chapter 8

(Ella)

After that day in beach I have been thinking. A lot of stuff. At the moment it is two o'clock at night and I can't get sleep. Sam fell asleep about one and half hour ago. I wish I could sleep like he does, his face is relaxed and he is breathing calmly. Okay Ella, you must stop thinking now. Everything just runs allover my mind without me having any control over it. Why he didn't say anything? What it would be to gain weight? How much? How it will effect on everything? Am I overthinking? I don't wanna deal with those things right now, I just feel way too tired...

(Sam)

I feel weird. I kind of got dissapointed that she didn't find my fantasy too exiting. I know I should not think so, but no can do. I feel that I'm unfair towards her by thinking this way. Damn it! Maybe I should take it easy on my project to make her gain, just to give her some time. I don't know, but she just seems to feel stressed nowadays. I don't want to make her feel unhappy, that is what I never wanted this to be like. I just wished that we could share this one..

At the following days, I didn't put anything extra to her food. By that I wanted to see if she would gain by herself, because now she had the idea of weight gain in her mind. Days went by. Weeks went by. I didn't notice any changes. That made me bit unhappy. I still didn't want to force her. Weeks passed by. We did things in normal way. She seemed more and more tired. I became blind on her gain. When I thought she had putted on few but at the same time it looked like she didn't. I couldn't be sure anymore. That made me consider again and again should I just keep on making her gain. I missed that exiting feeling of secrectly putting extra stuff to her food. I wanted to see her body grow more soft, so no matter where I would touch it there will be just fat to jiggle. And what I wanted the most, was to see her belly hang over her belt. I didn't need her to be extremely overwreighted, not yet, I just wanted her to grow more chubby in a cute way. Each day I became more and more unpatient. I imagined her face more rounder, hips wider and belly hanging. I wanted there to be body to love, not just skeleton and some skin. I hope she will understand some day. I hope I'm not bad person for caring her, in my way.

(Ella)

It's been long time since we last spoke about my weight gain. Since those sleepless nights, I desided to let go of control and see what happens. It's been many weeks and I have gained only few pounds. I don't know how that is even possible. Maybe it isn't that bad? I guess Sam has been putting something to my food, but actually I don't need to know. I don't even know do I really want to. I don't have to worry about it, because nothing has actually changed. That just means that there is nothing to think about! I can be totally relaxed about this! That feels like freedom of any choises. I didn't need to stress about eating, exercising, weight, staying on tune or any stuff like that anymore, wich made me really happy in a really weird way.