Follow
Farleysmom
8 years
Love Kik; will not have to give out my phone number to arrange for bus loads of BHMS. Hope videos of me (pretty decent-looking woman) leading large procession of BHMS from McDonald's parking lot to my apartment like a pleasant version of the Pied Piper story goes viral. How did the real story end again? Did the plague-infested rats eat the evil piper alive? It's been, like, 25 years since the last time I heard that weird story.
Farleysmom
8 years
Any other grown ass adults troubled by inability to remember details of semi-popular folk tales?
Farleysmom
8 years
Will need to discuss this with city hall employee in advance re: what is and is not legal. Need to tell BHM organizer to keep bus slogans and imagery tasteful and family friendly. Planning to say I am doing research on men's perspective on body positivity movement to explain the dozens of BHMS milling around in my parking lot. My small apartment cannot accommodate a small family birthday party, let alone this ginormous rock and roll fantasy.
Farleysmom
8 years
Mom STILL hasn't gotten me a new SD card, phone practically screaming at me to do something about overloaded storage space, so cute that it thinks I am permitted to do any sort of adulting. In desperation, used Kik camera to take pic of cat doing something adorable. Woke up Danish BHM very early in the morning his time.
Farleysmom
9 years
I don't know why ppl keep asking why I got into politics. It was to improve my chances with BHMS, the same motivation for pretty much everything I do. Except for the hoarding of a copy of every single regular issue of "People Style Watch" ever printed. I don't know what that's about.
Farleysmom
9 years
Wow! 41 people viewed my profile, and I didn't even mention my Bigfoot sighting! Really, the BHM/feeding obsession, having seen Bigfoot and served as the Chairperson of the 2016 Iowa Democratic Caucus, the statute of limitations having run out, and knowing how to train rats and mice to run in an exercise wheel is all I've got going for me right now.
Farleysmom
9 years
Phone down to 14% power, and I can't charge it, it got damaged somehow. I will have no access to FF until I can get it fixed. 
Farleysmom
9 years
Frequent, recurring fantasy: "I Dream of Jeannie" situation with Chris Farley lookalike feedee genie. Tonight, I also had a new fantasy of being able to travel through the sewer system like the killer clown from "It," coming up BHMS' toilets and feeding them.
Farleysmom
9 years
Went clothes shopping with my aunt today. I was picking out bikinis, and she said, "I think you'd look better in a one-piece, don't you?" I ended up having to get a one-piece because Kmart's Joe Boxer bikinis are stupid strings of dental floss that offer no support whatsoever. I would look great in a bikini--I just need the top to have support.
Farleysmom
9 years
I am on my mom's cell phone plan (I pay my cell phone bill), and the cell phone company snitched on me to her, saying that I have been visiting an "adult website" (i.e., this website.) That is an outrage! I am a middle-aged adult--and a paying customer--not a minor!