Wanting to be fat but the opposite sex?
(continued because it cut me off)
Terrified that I would regret it. I woke up and I've never felt more at peace with my body.
To make that choice, it was the question of growing old in my body and being buried in my body that did it for me. I couldn't imagine myself as an old woman: that thought caused me immense dread. I felt like I would never be seen, and if I were buried like that, I would eternally trap myself in a lie.
(dramatic, I know, but that's what did it because my childhood was not the straightforward "Oh I liked stuff of the opposite sex" that other people seem to have...? I don't know xD Maybe people just say that so that psychologists don't question them as much. And I kinda use that logic to make most major decisions in my life -- will I look back when I'm 90 and say I wish I did it different?)
So my dysphoria is mostly corporeal. I don't really prescribe to many stereotypes and even my friends say I act more agender or nonbinary than one way or the other which suits me fine. My actions are not dictated by my body, and neither are my preferences. Now, I'm just reclaiming my body to align it with my mind.
There were a couple of snags along the way, like changing names (not legally yet, but getting used to it) that I was worried meant I wasn't "really a man" because it was a little weird to be called a different name from the one I was called at birth.
Then I realized some married couples go through the same thing.
Which leads me to:
WHAT IF I MADE THIS ALL UP IN MY HEAD
Everyone thinks that at some point in their lives. For some people it's "I thought this new job would be great" and for others it's "I thought that I wanted children and now I realize it's more work than I imagined" and still yet "I thought I wanted to go to university, but now I'm not so sure."
To doubt is human. It's good. It means you know yourself, you're thinking, and you're questioning. You are being an active participant in your own future.
It's normal and healthy. Even if you decide in the end that you are a cis man with a kink (which there is no shame in being). Even if you decide you are a woman (which there is no shame in being).
If you have any other questions, message me on here and I'll gladly give you my email so we can yak. Again I'm not an authority, but I hope this helped even a little
Best of luck and I wish you happiness and peace
Terrified that I would regret it. I woke up and I've never felt more at peace with my body.
To make that choice, it was the question of growing old in my body and being buried in my body that did it for me. I couldn't imagine myself as an old woman: that thought caused me immense dread. I felt like I would never be seen, and if I were buried like that, I would eternally trap myself in a lie.
(dramatic, I know, but that's what did it because my childhood was not the straightforward "Oh I liked stuff of the opposite sex" that other people seem to have...? I don't know xD Maybe people just say that so that psychologists don't question them as much. And I kinda use that logic to make most major decisions in my life -- will I look back when I'm 90 and say I wish I did it different?)
So my dysphoria is mostly corporeal. I don't really prescribe to many stereotypes and even my friends say I act more agender or nonbinary than one way or the other which suits me fine. My actions are not dictated by my body, and neither are my preferences. Now, I'm just reclaiming my body to align it with my mind.
There were a couple of snags along the way, like changing names (not legally yet, but getting used to it) that I was worried meant I wasn't "really a man" because it was a little weird to be called a different name from the one I was called at birth.
Then I realized some married couples go through the same thing.
Which leads me to:
WHAT IF I MADE THIS ALL UP IN MY HEAD
Everyone thinks that at some point in their lives. For some people it's "I thought this new job would be great" and for others it's "I thought that I wanted children and now I realize it's more work than I imagined" and still yet "I thought I wanted to go to university, but now I'm not so sure."
To doubt is human. It's good. It means you know yourself, you're thinking, and you're questioning. You are being an active participant in your own future.
It's normal and healthy. Even if you decide in the end that you are a cis man with a kink (which there is no shame in being). Even if you decide you are a woman (which there is no shame in being).
If you have any other questions, message me on here and I'll gladly give you my email so we can yak. Again I'm not an authority, but I hope this helped even a little
Best of luck and I wish you happiness and peace
5 years
Wanting to be fat but the opposite sex?
fattyerin:
Hi,
So I am a 19 year old male and I'm just starting to ask myself questions about my gender and sexuality. I've known for as long as I can remember, that the biggest turn on for me is becoming super fat but being a female instead of a male. This has made me wonder if I am trans in any way or if this is just a fantasy? However, this is led me to see somethings I did in my past and now that lead me to be more unsure of me gender identity. So I am wondering if there are any trans gainers here that can talk to me about this stuff?
Thanks
Hi,
So I am a 19 year old male and I'm just starting to ask myself questions about my gender and sexuality. I've known for as long as I can remember, that the biggest turn on for me is becoming super fat but being a female instead of a male. This has made me wonder if I am trans in any way or if this is just a fantasy? However, this is led me to see somethings I did in my past and now that lead me to be more unsure of me gender identity. So I am wondering if there are any trans gainers here that can talk to me about this stuff?
Thanks
Heya!
So I'm also 19 (nearly 20), and I am a transman who has been transitioning for approximately two years and have never been happier with my body. I will open by saying I am not a gainer.
Dara Hoffman Fox is a fantastic gender therapist who has a video series about questioning your gender that some people find useful and more thought exercises in a book called "The Gender Workbook"
ABOUT GAINING AND TRANSITION :
I can say that I have bumped into a couple of people like you before with gaining and gender swapping seeming to be a dual fetish, so it doesn't seem uncommon. I don't know much about it as a fetish on its own, and therefore won't speak to it beyond that there are definately more people than yourself who have thought about this, so you don't have to feel alone.
I will say though that in terms of questioning your gender, it really should go beyond being a turn on, because a transition is a 24/7 thing, not just a sexy thing. That being said you can still have a kink like that and not necessarily be trans.
That said: I really really don't want to belittle your experience, and every trans person is different, and I am by no means the authority of all trans issues ever. I could be totally wrong.
I can say that when I'm aroused, I get a phantom limb as though I have a phallus. The phantom limb itself is not a turn on to me- it's just there because my brain thinks I have one when I in reality, do not. And while that did serve as AN indication I could be a man, for me it was definately not the ONLY indication, and questioning my gender required further exploration than that alone.
QUESTIONS I THOUGHT ABOUT:
Other things I considered when questioning my gender that were helpful were not so much the question "am I a man" or "am I trans" but questions like:
- when you envision yourself as a 70 year old, how do you see your body?
-If you were to age with a partner, are you happy with them seeing you as the gender you were assigned at birth, not just in bed but 24/7?
-If you were the last person on Earth, and nothing else mattered but you could magically transition, would you still do it?
-If a room were being divided between men and women, which group would you feel more comfortable relating to and speaking with?
-When you dream (like REM sleep, not daydreaming), are you a man or a woman (or nonbinary)?
-Does your body and the gendered parts of your body bring you discomfort?
-If I said this is the body that was going in a coffin, the only one anyone on this planet would know you as, do you feel comfortable or at ease with that?
If you answer in negation to these questions, really ask yourself what specifically causes that negation. Is it because you feel restrained by social expectation? Is it your own personal discomfort with your body? Or is it an expectation someone close to you has?
FLUIDITY AND STEREOTYPES:
It's totally okay to go through this process, maybe present as female and use female pronouns for a while, and then decide you know what, this isn't me. THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY. It doesn't make you a fake or a bigot or any of the rest of it. It's okay to experiment and learn new parts of your identity.
(I wish someone told me that xD I think I would've come out earlier)
It's really important to remember that gender stereotypes are not realities of a given gender. Ie, liking dresses as a man does not make you a woman any more than liking sports as a woman makes you a man.
Ie: There are transwomen who are metal heads and lift weights and hate dresses, just like there are cis women who do the same.
There are transmen who wear makeup and dresses and cis men who do the same. (I personally don't, although I keep (well, growing it back out) my long hair because I LIKE it long and it makes me feel like Aragon. Fight me.)
Anyway, gender is really fluid, and so is presentation. So just because you don't like stereotypical feminine things doesn't mean you're not a woman, and vice versa. (which makes this process more confusing, I know and I'm sorry, but it needs to be said and talked about more than it is in my opinion.)
WHY I TRANSITIONED ULTIMATELY:
For me, it was more about my body and the way I related to it and how other people saw my body and how both those dynamics reflected who I am. I've recently had my first surgery and I was
5 years
Difficulties of 300+ pound body and how can a partner help?
curiousv:
This is a very broad topic.
And some people start experiencing very heavy limitations even at 250 pounds, while others remain very active and flexible even at 500+.
sweetfattie:
This is very true. I'm currently around 360 and still fairly strong and mobile. A few difficulties have been developing in the last year or so, though.
Restaurant booths and chairs: Before taking your partner to a new restaurant, take a look at the seating arrangements. Most chairs with arms are uncomfortable for me, since I tend to gain weight in my lower half (hips/butt/thighs). And booths can sometimes be a tight squeeze. Hot, but pressure on my belly isn't conducive to filling it all the way.
Cars: I can squish myself into a compact car if I have to, but it's not very comfortable. Larger vehicles fit me better. People who gain primarily in the belly may have an easier time with this.
Air travel: I'll definitely have to get two seats if I ever fly again. If you're booking a flight for you and your partner, check their policy toward "customers of size". Southwest is pretty good about it. Again, people with most of their weight in the belly might be good with just a seatbelt extender. My problem is wide hips and butt.
Feet: It's getting harder to deal with shoes and cut/paint my toenails as my belly grows. I can do it, it's just a pain. If I had an SO who offered to help me it would be amazing!
Stuff on the floor: My new weight distribution is kind of throwing off my balance. Again, I can pick things up off the floor or scrub the floor, it's just harder. I would happily trade other chores for an SO to scrub the floor for me.
Furniture: Sturdy furniture is more expensive, sadly, but it would do wonders for my peace of mind. I keep wondering when my cheap office chair and IKEA armchair are going to break. Pretty sure neither of them was intended to hold 300+ pounds on a regular basis! Plus my hips are now overflowing the armchair.
Walking together: Please slow down a bit and don't be surprised if your partner wants to pause for a quick break now and then. You would think this was obvious, but considering how many friends and family members have left me in the dust, it's apparently not.
This is a very broad topic.
And some people start experiencing very heavy limitations even at 250 pounds, while others remain very active and flexible even at 500+.
sweetfattie:
This is very true. I'm currently around 360 and still fairly strong and mobile. A few difficulties have been developing in the last year or so, though.
Restaurant booths and chairs: Before taking your partner to a new restaurant, take a look at the seating arrangements. Most chairs with arms are uncomfortable for me, since I tend to gain weight in my lower half (hips/butt/thighs). And booths can sometimes be a tight squeeze. Hot, but pressure on my belly isn't conducive to filling it all the way.
Cars: I can squish myself into a compact car if I have to, but it's not very comfortable. Larger vehicles fit me better. People who gain primarily in the belly may have an easier time with this.
Air travel: I'll definitely have to get two seats if I ever fly again. If you're booking a flight for you and your partner, check their policy toward "customers of size". Southwest is pretty good about it. Again, people with most of their weight in the belly might be good with just a seatbelt extender. My problem is wide hips and butt.
Feet: It's getting harder to deal with shoes and cut/paint my toenails as my belly grows. I can do it, it's just a pain. If I had an SO who offered to help me it would be amazing!
Stuff on the floor: My new weight distribution is kind of throwing off my balance. Again, I can pick things up off the floor or scrub the floor, it's just harder. I would happily trade other chores for an SO to scrub the floor for me.
Furniture: Sturdy furniture is more expensive, sadly, but it would do wonders for my peace of mind. I keep wondering when my cheap office chair and IKEA armchair are going to break. Pretty sure neither of them was intended to hold 300+ pounds on a regular basis! Plus my hips are now overflowing the armchair.
Walking together: Please slow down a bit and don't be surprised if your partner wants to pause for a quick break now and then. You would think this was obvious, but considering how many friends and family members have left me in the dust, it's apparently not.
This is a great description thank you so much for you response!
Now is there anything in terms of daily lifestyle that you've noticed has changed or that you would want a partner to help with? (ie. certain house hold chores, etc.?)
Thank you so much! My partner is thinking of getting this big so I'm trying to figure out how to best support them
Thank you again!
5 years
Trans mtf
Heya! I'm a transman and have been out for a while now. I don't know everything, but I'm more than happy to answer any questions that I can for you.
5 years
