chapter 16

When not getting herself into shape Angelica would shovel more food down my throat. She used me as her substitute binger. Whenever she felt like gorging she took it out on me. She made me eat in her place. My binges allowed her to vicariously enjoy all her favourite fatty foods without consequence to her own figure.
Angelica would often exercise in front of me. She used the sight of my immense, naked body to motivate herself. She worked hard whilst I sat on my butt and stuffed my face with snacks.
Slowly but surely the pounds melted off her figure. Though still overweight she was a lot smaller than she'd used to be. She had more energy. She was moving around more. For the first time in over ten years she started going out just to have fun. She'd regained her mobility, her life. She was no longer the massive ball of fat she'd been when I first met her.
As Angelica's body shrank mine swelled. Though I was less than half her age I was over twice her size. I'd taken her place as the family fatty. And unlike Angelica I didn't even have a job to distract me from my binges.
I was a full time fatty. I spent my days either spread out either in Angelica's old bedroom or in her old spot on the sofa. Sometimes I'd waddle over to the kitchen. But other than that I didn't move around the house much. It'd been ages since I last made my way upstairs. All those steps were just too much.
So many of the things I'd taken for granted were becoming difficult. Years of sedentary living had left my muscles hopelessly unprepared to handle my explosive weight gain. I wasn't strong enough to carry my own weight. I found it difficult even to stand on my own two feet. My legs were simply too weak to hold me. A short walk was enough to leave me sweating and gasping for breath.
I had to struggle just to lift my huge drooping body up off the couch. Even my arms were getting too heavy. So weighed down were they by fat that I was finding it hard to lift them. I could no longer reach my hands over my head.
My fat had come to rule every aspect of my life. It chained me and constrained me. It weighed me down and left me dependent on Michael and Angelica. With my belly hanging down almost to my knees and my buttocks spread so far that two seats could hardly hold me I could no longer take care of myself. My back was covered in bulging rolls. My chins had long since hidden my neck from view. My face was a round mass of fat. A huge red moon dominated by swollen cheeks and drooping chins. No sign remained of its original structure. My features were crowded out by fat. They seemed so small as they swam in that ocean of flab.
I could no longer reach all the way around my body. Michael had to help me wash myself. He still coddled me and cared for me. He helped me with all the things that I could no longer do for myself.
At the same time he pushed me further into obesity. Sometimes, as I watched him prepare my meals, I'd see as he mixed pure lard into my food. It was no wonder I'd been putting on weight. Once upon a time I might've objected, but now there was no point. I was too far gone. It didn't matter what he mixed into my food, I'd still eat it. Michael knew this perfectly well and he wasn't slow to take advantage. Sometimes he'd make me drink whole cartons of cream. I was his to fatten as he pleased.
Since then eating has been my life. I've long since settled into a monotonous routine of sedentary gluttony. All I ever do is sit on my butt and eat. Food is my only pleasure. I've long since lost track of time. Every day is the same.
On the coffee table beside me I see an old photo, a photo of a slender, shapely teen, so confident and full of energy. I wonder what she'd think if she could see me now.
I wasn't always like this. I used to be fit. I used to be thin. I thought my obesity was a challenge that I had overcome. I thought I was gonna be slender and shapely for the rest of my life. Now I know better. My thin years were just a phase. That slim, radiant girl in the photo was never the real me. I can't remember what it was like to be her. She was never who I was meant to be.
I'm lazy girl who can't stop herself from stuffing her face. I am a hopelessly out of shape woman too weak to carry her own weight. Deep down this is who I've always been, this weak butterball with no self-control. I am fat. I am lazy. I am hopelessly unfit. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat. The fat is me. It's who I really am. I am Porky Penny.

The End