Wow, thanks for this information. Very interesting. Sorry it did not have the desired effect. (I assume you were hoping for the therapy to work, having devoted 18+ months to it.)

I think it means the person either was banned by the admins or nuked their own account. In any event, they're not a member anymore.

You might want to see a therapist who specializes in sexual disorders. As I understand it, treatment involves gradual reconditioning so that you train yourself to focus on and enjoy more "vanilla" sexual stimuli. I have never undergone this kind of therapy myself, so I can't say how effective it is, but I would say that if this fetish (or more accurately, paraphilia) causes you daily frustration and anguish, it is well worth a shot.

In general, though, I would avoid seeking advice here or on similar sites, because you probably will get a lot of people trying to dissuade you from seeking help. I think people are mostly well-meaning, but let's face it, it is a somewhat threatening idea that something that seems so ingrained into your whole being can be "cured." Again, though, if it really bothers you and/or interferes with healthy relationships, it might be important to consider treatment as an option.

While I try to find outlets for my own feederism as well as I can, if I'm being completely honest, I think overall I would be much happier and better adjusted without it. I can say for sure that all of my sexual relationships would have been MUCH easier and probably more fulfilling. I'd venture a guess that a fair number of people here feel the same way in regard to their own experiences, whether they'd admit it publicly or not. If I had it to do all over again, I'd rid myself of this burden in a heartbeat, no question. This is a controversial stance to take on a site like this, but there it is.

No offense to FF or anyone here, but trust me, you won't want to find yourself ten years down the line having to rely on sites like this in an effort to make basic connections with others in similar straits.

Good luck in coming to terms with this, whatever you decide to do.