When I'm famous, I'm going to make unsolicited endorsements of a company that makes beds in the hopes that they will send me free beds. I go through a lot of beds...I'm done for now; going to check out BHM pics.

Iconic images of the Eighties: The Berlin Wall, Ronald Reagan, Madonna, me as a fat kid riding my grandmother's dog

Today I attempted to try on my old Bahamas souvenir T-shirt from when I was one year old and got a deodorant stain on it. The shirt was intended for a 3 or 4 year old.

On Saturday night, I felt compelled to put in a DVD because my fwb Bryan was bored sitting around waiting for me to finish my enormous dinner. We were celebrating the statute of limitations running out on my youthful indiscretion of Halloween weekend 2010.

My salt shaker is almost empty, and so corroded, the Incredible Hulk couldn't get the lid off. #Gross problems

Does anyone else wish that they made chocolate whole milk? Or that you could get a gallon of eggnog year round?

I have a lot of milk in my refrigerator. I thought I was going to have to chug till I puked to avoid spoilage, but I checked the sell by date, and luckily, it's January 30th.

Call me Jimmy Buffett, 'cause I've lost my salt shaker. (And my one pair of pants that fit.) I need a cleaning lady.

Finally figured out how to make calls on my Trac Phone.

OMG, check out the You Tube video "Fat Drew--Sedentary Lifestyle"! LM.FAO even though the sound is bad and you can't hear what he's saying most of the time. You can definitely hear when he says, "...Keep my kitchen fully stocked, keep Dorito s in my sock..." Haha haha!

Actually, I just remembered--Farley didn't start peeing in the vent until the "fun" puberty stage. I can't believe my baby is 3 years old. I've had quite enough of this "future" nonsense. Time needs to start moving backwards. We need Def Leppard, Reaganomics, and Estelle Getty. LOL

Wish I had someone to hang out with irl during the long hours Bryan is at work--someone who wants to walk on the wild side, eating graham crackers, listening to Lounge Against the Machine, and making paper doll clothes inspired by the book "Fifty Dresses That Changed the World." Once you get used to the illusion of darkness created by the walls' being completely covered with pictures of Chris Farley, my apartment is a very welcoming place to be. The smell is not my fault; once a puppy has urinated in a vent, there is absolutely no way to get rid of the smell. LOL

Any other millenials feeling compelled to Google "David the Gnome: The Complete Series" or "David the Gnome T-shirt?" How is it the 21st century? How the f--k did that happen?! LOL

Despite having the computer programming skills of a gerbil, I successfully managed to post something on the forum! Yay me! LOL. It is very distressing to be experiencing the deep, primal need to watch TV and having there be absolutely nothing of quality on. I used to have this problem at the same time every Sunday. Ihave sat through multiple episodes of "Bar Rescue." May God have mercy on my soul. LOL. Do any other American millenials remember sit ting through the dumb cartoon "Beetle Juice" because there were no other cartoons on at that time of day? If you really want to annoy a hetero male American millenial, tell him that you only ever watched the last 2 minutes of "Transformers," because it was on right before a show you liked. LOL. I am unemployed, sitting on my fat ass thinking about stuff like this pretty much all the time. LOL

new post created in extreme obesity forum
re: Favourite BHM fantasies

new post created in weightgain forum
re: Just drank oil for the first time!