I've had a similar experience in regards to being a feeder. I would personally loveeee to feed someone to the 500-600 mark I have a far greater value on a strong emotional bond and I deeply desire to take good care of my significant others mental and physical well being. I'm currently trying to help my girlfriend lose weight from around 320->200 ish ideally even though the deep dark cravings within want to see what she would look like bigger. I keep myself sane in a variety of ways but it's important that you can be genuine with myself. I'm still going to find her hot smaller and my insatiable love for tummies has appreciation for all sizes from flat to waterbed so I can still genuinely adore her tummy but keeping some self awareness and trying to spread out your interests in particular is important. As far as the outside world is concerned I mean well fuck the people lol. You'll find people who will consider you attractive regardless especially if you take care of yourself. It does depend on really deep down how much you care about people who really dont have any deeper thought process than analyzing your weight (who gives a damn what sheep think? ffa or normie what value do their opinions really have?) But if the strife is too much for you than maybe try and find passion somewhere else? And if that doesn't jam with you just try and appraise what this really means to you at heart

Good luck!!! I wish you the best in your soul searching

I have Asperger's and adhd. Someone mentioned earlier that they thought there were high rates of autism in the community and interestingly at least as far as aspergers goes, there are actually a couple of studies around sexuality in people with it. (I recommend looking it up and reading some of the articles and studies if your interested, multiple sources.) The main takeaway that I noticed was that there was a particularly high rate of sexual deviancy in the studied groups. So it seems to be more of a drawing towards deviancy than a specific love for soft bodies and the like.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5789215/ this one is interesting. Didn't re read it fully but pointing to repetitive behaviors seems to fit this niche particularly well (more more bigger bigger feed feed)
My brain is a bit garbled at the moment but hopefully this is coherent to a degree.