A relationship where talking to each other is pointless is a relationship that needs work or won't work.

Your account says its existed for 6 years, so I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that many, if not most, people here live in fairly fatphobic cultures. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm not "out of the closet" as it were about this kink. But just like any kink, it's not something that needs to be shared with the world-only with those with whom you want to be intimate and with whom you intend to put your trust.

I told my partner about this kink--both the aspect of liking larger bodies and the feederism part--and they were understanding and encouraging that I find someone with whom to share this kink since it wasn't something they could indulge.

I say that not to brag, but to explain why I think that at the very least you should be able to tell your girlfriend about your preferences if you seriously think she is someone you can see yourself sharing a life with. Indeed, I'd rather give her the benefit of the doubt because I don't know her for sure; it's very likely that your fear of disclosing these preferences to her is unfounded. Even if she has expressed dislike for larger bodies or shows a rigorous adherence to societal expectations of fitness, many of us merely parrot what we're expected to say in any given situation.

So I have to ask: is there a specific reason why you don't think she would understand? What are the consequences you fear for disclosing your preferences? Will you be happy if these tastes remain in fantasy? Or will you be miserable in any relationship where you aren't even allowed to talk about what you enjoy?

The rounder the better, for me. Hardly even matters what size; if we're talking strictly about belly fetishes, I'd even say that bellies on lighter people who haven't got as much padding can be more alluring to me because they retain their shape more and respond more dramatically to stuffing.

I think you aren't alone in not wanting to do the traditional thing of breaking your back over work until retirement. This is one of the talking points of the antiwork movement, which aims to change the culture of work so that it serves the needs and happiness of workers rather than merely generating revenue for corporations and capital owners.

Regardless of your stance on that movement, you have a good reason to want to enjoy your life while you have the ability to. Obviously this is difficult without sacrificing some time and effort toward work, but your motivations are sensible.

I might be speaking to simply assuage myself, of course; I am planning to go back to school for a creative writing MFA rather than continue my current job as a software engineer, because while I am reasonably good at the latter, it doesn't spark the joy of the former. I am willing to sacrifice financial gain for a career writing books or even just teaching about writing because it is my passion.

I think it is important to find a career that will enable you to live the life you want to live now, rather than 50 years from now. Maybe that means continuing on your current path and saving up money for an early retirement. Ultimately only you will know what will make you happy, and you will need to balance all of your desires against one another, but the goal is to be happy. A life lived in misery is no life at all.

Can't speak about OF (you asked about it in another post, which I've quoted above), but I can talk about why I show my face here even if I don't put any other pictures of me up.

I've moved out of my parents' house, which makes me less worried about potential awkward interactions with immediate family members. The likelihood they'd find my picture/involvement on this site seems slim to begin with.

I also have no social media presence to speak of outside of this site and maybe reddit, if you can count that. As a result, the only people I'd be worried about finding out about my involvement in this community are my friends, and frankly I don't care if they find out on their own that I'm into this.

For your case, though, remember that if it exists on the internet, it is there forever and you will never be able to guarantee where it goes or how it's used. If you're worried about intimate pictures of yourself being leaked and used without your permission to disadvantage you, don't put your pictures on the internet. You should also be careful of sending those kinds of pictures to people directly, regardless of your relationship with them.

Sounds like permission to me haha.

Searching for the movie in question didn't give me anything about a movie on an actual island, but it did bring up a movie that I'd never heard about until now called City Island about the secrets that a family keeps from one another.

Apparently there's a subplot in it involving the family's son and his interest in BBWs and the BBW model next door; and apparently the director was *adamant* about the woman cast for the role being really, truly, a BBW:
www.salon.com/2010/04/12/de_felitta_9/

This is beyond cute. I'm so glad things are going well!

I would prefer if a fix went a step farther and made it so that clicking on any conversation wasn't all it took and you had to also send a message for it to count as one of your 5; it's a bit annoying when you're trying to go back to a conversation to look back on something that was said. But I understand that the site needs to draw revenue somehow.

Let's not talk about the sexism of assuming there are fewer female FAs compared to the "sexism" of asserting that a lot of women have had bad experiences with men in the past.

Instead I'll actually support my argument with facts. The gender ratio between men and women isn't evident only on this site. I took 5 minutes just now to make a Match account and look at what my area looks like. There are around 1500 men in my area seeking women and only 500 seeking men. The ratio is about 3 to 1.

If I go on Feabie, for online users globally, there are around 3600 men seeking women and 1200 women seeking men. Again, around 3 to 1.

Even if I change my filters on Feabie to specifically look at the ratio between male feedees/BHMs and female feeders/FAs, I get 1200 men and 400 women. 3 to 1. (EDIT: For completeness, there are 1500 feeder/FA men and 500 feedee/BBW women online on Feabie at the current moment, so don't begin to make the argument that women are more likely to be feedees than feeders.)

If you're right (and I don't know how to confirm whether you are) and there are 10 active men for every active woman on this site, consider the possibility that it might actually get so bad for women that they do decide their kink isn't worth the toxicity they might face here and, yes, go somewhere else. Feabie. Match. Hinge. They might even *gasp* date offline.

But I don't think that's the case. I'm much more inclined to believe the 4:1 ratio on this site.

All that aside, there are two critical things that need to be said, repeatedly, it seems.

First, just because there are more men doesn't mean women are swimming in matches with people they like.

Second, if a guy is honestly depressed about loneliness and the difficulty of finding a connection, that's something they can (1) talk to a therapist about and (2) work on by improving themselves and, you guessed it, "compete harder." You wouldn't date someone who didn't meet your needs. No one else will either.

If you see a problem, identify a cause and propose solutions.

There aren't many women active on the site? It's not because there are more men than women in the world. It's not because women want to stay single. It's because the internet and dating sites by extension are a hostile place toward women in general.

If to "compete harder" means making a safe and welcoming place for all people based on a minimum level of appreciation for people, their boundaries, and their individual desires, then yes, it will help.

No one is saying women don't have the advantage of a larger pool to choose from (though more doesn't always mean better). I suspect you'd find the same thing happening across all dating sites and apps.

Your metaphor, however is quite unfair.

(1) People aren't products on a shelf or to be delivered. Relationships aren't transactional. There's no set of actions or price anyone can pay that will guarantee a real connection.

(2) Some people, rather than having free home delivery, face annoying door-to-door salesmen or worse. I'm sure I don't need to elaborate.

Besides, the point of this conversation shouldn't be "girls have it so much better." It's, "what can fat guys do to stand out in a sea of other fat guys." Nothing changes from bemoaning the numbers. Life's unfair. But there are worse cards to have been dealt than "dating is hard."