need to rebuild the search function if you can't find the cause of the problem.

If you do, I'd like to see some new fields on the advanced search. Specifically, I'd like the ability to order results by distance, so that users closest to my location appear first. And I'd also like the ability to search for keywords within profile text. For example, if i search for "metal", it should show me all profiles that include metal in their about me section or interests.

Right after posting this, I noticed an unrelated issue. The URLs in my post are not wrapping properly because they don't contain spaces, so they are extending beyond the edge of the page. I'm using Chrome.