krydrita wrote:OniGumo wrote:
I know that on the rare occasions I've been approached by ladies in real life it's put me completely off balance. And my mind immediately goes to, "It's a prank, they want to humiliate me...". While I do recognize that I'm not unfortunate looking, it's hard to accept someone's professed attraction in the real world.
Believe it or not, this is actually part of the reason why I find it so hard to talk to big guys sometimes (or guys who are used to being unpopular). I worry that, if I just come out and say "I think you're beautiful," they'll just think I'm mocking them, in some way.
All through school, I was very, very unpopular, and considered ugly by all the fashion-obsessed social butterflies. Quite often, actually, guys would even make fun of me by feigning attraction, like cat calling or yelling after me as if they wanted my number, or saying any number of things. I was teased for quite a number of years before I grew out of my ugly duckling phase, and all that unwanted attention died off. It can be really hard.
So, as a result, if I ever do gather up the courage to talk to a larger guy, I always shoot immediately for "friend," and in no way let him know that I think he's attractive. I can talk with friends, and have fun with them, and be myself. If he knew I liked him, I fear that the relationship would change, and that I would suddenly get tongue-tied and mix up my words around him, and then start avoiding him to avoid my own clumsiness and embarrassment.
I dunno, it's all very stupidly insecure. And anyway, I've never actually been able to find a guy I found both physically attractive and a good match personality-wise whom I've had the courage to talk to. So this is all really hypothetical.
It seems such a cruel catch-22. We crave love and attraction. And relationships. But when they're close we withdraw.
