I'm with Bella in desiring, in different ways, to be both bigger and smaller, and the tension between those two keeping me kind of stuck in the middle. Although I don't know how well my body would take to being much bigger or smaller anyway.....

...and that is always an issue: no matter what you'd like in your mind, your body may or may not cooperate with that. Learning to get along with your body always helps. I think it is almost always better to say: "I'm going to make these changes in my lifestyle, which might result in a change in my body" rather than "I'm going to gain/lose this much weight." You can control what you do, you can't control how your body reacts to it.

For pretty much as long as I've been around the on-line 'fat' community ('96 or so I think I started), there have been occasional under-18s who have wandered in, all enthusiastic. It is kind of tough to say "Really sorry, but you can't take part in this community until you are 18...we believe you feel what feel, we felt that way at your age too, but please go away for a few more years...."

Ultimately, at that age, any restraints on them is some combination of themselves and their parents, but I suspect that in some cases rebelling against parents goes hand in hand with indulging in the joy of gaining.

I do agree that I'd suggest kids hold off until they are older, and that is the nasty double edged sword of making the communities 18+....can't explain that to them. On the other hand, there are very good reasons for making the communities 18+ (not that kids can't just lie about their age, but that is a whole other issue).

I like to say that there are three types of being an FA:

- you like fat on the group of people to which you might be sexually attracted (women of your general type, in your case). Fat as an erotic thing.
- People whom you are not generally going to find sexually attractive. Fat as a general aesthetic thing.
- Yourself. Fat as either an auto-erotic thing or a self-identity thing.

People can be any one, two, or all three of those (and in varying degrees at that). It sounds like you are the first case, not the third case, and I don't know about the middle one. This is pretty common in heterosexual FA, but I don't see why it can't be the case in homosexual ones too. For that matter look at the male homosexual community, where, if I understand correctly, a lot of the guys interested in the 'bears' are themselves slender.

So I don't think there is anything strange about it.

Having said that, finding a way to come to peace with your body would be good....

Ditto on the above--congrats, and curious about the hair

1) Variety is good So a variety of light levels at different times is nice.

2) I 'see' with my fingers, and my whole body really, far better/more intensely than with my eyes, so in some ways having the light on is just a distraction, because from habit I spend more time looking instead of focusing on the feel. Not that I don't like the way she looks, I love it! But being completely submerged in tactile sensation is.....ummm.....wow....

He might be only interested in 'getting off' with his gaining fetish. But....it could also be a combination of long-distance relationship and a classic 'Mars-Venus' type of mis-match.

A couple of stereotypes that probably have some relevence (not saying they are entirely true of anyone or true at all of any particular person, but general trends):
- Men's thoughts tend to be a rail-road....a lot can move down it at once, but only one thing, going one way. Women's thoughts tend to be more of a multi-lane highway, with a lot of different thoughts all going along at different speeds in different ways.
- "Men will get into a relationship in order to get sex, women will have sex to get into a relationship....then love can take over and change everything around."
- Men's friends are the people they do things with, who they may eventually open up to emotionally. Women's friends are the people they open up to emotionally, who they may eventually start doing things with.

From the last point: The 'thing' that first pulled you together is mutual interest in weight gain, for him it is probably normal that is the main thrust of what you 'do' together (you can only talk about it, but it is an experience you can both share). Over time as trust and intimacy grows he might expect that you'll branch into other areas.

From the middle point: the 'sex' at this point is erotic weight gain, even if not actual sex. This goes along with the previous one, he may expect/accept that over time things will turn into more of a relationship, but what he wants first and foremost sounds like the sex part.

From the first stereotype: a lot of the rest of the day he is probably thinking about other things--he pretty much has to think about other things a lot of the time. And he probably looks forward to that time when he can indulge in the thoughts that he really enjoys, and focus on them, and to him it probably makes no sense to make the whole freight train of sensual feelings pull over onto a siding to let some other thought run down the tracks....maybe once the train has made it to its destination he wouldn't mind, but until then it is probably irritating.

And note, in a LDR there is a lot less opportunity to get beyond the first one or two things at the head of your mental priority list. You don't have that opportunity to bitch about your co-worker while in line at the grocery store, or whatever. Even the horniest guys will have times of thinking of other things in a day....but at the moment you are not getting those parts of his day.

If you look at your first post and replace all weight gain references to simple sex references, you get something you'd see in a lot of advice columns, I think. It is a pretty classic situation, dressed up in a fat suit. The classic answer is to make him 'earn' the sex part by showing he can do all the other things required in life, and in the process let you decide if there is enough to him to hold your interest. The problem, of course, is that once he's had it easy, able to dive right into what interests him, he is less apt to be willing to be patient on that front.

Still, I think your best bet is to be pretty up front, and say that you are getting bored. That for you weight gain is a spice, not the main course of life--and you are getting bored of the taste of pepper all the time. Then give him a map of how you'd like things to be done....like you'd love to be able to talk about your days, with maybe just a couple of weight-based flirts thrown in, or whatever.

Cut off from an easy source of weight gain stimulation, he may fade away....or he might get his act together and become a whole lot more interesting.

Good luck!