When I first started putting on weight several of my friends commented on it. As I continued to gain weight the comments stopped, whether to spare my feelings or because they had become used to my being fat. What did surprise me was that when the topic of weight or dieting came up, people who had known me at school when I was skinny imagined that I had always had a weight problem.

My family were different. My mother, in particular, and my sisters continued to make pointed remarks about my weight and nagged me to lose it. Family members who I only saw periodically nearly always mentioned my growing size. Now that I am in a permanent relationship and my partner is also obese (not as heavy as me but we are working on it) the negative comments have stopped, although that has not stopped my mother pulling me aside and badgering me about my weight. I suppose she means well but cannot appreciate the importance to me as a gainer to be an ample size and the effort I have put in to achieve this.

If you are morbidly obese, it is the first thing people notice, even before they have spoken to you. Most people have fairly sterotypical views on obesity and put it down to laziness, greed, lack of self control and esteem. They immediately assume you are unfit and unhealthy. This certainly affects your prospects in the employment market. I changed jobs about five years ago. At the time I was about 250 pounds, so I was obese but within conventional limits so it did not affect my prospects. Now I am more than 100 pounds heavier I think that I would be at a much greater disadvantage at a job interview. It is not fair but a fact to accept. At work I probably work harder than anyone and take fewer days off sick...for what it is worth.

Abandoning yourself to gaining is the most fantastic thing you can do. Every instinct tells you to ber careful but there is a great sense of liberation when you give in to your life-long onsession. I find that now I am morbidly obese I enjoy everything about, even if that sounds somewhat perverse.

I like the fact that, except on the internet, I find it difficult to buy clothes that fit me. I like the fact that people prejudge me when I first meet them. I enjoy having to make calculations all the time: can I fit in that seat, can I get into that car,... I find pleasure even in the ways obesity restricts what I can do: can I pick that up, can I walk that far, why am I always hot, why am I always out of breath, why am I always ravenously hungry...