You need to do what makes you happy, fuck everybody else. There is no joy in a life dedicated to pleasing others.

You can gain and lose the same ten lbs if that makes you happy. You can gain 100 lbs if that makes you happy. What is important is that it makes YOU happy. I've been an FA my whole life, was a fat kid then a skinny adult for 25 years. In the last two year I've put on about 25 lbs and am loving it. I feel sexy, which I honestly never did when I was thin. My level of self love has improved as my weight has climbed and life is getting better. I am able to say this after gaining, losing, facing the same mental struggle you are, and experimenting with rates of gain. (Funny thing about the mental struggle around judgement, for me, is I'm up 25lbs and no one seems to have noticed. It's mostly in my head apparently)

Staying away from these sites, or limiting exposure may be helpful as you figure out what you want/need in life may be beneficial. Many people are here solely for fantasy and role play and reading their stories of blowing up overnight are misleading and can be dangerous if taken as literal truth. (The human body can only process so much in a day. Big gains are possible, but you realistically want to keep your health in mind too.) That said, I find that this forum in particular is a great resource for information on healthy gaining, fat life hacks, retailers catering to larger people, support when you do run across the occasional ignoramus who thinks the have the right to judge you (FYI, they don't. Judgement is the job of the Divine, not mankind), and other information not so easy to find elsewhere.

Around 15lbs, which didn't sound impressive until I realized I wear it as 10 inches in my hips and belly. Omg!

Yes! Not so much the clothes to fit part, but I want to get bigger yet be athletic, if that makes sense? I want the giant gut, the rolls, the big tits and ass but none if the struggle. I just saw a woman my height, 100lbs heavier and I want it so bad. She's amazing. But I need to be able to do physical work and fear I couldn't at that weight.

Um...who, me? 😁🤭 ahem...maybe lol

I was a chunky kid, lost the baby fat in my early 20s and have been considered thin up until the last year or so. I'm currently about 20-25lbs heavier than my lightest adult weight. I've never been one to really show off my body but lately it seems like the bigger I get the more I'm feeling like the world needs to KNOW. I love showing off my growing belly (and everything else). It's new, and odd yet very exciting for me. Like I want to find a fatty strip club with a reinforced pole to dance at. lol

So I'm wondering if there's anyone else who has found a new or growing exhibitionist streak as they get bigger, or is just this me being a weirdo?

Are you doing the fattening technique with the oil? I'm intrigued...

I dream of such a place, but the dream always turns into a nightmare of panhandlers and illiterate wankers.

It's incredible isn't it? There are so many cute chubby-BBW lesbians out there, yet almost none of them are into this. ☹ The few that are seem to live on the other side of the country or world. Finally, I see someone semi local (at least we could easily meet halfway) and I'm out of your age range. Figures 🙄

Um...get a job? Preferably at a restaurant or bakery where you get free or discounted food.

Definitely. When I get ready to stuff I get butterflies in my stomach, sometimes the shakes too. I'm apparently very excitable.lol