I suppose a bit of both.
The pain of being so full but rubbing the belly is pleasurable.

I'm a binge eater and at times I am so stuffed its hard to get up out of my chair and walk out of the kitchen.
I get to the couch and rub my fat belly for maybe an hour.
So yes I love rubbing my flabby belly. most anytime.

Good doesn't it feel better getting it all out?

Did you discuss the kink you have?
You need to understand just getting married doesn't solve problems.
Getting married then telling him your kink isn't fair to him.

Just comment in the forum or chat and just be yourself.
Be nice and keep things civil .
Thats what I did way back 13 or so years ago.
I'm still here and chatting old friends I made years ago and meeting new ones too.
I really didn't know much of anything about gainers or feeders.
I knew I loved the fact I had gotten slightly chubby and finally had curves I could be proud of.

I have learned over the years that its best to come right out with something than suffer never really knowing what your spouse thinks.
I was dating an older man thru a lot of my active gainer phase and he was ex Army and very fit.
He said if gaining is what you want go for it if it makes you happy.
He admitted he liked the plushness as I got fatter.
This kind of a thing as always hard until you do it then its out there and then you both can deal with it.

Might as well tell him is what I think.
Communication of what each wants is pretty important is it not?
If he hated that you have gained weight he would have said it and have you exercise with him.
Sounds like he is OK with your current weight but at 400 that could be very different.

Slow down on the heavy fatty foods and up the portion size of foods you do like.
No need in forcing yourself to eat that stuff.
Up your portion size at each meal and you will gain.
It took me a long time to gain compared to some but when I did gain it was weight that stayed put.
These days I can look at food and gain 5 pounds.
I have done the mass gainer thing and my body didn't care for it and it caused me belly aches and constipation.
When I do a shake I make a real shake with milk and ice cream.

Did you post frequently in any of the forums?
People respond if you join in the discussion.
From what I have seen from comments in forums nobody really is
negative about who is trans.
Makes no difference to me when I chat with someone.

Middle school I suppose.
I didn't chase boys like some of my GFs.did.
I had one boy ask me to a dance and he was so cute as he asked me I said yes.
I was always skinny in school and this boy was borderline chubby to fat but so adorable.
Dancing a slow dance with him holding me and me feeling his fat belly against me was a great feeling.
Soft and plush like a warm pillow on a winter night.
We actually dated thru most of high school.
He broke up with me because I graduated early @ 17.