Thanks again everyone for the advice!

I took the first step and told my partner everything. Overall, it went pretty well. He's not into it which is to be expected, but he's not against it either. I showed him a picture of the body type that I have in mind and he had no problem with it. He doesn't understand this but he'll support me in exploring it. I feel very lucky and relieved.

“Understanding why you want to gain in my opinion is very important.” That’s an interesting point. It’s something that I’ve wanted even since early childhood, but I can’t really say why. These days, it’s mostly an aspect of my sexuality which may or may not be a good enough reason to make this kind of change, but I have the feeling that there would also be a sort of self-actualization. If nothing else, gaining weight is the only way that I’ll truly know if this is what’s best for me. I think I owe it to myself to find out after all these years of fantasizing.

I have also always wanted this, but it just wasn’t possible due to metabolism and some appetite issues. I do plan to talk to my partner about this before I do anything. I think that he’ll be supportive but if it is a deal breaker, then I want to know that ahead of time because I would pick him over gaining.

Unfortunately, that most likely isn’t a part of the pleasure for me. I’ll probably try to give dead-end responses and change the topic as fast as possible. Do you happen to have any tips for prying mothers?

Thank you for the advice!

You are probably right about me overthinking coworkers’ reactions. Most of my colleagues are quite fit/health-minded so I would stand out, but they are good people who will probably drop the subject once I assure them that I’m doing well. I have a certain family member who is going to be tricky though.

I see your point that the gain would eventually be noticeable and the reactions will come whether I delay it or not. I do think that being able to cover up a bit with a sweater might give me some peace of mind and keep me from feeling quite so exposed while I adjust. That said, if I decide to do this then I really won’t want to wait another half a year so it might just have to be trial by fire.

Hello! I'm a short, skinny guy (30M) who has always been interested in being bigger. I finally did a test gain of ~30lb during the lockdowns although it somehow didn't look/feel like that much. I really enjoyed it and my partner didn't seem to mind, but I got spooked at the idea of returning to the office so I dropped most of it. At the same time, I started lifting because I refused to go back to being tiny. I've been doing that for about a year and I've made decent progress which does feel good, but I just really don't enjoy it. Lately, I've been seriously thinking about stopping lifting and finally getting properly chubby - probably aiming for something like 50-60lb (BMI ~30).

Some of my main concerns are:

1. How can I bring this up to my long-term partner? I didn't tell him much of anything when I did the test gain, but I really should talk to him this time. I feel like there's a fine line between telling him too little/too much so I want to go into that conversation with a plan and make sure that this wouldn't be a deal breaker.

2. Would it be better (mitigate reactions) to wait until Fall to gain so I can hide under sweaters, or should I start now so that it is a more visible, but gradual change? I'm not too concerned about reactions except maybe from family, but I'd still like to avoid it as much as possible.

3. How can I prepare for reactions? I've always been varying degrees of underweight so it will be noticed for sure. Having put on some muscle right before all this might have made it a little worse too.

I'd really appreciate any advice or insights that you can offer.

Absolutely. If I gain and don't like it then I can lose it. However, it'll be easier if I make the right choice from the start so I'm giving it a fair bit of thought before I start down either path.

I think that it comes down to me wanting to be bigger. It could be muscle or fat - both have their pros/cons but I just don't want to be thin/scrawny/etc.

An athletic muscle physique is a good look for pretty much anyone and universally acceptable, but it would be a difficult adjustment to work out (don't enjoy it) and watch what I eat (never had to do that before). I believe that I have the willpower to stick with it, but only if I feel that the payout is worth it.

A chubby physique is taboo, but appealing in a sensual way. Eating whatever I want and as much as I want (I would be fairly mindful of health) would be enjoyable on many levels. I'm somewhat of a foodie so the food itself is a motivator. I'm also turned on by the idea of overeating while knowing full-well that it's making me fatter.

Both have their merit, but getting fat has more risk (having to lose the weight if I don't like it, health, social, relationship, etc) but also possibly more reward. In some sense, going for muscle is the easier way out despite the effort required.

One concern is that, while being bigger in any way is a constant desire, being fatter has only been a desire when I was aroused. This has changed recently and I now feel more-or-less neutrally towards getting fat when I'm not aroused. Is that enough of a green light? Maybe I'm more confident so the idea of being fat in everyday life is more acceptable now. Maybe it's just the excitement of realizing that my metabolism is slowing and switch back and cause issues. The whole situation is sexually charged so it's difficult to think about it rationally.

A little context:
My inclination isn't to be massive, just big.

If I go for the athletic look, it'll be a slow process (ectomorph, etc) and I'll just keep at it with no specific goal. I wouldn't expect to really feel bigger for at least 2 years.

If I give in to gaining then I'd start with another 20 (up 25-30 from baseline) and see how I feel. I'd keep up walking/cardio for stamina and maybe a do a little bit of at-home workout so that it's not purely a skinny-fat look (I have very little muscle at present). If all is well, then I'd aim for 50 up from baseline. After that, I probably wouldn't want to gain intentionally but I could see myself ending up +60-70 in the long run.

I can absolutely relate to everything that you said one hundred percent!

"Are you eating enough?"
"You should eat more."
"How are you so cold?! / Your hands are purple?!"

Just the other day, I was having a meal with my parents for Father's day and they were asking all those questions for what felt like the millionth time. For the first time, I was able to tell them that I'd actually gained a little weight. I wasn't sure if they would ask if I was eating healthy or something along those lines since they are health nuts, but they responded with a resounding "GOOD!". Wonder how long that'll keep up if I decide to gain for real...

Edit - More War Stories:

I knew that I was into fat on some level from an early age so I was pretty excited when I was given the high-calorie Ensure shakes sometime around age 12 (doctor was worried about my weight). Turns out that 3+ years of drinking the stuff daily does diddly squat when you have the metabolism of a racehorse.

Years later, I tried every kind of bulking regime to see if working out could do anything. Nope. The best I ever managed was around two pounds up from baseline and it took a ton of work. I ultimate stopped because years of effort really didn't get me anywhere. In time, I accepted the situation and waited for my metabolism to calm down.

One more story in case the purple hands thing is foreign to anyone interested... When you're very underweight, cold hits like a truck. I can dress for the cold in Winder, but air-conditioning in Summer is the real killer. Way back in high school, they liked to crank the AC and whenever I was seated under a vent I would get really cold and my hands would go deep purple and very numb. One time I was writing a math test and halfway through I had to ask the teacher if I could switch seats with anyone. Of course, the teacher was confused so I had to show him my hands and explain that I was no longer able to write. Naturally, the whole class saw/heard and somebody had to move. That wasn't a great day, but it did teach me to always pack a sweater in Summer which has been an invaluable lesson.

When I'm aroused, I'm really into the idea of gaining. The rest of the time, I don't dislike it but I also think about working towards an athletic bodytype. I'm having trouble weighing my options objectively.

I have always been rail thin (and I hate it), but I'm in my mid/late 20s now and my metabolism is finally slowing down. Without trying, I have already gained 5-10lb, which is very apparent on my small frame. This change has made me want to embrace gaining, but a part of me is afraid that I'll gain a moderate amount and then realize that I'd rather lose it all and work towards an athletic body.

If I hold off on making a decision, then my weight will probably continue to increase slowly and it will become harder and harder to keep from giving in to gaining.

I realize that my decision doesn't have to be final, but I'm having trouble deciding what to do none-the-less. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks!