thanks for clarifying. not sure i agree with everything that you said, but that's fine. i am not schooled in psychology, biology, etc. so i am definitely not an expert.



i agree with you - not every male feedee. by far. in fact, they are probably in the minority.

however, in kink space (which i am very experienced in) there is a big overlap on the venn diagram of those with the male feedee/gainer kink and a feminization kink. hence why this topic is re-initiated by someone new every two months.

i don't know why anyone has to "push back" on anything? it's like the people who decry death feedists... it's their kink. if you don't like it (it's certainly not my thing), don't participate. but let them do what they like if they're consenting adults.

you lost me - who has no choice, and who is the dinosaur???

ironic stance given your user name.

i got the joke. i thought it was funny. you didn't like the joke. that's fine too. If urchie said what you said, no, it's not funny. but they way they said it was funny.

what they said was not meant to demean, it was not said to dismiss anyone. it was not said from a position of power. it was not hurtful. it was not even directed at anyone in particular, they didn't call any single person a name. they said it to "the room."

it's even on topic, the more i think about it. we have two stances in this thread: people saying "i think fat people are more feminine, or become more femme-like as they gain," and the other side saying, "no, not true, fat can be masculine too."

you mentioned you have struggled with this, and you are working on getting to a better place by working out, which is great. kudos for you. but you may also want to more carefully examine why you feel compelled to assert your masculinity. i don't know you, but i detect your discomfort with feminine side.

i speak from experience. i spent my teens/20s as a straight man. being called gay was a perjorative term. later in my 20s i become bi. now in my 40s i am with a trans partner, and gender play is a thing. it's a journey, and it's not done yet! but i can look back at how i thought, how i saw myself and others 25 years ago, and i see how much was just me - not anyone else.

and if this discussion topic (it's a common one here on ff) is triggering, i suggest just avoiding it. if you don't like it or agree with it, i understand. if you're offended at the mention of an egg, not even specifically directed at you, fine - sometimes it's ok to be offended. but i don't think urchie was being offensive. there's a difference.

i am tending to agree with urchie on this one.

i think the challenge is just number of calories... and something to do with the metabolism.

i never got to 500 lbs (kudos to you on that amazing achievement!), and at my heaviest i was consuming probably 7000-8000 calories a day! (i had a few 10k days but those were exceptional.) a lot of those calories were just maintaining my size at that time.

when i had to make diet changes for health reasons, i cut out beer and sugary foods, and i lost like 50 lbs... but i didn't keep losing. so somehow my metabolism adjusted itself for the change in my diet.

i don't know the science behind it, but there's a relationship there, but i wouldn't mess with it for fear of health issues (blood sugar levels, etc.) personally, i like being fat, but i don't want to be sick.

it's always helpful to have someone who is encouraging you and pushing you when you're gaining, though. having a person ask, "just one more?" after you say you're full, and pushing you to finish one more serving.

lol, i didn't know what this meant.

i am old, sorry, lol, my slang is vintage.

my partner, who is both trans and more than a decade younger than me (but still probably old from urchie's point of view) explained it to me.,

we both thought it was funny, not offensive.

it seemed to read the room pretty well, and wasn't directed at anyone in particular.

i love drinks - beer, wine, scotch... i was a real beer aficionado, and love the exotic (and strong) styles, like triple IPAs, russian imperial stouts... big flavours, big alcohol content!

i credit drinking (beer in particular, in my case) for a lot of my gains. not just the drinks themselves, but that it would make me hungry. so drinking always led to more eating.

sadly i've had to cut out alcohol from my diet (getting sugar under control). i lost about 50 lbs - again, mostly due to reducing booze, i think. but my weight kind of stablized at around 425 lbs.

can confirm - drinking helps you get fat(ter)!

it's so different for everyone. my arms did not get really big, even after gaining a few hundred pounds. my partner, who at less than half my size, has nice, fat. jiggly gorgeous arms.

great point - everyone has to do what they feel they need to.

as soon as i started hearing about ozempic, my first thought was, "i wonder what horrible side effect they'll discover five or seven years from now?"

i think this belongs in the personals section, not general.

hey, great post - i suspect you are not alone in how you feel. and the fact that you've done some math to try to figure this out is pretty cool (to me), although i have an innate distrust of all statistics.

let me give you another perspective.

i grew up like you; knowing i was a feedist before i had words to put to it. and i honestly thought i was the only one, until i discovered the internet, when i was already dating fat girls without even wanting to admit to myself that the fact they were fat made them more attractive to me.

in the almost 30 years since then, i have changed a lot. i discovered i was queer/bi-sexual, and have had female, male and trans partners. at the age of about 40 i went from a fit, lean athletic (feeder) body and began my gaining journey that tripled my size (becoming a feedee). i have had many, many partners (i think the technical term for my behaviour in my 20s and 30ths is "floozy" , but i have had maybe 6 very serious, long-lasting relationships over those 30 years that i could have thought would have been the "forever" partner.

of those 6, only 2 knew what feedism was when i met them.

i remember a partner that i lived with, we were gym buddies. he did not have any idea that i was a feeder, we never talked about our kinks or preferences until after we became a couple. he was very muscular and wanted to "bulk." i used that as my window and explained to him that i was a feeder, i could help. he would be my feedee. for a year, he really got into it, and feeding became a big part of our sex life (along with bondage and other fun stuff!). i grew him to over 300 lbs, with a big, soft, beautiful gut.

my current partner (amazingem) met me when i was 330 lbs. she liked fat guys, but she was not a feeder - she'd never heard the word before! but she helped me get to 470+ lbs through feeding. i introduced her to the concept, even to ff and feabie - she's not a die-hard like the rest of us, but she appreciates aspects of it, and she knows she can use aspects of feeding to turn me on. i don't think she would describe herself as a feeder, but she often performs that function in our play time.

the point i'm trying to make is, don't limit yourself to one kind of intimacy. people are complex, we have many, many sides. we don't *just* like to feed, or be feed, or wear leather, or be tied up, etc.... we are not one-dimensional. so don't limit yourself to a single dimension, either. there's other things you find joy in - if you think there aren't, you need to get out more and experience some other stuff! because no one is that binary.

intimacy is based on trust. if you find someone you trust, and develop some kind of affection, like in my experience, you may find they will be interested (at some level) in the things that interest you. but it takes compromise, too. if you go into a relationship with an all-or-nothing mindset, unwilling to compromise, well, that's not a relationship - you are probably looking at something more transactional at that point.

best of luck in your search - i hope you find someone that you are compatible with, outside of feeding, because that is far, far more important, in my experience.