i think this belongs in the personals section, not general.

hey, great post - i suspect you are not alone in how you feel. and the fact that you've done some math to try to figure this out is pretty cool (to me), although i have an innate distrust of all statistics.

let me give you another perspective.

i grew up like you; knowing i was a feedist before i had words to put to it. and i honestly thought i was the only one, until i discovered the internet, when i was already dating fat girls without even wanting to admit to myself that the fact they were fat made them more attractive to me.

in the almost 30 years since then, i have changed a lot. i discovered i was queer/bi-sexual, and have had female, male and trans partners. at the age of about 40 i went from a fit, lean athletic (feeder) body and began my gaining journey that tripled my size (becoming a feedee). i have had many, many partners (i think the technical term for my behaviour in my 20s and 30ths is "floozy" , but i have had maybe 6 very serious, long-lasting relationships over those 30 years that i could have thought would have been the "forever" partner.

of those 6, only 2 knew what feedism was when i met them.

i remember a partner that i lived with, we were gym buddies. he did not have any idea that i was a feeder, we never talked about our kinks or preferences until after we became a couple. he was very muscular and wanted to "bulk." i used that as my window and explained to him that i was a feeder, i could help. he would be my feedee. for a year, he really got into it, and feeding became a big part of our sex life (along with bondage and other fun stuff!). i grew him to over 300 lbs, with a big, soft, beautiful gut.

my current partner (amazingem) met me when i was 330 lbs. she liked fat guys, but she was not a feeder - she'd never heard the word before! but she helped me get to 470+ lbs through feeding. i introduced her to the concept, even to ff and feabie - she's not a die-hard like the rest of us, but she appreciates aspects of it, and she knows she can use aspects of feeding to turn me on. i don't think she would describe herself as a feeder, but she often performs that function in our play time.

the point i'm trying to make is, don't limit yourself to one kind of intimacy. people are complex, we have many, many sides. we don't *just* like to feed, or be feed, or wear leather, or be tied up, etc.... we are not one-dimensional. so don't limit yourself to a single dimension, either. there's other things you find joy in - if you think there aren't, you need to get out more and experience some other stuff! because no one is that binary.

intimacy is based on trust. if you find someone you trust, and develop some kind of affection, like in my experience, you may find they will be interested (at some level) in the things that interest you. but it takes compromise, too. if you go into a relationship with an all-or-nothing mindset, unwilling to compromise, well, that's not a relationship - you are probably looking at something more transactional at that point.

best of luck in your search - i hope you find someone that you are compatible with, outside of feeding, because that is far, far more important, in my experience.

i have been a part of various kink communities over the decades, and i would agree with your assessment - compared to others, feedism has a higher degree of masc-identifiying participants transitioning to something else. either gender-fluid, or transitioning (either in reality or in their fantasies) into the bbw that they idealized.

i guess i have experienced it personally, to a degree. while i have no intent of transitioning, as i grew from a fit feeder to a ssbhm feedee, gender play definitely became a part of my sex life with my partner. soft, fat flesh definitely leans to being more feminine than taught, lean muscle (i know some bhm will bristle at this, lol). pecs turn to boobs, all of that... when my partner shaved off my body hair, it became even more apparent the growing (pun intended) similarities between my fat body and bbw partners i'd had in the past... and that was a turn-on for both me and my partner.

my theory is that it is all related to the deeply-programmed societal relationship of soft voluptuousness being seen as feminine.... and as these gender standards start to change and shift, it will dissipate. i am a bi-guy with a trans partner, so i see it happening, but it will take a few generations to sink in... so maybe when i am in my 80s?

interesting topic! i wish we had some polled stats to look at to see how kink communities trend.

i was about 150lbs at the start of 2018. i started to gain by accident while dating a fat foodie... based on that initial gain of 25 lbs or so, i thought i would "give it a try" and i took a break from the gym and let myself go above 200.

i *never* thought i would get as big as i am now - i couldn't even imagine it back then! my heaviest was around 475lbs, hard to believe at 450 i had tripled my original size! i am a little less than that now.



totally! it feels to me like i've got to live two different lives, and it has been such an amazing experience.

here is a really good collection on soundcloud, "massively fattening:"

soundcloud.com/massively-fattening

i have found through the course of my adult life that new things turn me on, on a whole bunch of occasions.

part of it is just getting exposed to new things and you learn, oh, i like that! but the other part - which i think is more what you're describing - is that you become more "tuned into" yourself over time (or i hope most people do!), and if you keep yourself open and paying attention, it opens you up to different responses... eating is such an ordinary thing, but if you really pay attention to it and how it feels, it's not always the same...

we used to have several community meet-ups here every year here in toronto before the pandemic. since then there's been fewer, but i've been to two. i think for large cities they aren't uncommon.

congrats to the winners!

(i think the link to the picture needs to be fixed, though)