Chapter 1 - the beginningI've always had a weird fascination with fat. I loved watching cartoons where a character would swell to enormous sizes after going on a binge. It made me wonder what it would like to be that big, to let go of myself and let the fat take over. I often would fantasize about it, imagining my body growing, softening and becoming big squishy layers of fat. But I never felt confident enough to purposely gain weight.
I loved food though, and like all kids I hated healthy foods. I wouldn't eat veggies and hardly any fruit. I opted instead for pastas and pizzas and sugary desserts, which in turn have plumped me up over the years. But never too much. I've been overweight for a while now, but not by much. I participated in sports thinking that I had to lose weight and be skinny like everyone else. I never really wanted to be skinny though. I liked the idea of being more muscular than a stick figure. So, for the season I would get slightly more in shape, losing some belly fat and gaining some muscle...but not enough to make me very good at the sport. Mostly because I didn't change my diet. I'm still eating all the greasy, sugary, calorie filled foods because I'm addicted and I still hate the taste of vegetables and most fruits.
So, I've always been chubby, something that I would cry over because I was afraid of being judged. I thought I had to be like everyone else, with their thin, fit bodies. However I soon discovered I didn't have to remorse over my body, I could find acceptance in myself as who I was and maybe even make it better.
My introduction to this new world of fattening and feeding came in the form of stumbling across an inflation video on YouTube. It was an animation of a girl being pumped up with liquid. Her stomach was bulging and hanging super low. The visual was accompanied by sloshing noises as her stomach jiggled and expanded. I just watched in pure fascination. I will admit, it aroused me, just seeing the cartoon girl's belly bulge and slosh. That video fueled my desire to see more, to find more big bellies to gape at.
From animation I went to actual people. People who had huge, distended stomachs and were moaning as they rubbed and played with it. It made me so weirdly excited to see them, and I just wanted them to get bigger. I kept on finding bigger and bigger fatties to look at and admire. I started looking at my own belly, which was chubby and soft, but not like the people I watched.
I found omegle, where I first really learned of the terms, Feedee, Feeder, Gainer. The guys on there told me about how great it would be for me to let go and embrace the fat. So I did. I wanted to try this all for myself, to watch as my own stomach would grow and soften and how the hunger would grow. I started to stuff myself, discreetly though, so my family wouldn't notice too much. I ate loads of pasta and pizza and ate snacks in between meals. I always had the biggest lunch out of my school friends and I would almost always get back in the lunch line for something more.
But my gluttony really didn't take hold until summer, when I had nothing going on and could afford to lay around all day and eat.
My stomach grew steadily over the three months we had and when I went back to school, I found that going up the stairs was a little harder, that I was a little hungrier during classes and that my belly had grown a little more. I went up another pants size and a lot of my shirts were too short to cover my stomach anymore. But I was excited. I found it amazing, and I absolutely loved the feeling of being stuffed. I would eat and eat and eat until I felt like I was going to vomit and then waddle up to my room where I would lie moaning on my bed, massaging my massive gut. It created a rush in my brain, a soft of tired calm that felt so good. I just wanted to keep on doing it.
I was becoming aroused by my own gaining now, not just the bbw and sbbw's I watched porn of. My own body was making me happy. Not only did I eat a lot, but I also watched hypnotist videos in my spare time. Videos that encouraged me to let go of myself and get fatter. To become the pig I truly always wanted to be. I didn't think they had much influence on me at first but after a few weeks of watching them, I couldn't go a day without thinking of becoming a fat piggy. I can't stop thinking about it even now, as I sit here writing this.
Most recently is when the urges have really begun to take hold. I just want to eat all the time and whatever I eat isn't enough. Things I used to get full eating, like Ramen, I would finish and want more. Just today I came home from school, popped a box of Tosquito's in the microwave, ate half a contained of ice cream and later finished off with a large bowl of Ramen. (Not to mention the countless pieces of Halloween candy I snacked on afterwards.) I just couldn't stop thinking about getting all the food into my greedy gut.
Gluttony has become my life and truthfully, I don't want to stop it because it feels so fucking good.
1 chapter, created 4 years , updated 4 years
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