I used to eat around a half pint a night most nights for a couple years. I wasn’t *trying* to gain, but I put on a few every year.

But I just didn’t *feel* great. I was never pre-diabetic, but I felt lethargic in way that interfered with work.

Since then, I save ice cream binges for bad moods and gaining streaks (and then I’ll eat a LOT in one or two days, but I don’t keep it up for months, ya know?). My energy doesn’t suffer as much anymore (or, rather, it suffers for different reasons :/ )

But I’m gonna hop on the don’t-do-it-if-you-want-to-preserve-metabolic-health train.

Oh jeez, that sounds disheartening--feeling like maybe you're finally gonna feel it, and then you don't.

Check out the book "attached". It's a pretty light read, about the general patterns of attachment that people from with their romantic partners.

But again, I'll offer the refrain: you're 18. very normal to have not been in love yet.

neat thank you!

huh--have a link to the NYT article or the original research?

Actually, fetishes *are* acquired tastes. You might be born with a disposition to developing a fetish, but you're not born with any particular fetish (as far as we know).

People *do* develop fetishes that they didn't previously have. (one might try to say that the fetish was always there, but latent, which would be feeble; can a person really be said to "have" a fetish if they have no thoughts, feelings, or behavior related to it, and no outside observer can detect it?)

As for the bleak outlook of succumb or regret, both should be avoidable; an important part of CBT therapies is to restructure dysfunctional thought/feeling/behavior patterns. People can and do receive treatment for patterns that bother them generally, and for paraphilia specifically.

And regarding the stance that the fetish is inevitable because you can't avoid food or fat people: I dunno about ya'll, but I don't go about my day sexualizing/fetishizing every fat person I meet or food I eat. If you find that you have intrusive sexual thoughts every time you see a fat person or eat food, again, therapy should be able to help with that.

My advice is, over the next week or two, try to pay particular attention to your thoughts, feelings, and desires regarding gaining, food, stuffing, as well as their cultural opposites—weight loss/slim ideal, dieting, restriction, etc. (ie engage in mindfulness about this stuff). Just notice your thoughts/feelings/desires/impulses. No need to act on them—just notice them, and let them go.

Also pay attention to what puts you in a good mood, and think about if that’s compatible with gaining. Also try to notice the difference between what puts you in a good mood and what alleviates bad mood.

You're 18---it's totally normal to not have fallen in love yet. So no need to fret on that yet.

Can you help me understand something? If I understand correctly, it sounds like you've had feelings for people before, but the feelings have changed once you get to know them better.

To me, it sounds like you have the *capacity* to fall in love, but it just hasn't happened yet. Is that accurate? Have you felt romantic attraction before?

Do you notice any trends about what causes you to lose feelings?

1. It wasn't hard for me to stay at a certain weight... body hovered around it within a couple pounds. If I lost weight, or overate for a couple days, my body course-corrected and got me back to that "normal" weight.

2. Occasionally. Not super often.

3. Not on purpose. Your body can take the occasional overindulgence.

4. Initially, difficult. But it becomes a lot easier if you know how to use environmental cues to your advantage. For example, when I was in college, there was one building that I'd walk into and get hungry because, just as a product of my schedule, I ended up eating a couple big lunches there when I first went to that school (hadn't started packing lunches yet, didn't;'t want to carry food, so ate a ton). When I wanted to avoid stuffing, I'd have a snack before going to that building.

So, a really good way to control stuffing behavior would be to intentionally have some kind of ritual(s) around stuffing. Like, wear particular clothes. Have a phrase you say before you start. Or only stuff in a certain place, or with certain foods (and then don't buy them when you don't want to stuff).

5. my advice might be less helpful here. Mine was over a long period of time. But I have, over the years, occasionally taken up stuffing as a hobby for a couple weeks, gained a couple (5?) pounds, and then returned to life as usual.

Oh interesting—can you point me to some research?

Uneducated guess--time might be a factor; there's been plenty of posts over the years of folks saying that a few months after a fast gain, their fat softened up a lot, though their weight remained the same.

I don't know if that phenomenon is supported by any literature, but it seems intuitive, if we conceptualize VAT as "fast access" fat and SAT as "slow access/backup/reserve"--if you spend a long time with VAT that doesn't get burnt off, maybe your body comes to understand that it won't be needing that energy any time soon, so moves it to more permanent storage.

Again, just a guess. I don't have evidence for that.