Exactly. I shouldn’t have to be debating him over what I buy and what I can afford. Regarding my own food that I have to pay for.

Most guys also want me past my intended weight goal of 300-350lbs which I am not going to put myself through that. One guy wanted me to get to 500lbs. I can’t do that without risking my health. Too extreme if you ask me.

I’m actually wanting to gain. The problem is though is that I get discouraged. Here’s some examples.

1. My goal is 300-350lbs weight wise. I’m in the middle weight wise as skinny fat. Having a partner would make up for that

2. I’m not big enough or muscular or fat enough.

3. I’m in the middle of eating and I get a message from a guy on Grommr that constantly annoyed me most of the time and it got so bad that I just stopped talking to him altogether because he was ranting about ice cream throughout the entire conversation while I’m eating snack cakes. Especially Little Debbie snack cakes.


Like seriously it’s really off putting when trying to eat and someone is trying too push you to buy ice cream. I would buy some the next time I go to the store.


Then the rant was over scales because I haven’t weighed myself yet. I explained that I don’t have scales yet to weigh myself and he was ranting about that. And the last time I weighed myself was in February of this year I was 190lbs

So I’m thinking about gaining and seeing how much weight I am pushing for. I may have to go it alone.

Well the guy that I was talking with wants me to be 500lbs but my goal weight is 300lbs. So I want to just not do it because my health is more important and I feel like that is where the one sided conversation comes in. I don’t want to risk my health beyond 300lbs. Yeah I want to be happy with someone who will make me happy. That’s why I am thinking about backing away from gaining.



I want to feel more at ease with gaining but not be told to gain more than what I want I am accustomed to,

Well most of my friends are married and already have partners. Some of them I haven’t seen in years. Otherwise I would love to get to enjoy doing different things. The biggest challenges that I have are.

1. Finding friends and a partner who can make me feel better without feeling second best. Or better yet being someone’s second choice.

2. I don’t want to be in a one sided situation. Some guys try to get me to go above and below my weight limit. Like really? It’s really confusing what guys want. Like I want to gain to 300 maybe 350 without risking my health. Some guys want me to go beyond my limit. like body contrast as an example. Muscular guy with bigger guy. I don’t fit in to either category.


3. I want someone who can make me happy and not make me feel like an outcast. Like I want someone who can give me the time of day and not feel so lonely. It becomes exhausting when trying to find someone you want to be with and spend time talking with without it being a one sided conversation. I put out but they really don’t put in energy. I just about give up.

I have tried different websites and dating apps. so far it’s been all down hill. Guys are either too far away or guys who are only interested in hooking up. That’s part of the problem. A majority of the guys are only interested in hook ups and it’s impossible in making a connection to finding a partner.

It’s infuriating that this is going on. I have had three guys message me and think my stomach is a punching bag. Gut punching is dumb. Especially when trying to find a partner who is into what you are into. I even made it clear that it’s not what I am looking for at all.


Just a meaningful connection would be nice. Being in a relationship with a guy who is into different things would be ideal. No matter if it’s belly rubs or anything like that I would be fine with in a playful way. Gut punching is not playful.

So I am definitely going to have to check out FetLife eventually. But so far my experience so far has been downright abysmal. I have had two guys trying to make my stomach a punching bag. It’s infuriating trying to find someone decent to talk with without being one sided. Grommr makes me feel like I should even pursue gaining altogether.

I’m at the point of just giving up gaining all together but I feel like it’s a burden doing it alone and for yourself. It’s really depressing when you can’t even find someone who is gay that’s actually into this.

Bump

Not really. I will have to check it out. It’s just mind consuming and exhausting trying to find someone who is into it and not just being your encourager. I kinda like the idea of having someone who is into mutual gaining.

At least someone I can talk to regularly and see what develops between us.