If you use sharpie may want to get a bigger one with a broader tip; otherwise, some drugstore lipstick might work! Or just any other non-toxic marker.

This is quite the narrow view. Why do you expect everyone else to have the same preferences as you? What if you had any curiosity about why someone may choose feedist over foodie? Who says being a food enthusiast *has* to be part of feedism?

Bear in mind also that profiles are EXTREMELY limited (mine damn near maxes out the available characters).

oh god yeah! It can be really effective when I'm in a good subspace spot!

The problem isn't that fat fetishists don't exist... it's that they are fat *fetishists* and don't give a care about the person whose body is fat. They just want fat, fat first, feeding first, growing first, and prioritize that over everything else. It's always about the fat body, the fat look, the fat ness above all else. That a fat person has needs, desires, uniqueness all on their own doesn't even register to them, or is the very last thought if it does.

Fat fetishists are BY FAR the most fatphobic people I have ever met, and that is without exaggeration. Fatphobia is everywhere in society, even with the most progressive-minded folk out there. But there is something so deliberately cruel about the way fetishists wield it. They behave as though fat people should be *grateful* for the bits of attention they give us, that we should be *honored* they fantasize about us, then turn around and constantly tell us that we're still not good enough. Not fat enough, not well-shaped enough, not kinky enough, not demure enough, not ambitious enough, not obedient enough, never enough.

It's because there are so few people who will ever meet their fantasy... because it's a fantasy, and they don't know how to connect with *people* and how to *share* fantasies without being consumed by them. They are the insatiable gluttons at the end of the day.

It's not you. It's them. And I'm so sorry.

At the end of the day, most (yes, I said most and I stand by it) are ashamed of their kink and they take it out on the fat people whom they target. Just look at how often people come through here, wringing their hands about their fat kink and being so AFRAID someone might figure out "OH NO, I boink fat people!!" They have the nerve to come here and ask fat people how to get approval from thin ones—then only listen to the think folk here and scoff at the fat ones who offer their real advice.

They are very often cheating on thin partners and refuse to be seen with fat people. Given the number of accounts with no pics and no involvement in the community yet still claim to want real sincere connection, refuse to be seen BY fat people—because they do not see us *as* people. They never have.

I've been at FF for 15 years and in the overall community for nearly 20. I've made some great friends and lovely connections. I know there are sincere folks out there. But they are exceptionally rare. They make it worth sticking it out for, but it really is 99% that are the other part. I swear by now I have met every archetype of fat fetishist that could exist and I clock them all with freakish accuracy.

Everyone deserves to be seen and cared about for who they are, regardless. There's nothing wrong with you. It's not you. It really isn't. There *are* people here who do only seek a non-kink connection, but they are often silenced and pushed out by the others I mentioned above.

Your value as a person is wholly inalienable regardless how you have felt interacting with people here. I'm sorry they didn't see that in you. It's always their loss, not yours. Best of luck to you!

What you are describing is that you are not attracted to your partner, physically. That is incredibly unfair to her because then her needs are not being met, not just yours.



I'm going to be blunt because you did specifically ask for an unfiltered opinion: you are dating a woman who is thin and you *know* you are not attracted to that and you told her early on and still continued the relationship.

I'm saying this as a fat woman who has always been the "secret" of thin/average FAs who proudly date (And then cheat on) thin partners: this action is inherently fatphobic and I strongly encourage you to explore the shame YOU have around YOUR attraction to fat people. If you did not carry this shame, you would not be here making this post so far in to a relationship that you have just clearly expressed can't move forward in.

She has clearly expressed how undervalued she feels because of this. Of course I understand you still care about and likely even love each other; but that is not enough to continue a relationship, especially when you are ambivalent about your attraction.

I don't see a problem with FAs trying to date thinner people. Sometimes they do realize that they have attraction to all bodies and that's great! But you have clearly figured out that you don't, and you owe it to her to let her find someone who is attracted to her, and the same for you also.

NO, cheating is not the answer (if you have not agreed mutually what adult content is okay to consume together, then yes that is infidelity). It won't stop with just consuming content. I cannot express this enough, you will eventually move toward a relationship with a fat person through a place like this, and then you are using *everybody* and harming fat people even more. I cannot tell you how most of us are treated like we are disposable and interchangeable instead of as actual humans with feelings. You know subconsciously that you want a connection with a fat person and pretending otherwise just to keep a thin partner only uses everyone as an object.

TLDR: you already know the answer. It sucks, I know, and I do sincerely understand it's hard. Loving someone also means acknowledging and acting upon that you cannot provide them what they need, which you can't. That's no one's fault.

You sound like you gave it your best shot and that's a good thing. Most relationships are not supposed to last forever, and you have a choice of either *really* hurting a lot of people through deception and denial (including yourself!) or being honest with everyone for their own good.

yeppppppp. because they get away with it and whine when people call it out

For someone who wants harmony they sure as heck love to make it clear that ~one side~ is clearly in the wrong lol.

Like I get it, I do, but the fact is that dogwhistles are a thing, a quite nefarious one, and the only appropriate response is to call them out every single time without fail.

For someone who purports to totally respect women in their profile, it seems to be lost on you that a woman hears this exact rhetoric from other men *constantly* in private also.
I cannot tell you how many men have told me out of the blue "wow you're not like all the others who are scamming for money and begging for sponsored feedings."

So the fact that they then come here to complain about it and implying that people just want money (a classic misogynist take about how women are golddiggers) makes this absolutely relevant. And it is almost entirely exclusive to men complaining about women.





Oh, I agree. Like blatantly ignoring that the question I asked was for the site owner specifically, that's why it was quoted for him. And also dismissing womens' experience. A man complains about a woman's behavior with very clear misogynist rhetoric, and a woman points out that there is certainly likely to be critical information left out of the story. That almost all women here who have experienced prior comparisons can tell you.

So how about if that's not an experience you have, you don't tone-police a woman about it? (And yes it's clear you don't, because this wouldn't be your response if it was).



hiccupx's response was dismissive (a lot like yours!) but not dragging. Nor did I deny I was projecting, I just agreed like yeah I could have framed it better but my message would have been the same. I said what I said on purpose. I know exactly what I was saying.

Nothing in the section you quoted was against anything or anyone. They were sincere questions. If hiccupx is willing to consider what I suggested, then that's actually a move to make things equal.

Additionally, these aren't "my own issues." You can't both say that you acknowledge women experience constant dehumanization and then scoff when we point out that these topics are absolutely related. Either you are aware this happens constantly (and actively participate in it) or you are not. They are not separate.

I'm not saying that bait and switching doesn't happen *ever*. Or that there aren't women in the community who have heard that places like these exist and these kind of transactions *can* occur and join specifically for that reason. I *am* saying that the vast majority of the time, when men experience this, there are multiple obvious things at play and they are conveniently excluded from the conversation: their own social skills, ability to gauge a fake profile, or literal assumption that they would get free content. There is absolutely an overlap with that and what I vented about. I've had enough conversations with men like that to promise you something else happened in that conversation that is OP's responsibility, whether or not he knows it.

And when they come here to the forums, it's always sympathy and blameshifting they want. Thankfully in this thread a couple of people have pointed out to OP that yeah, it's not very clear on your end and we don't have all the info, but largely that's not the response to these types of threads.

It's happened to me a few times also, chatting with another woman and she throws her pitch whether she's a content creator or just a little lost. It never bothers me. Ether I decline and we move on or we kindly part ways. And I'm a queer woman who is probably *more* frustrated with the low femme population than men are.

If OP had said "Man, I am really tired of this happening, can anyone offer pointers, am I missing something?" Totally different conversation. Instead it was clearly framed was "this woman dared to ask me for something when I'm not visibly offering anything or conveniently not providing any other context or detail." And not only do I see it in the forums but I get full on DMs and private chats about it *all the time* - and despite the fact that most men here *really* want to interact with women, they sure as heck hate listening to us when we provide feedback or offer proactive advice.

So yeah, if a man is going to complain about an interaction with a woman that almost always happens in this way, women absolutely should be able to provide the context of their experiences also.