Gonna jump in with the "don't do it" crowd.

H&H and hc are doable because the fat is emulsified in water with protein. Much easier to digest. Plus, plenty of people already struggle with the fat content of hc, which is 30-40% fat, depending on what kind you get.

Lard is 100% fat. Human digestive tract cannot handle that.

(If there's another reason lard in particular doesn't work, I don't know it, and would appreciate hearing it)

Wait, what do you mean it's not as revered as it once was?

OP, as others have said, you’ve got some options to explore, and you’re reflecting, and that’s good 👍

I’m gonna echo what others have said: no one wants to be settled for. Someone who is open to a romantic relationship without a sexual relationship will still want to be loved and cherished romantically, and not settled for.

Which leads to a question:

Do you know for yourself what it feels like when you experience romantic vs. sexual attraction? Like, when you said you’ve met women you’re interested in and have some compatibility with, do you feel *romantically* attracted to them?

I ask this partly as a clarifying question for my benefit, and partly as an exploratory question for (hopefully) your benefit.



Sweden isn’t the whole world though. FF has members from all over the world, and there’s plenty of places in the world where the situation is much less favorable for queer folks. Conscientiousness is needed, ya know?

But also, she was right. To my knowledge, there is not anywhere in the world where feedists are systematically oppressed or where they will be the victims of violence (for being feedists). Nor has there ever been. The same is not true for queer folks.

———

Re: vanity. I wonder if there’s a cultural or language difference happening here? In the USA, “vanity” is typically seen as a character flaw. Is that what you’re trying to say? Does vain not have this moral connotation in Sweden?

———

Total tangent.

Re: kink vs. fetish vs. paraphilia. Whoever corrected someone about feedism being a paraphilia and not a fetish, you annoyed me (I’m fully owning that lol) and you’re incorrect, so I’m gonna out-correct you here’s my friendly soap box:

Definitions are generally descriptive (ie, how people use words), not prescriptive (ie, there are invariable and “correct” definitions). People in different contexts use words differently. Outside of academic or clinical settings, there’s no real difference between “fetish” and “paraphilia”, or between paraphilia and “kink”. (I rarely see “paraphilia” used). And lots of people use fetish and kink interchangeably too (though yes, some groups care to differentiate).

Metabolism and weight gain is way more complex than the oversimplified "calories in < calories out" that the diet industry sells us

This kind of question comes up from time to time... as someone who has a significantly slower metabolism than they used to, I REALLY don't recommend it.

Lower metabolism means your body is making less energy. That can, IME, contribute to chronic fatigue. Profoundly unfun.

Keep your energy and just overeat. If you're having trouble overeating, then yes, dairy fat is a great way to add a bunch of extra calories. IME, half and half is easier to digest than HC, but YMMV.

Another thing to think about might be the intersection of how you like to socialize online vs. what kinds of engagement a platform facilitates.

For example, FF isn't my go to place to make social connections. Rather, because of the format (forum) and the active users, I experience FF as kinda the feedism brain trust. I like engaging here mostly on a problem-solving basis (like this!). I love it for that, and have for a long time.

But based on how I like to socialize online, tumblr is a much better fit for me. I haven't really made any social connections here, but I have there.

No site can be everything to everyone, but kudos to the FF team for making this site so much to so many!

If something is "coerced", that means that the person did not consent. Whatever was "coerced" happened against their will.

Is that what you meant?

Consent is critical for engaging in any kink.

I wonder how much of it has to do with the interface--like, we can only pick one, ya know? I listed mutual gainer on mine not because it's the right label, but because it's the least inaccurate among the options for me.

@Highway, were you able to get a good count? Or was it just estimation/impression

Sure! Here's an example: one time, I was walking in town and noticed I was uncomfortable because I was sucking in my gut... but why was I doing that in that situation? I reflected, and realized that I was trying to avoid being perceived as fat. Why was I trying to avoid it? Apparently, to some degree, I'd internalized socially dominant narratives about being fat = bad.

So I instead decided to be propaganda and walk around being my actually fat self.

Does that kinda get at what you meant?

Valid concerns. I'm gonna echo what some others have said, with slightly different phrasing:

For you as a guy, my bet is that there wouldn't be many consequences from family or coworkers--probably just a few comments. But it really does depend on the people.

Here's some advice from my own experience: think about how these people have talked about fat people to you or around you. Doing that helped me think about how I might respond to certain important people in my life. I had a pretty good idea who was gonna say nothing and who was gonna say something, and I had a decent idea the kind of thing they were gonna say (e.g., some lighthearted teasing as a way to probe about my weight, vs. direct comments expressing genuine concern).



Second piece of advice: be careful about those shakes lol--shaking from excitement is great, but shaking cuz your body can't handle what you're putting in it gets into medical territory beyond what fellow forum users can responsibly advise about lol.

Third piece of advice, since you brought up nutting: take any "post nut clarity" with a grain of salt and pay attention to how you feel about stuffing and gaining at other times--eg, before, during, well after, and at random times when you're just a person with a body. That last one has been the most important to me--how do I feel about how fat I am (and the prospect of being fatter) when I'm just hanging out, away from sexy times or stressful social situations?

Fourth piece of advice: enjoy yourself! That's the point! If you enjoy stuffing, try that again. And if you find stuffing is all you like and you don't want to gain, that's totally cool too! And it's okay if the answer changes with time.

Hope something there is helpful!