Chapter 16 - benefits part 2

"If I'm being to forward, we can sto-"

"No! No, it's not you, Heather. Really, you're... you're great..."

"Then... what is it?"

"Well..." I struggled for words, my tongue rapping against my lower lip. "You're so..."

She cocked her head.

I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. "I mean, look at you! You're beautiful. You're fit. You're incredible. And I don't know if you noticed but..." I let out a shaky breath.

"... but what?"

"But I'm fat," I said quietly.

I couldn't look at her. I looked down at my hand to find it squeezing my covers. Tears pricked at my eyes and I felt my whole body grow heavy with the weight of that admission.

I knew I had been gaining weight. I had seen the numbers on my scale. I had bought food, so much food, that had built the body that lay before me. I wasn't blind to the fact that I was growing. But I hadn't yet admitted to myself that I was, in fact, fully and totally fat.

In this moment, though, sitting with my shirt off, exposing the mound that was my belly before a woman less than half my weight, I couldn't ignore it.

And it gutted me.

Because there was only one person who could find me beautiful in this state. And she only came to me in my dreams. And when she did, I didn't even know if she cared about me.

I wanted a hole to open up on my bedroom floor and suck me into it. I wanted to fade away into nothing. I wanted to hide someplace where neither Heather nor my mistress nor anyone else could find me. I wanted, more than anything, to not be myself.

I closed my eyes and took a breath shuttered with swallowed tears.

And then I felt something on my stomach.

I looked down to find Heather's head dipped, her lips just above my navel.

She lifted her head slightly, her gentle, perfect, blue eyes catching mine.

"I love this body," she breathed softly against my skin.

She moved forward, kissing a few inches higher than before.

"I love how it moves."

Another kiss, higher.

"I love how it laughs."

Again, higher.

"I love how it holds itself."

Still higher.

"I love every inch of it."

She had reached my breasts and planted a kiss right between them.

"I love every part of it."

She kissed my chest.

"It is beautiful to me."

She curled her head to my left side and kissed my neck. I took in a sharp, involuntary breath.

"It is flawless."

She slowly kissed along my jaw line, squaring her legs on either side of my hips.

As her kisses walked, she whispered "It could be any shape... any size... any form... and I know I would love it."

She paused at my chin.

"Because what I love about it most of all..."

She kissed my lips then cupped her hands around my face, making me look her in the eyes.

"Is that it contains you."

She kissed my lips again.

"You are an incredible person, Jessica," she whispered, her lips hovering over mine. "You are loving and understanding and comforting. Just as you are. I am lucky to be here with you."

I wrapped my hands around her and crushed her into me, arching my back to meet her sooner. Our lips again became inseparable. I let my fingers spread against the soft skin of her back. Then I let them travel down to her rear and I cupped her small ass in my palms. I pulled her closer to me, feeling her gasp into me, raising my hips to meet hers.

She began dropping her hands down my neck, to my chest. She cupped my breasts with a light, gentle squeeze making me moan. My chest heaved, as did hers against me. Our breathing quickening.

Her hands traveled to my midsection.

My breath caught, the shame returning.

But she kneaded her hands into my belly and moaned. My body bucked up to her involuntarily and I felt her lips smile against mine. She spread her fingers, exploring what was there, and I tasted her reactions with my lips.

With that, my shame dissipated. Between her words and her actions, I felt nothing but love from her. I was starting to feel like I hadn't for months in my waking hours; like my body was worth something, like it was powerful, like it could be seen as attractive.

Then her right hand sunk lower.

Her fingers tickled where my underwear and pants met my skin.

She pulled her lips away once more, looking me in the eye with such a look of yearning. Eyes only for me, only for what we were doing.

"May I enter you?" she whispered.

"Please," I moaned.

And her hand sunk below my clothes.

~*~*~*~

Heather was curled into me, her head resting at my shoulder, my cheek leaning on her silky, blonde hair.

She was breathing softly, having fallen asleep easily. I kept an arm around her, my thumb rubbing the skin on her arm mindlessly.

She felt so small, so tiny compared to me. Yet, it was a powerful comfort to have her there.

My other arm supported my head as I lay there. I felt comfortable under my covers with her next to me, a cool night breeze easing in through my open window. I felt calm. I felt happy.

I had decided not to go to sleep.

I didn't want to see my mistress after having been with Heather. It felt wrong, it was having sex with two women in one night, even if one was while I slept. But I wanted to be there with Heather, to let this night be only hers.

I also didn't want to deal with my thoughts with my mistress around.

This day with Heather, especially after such an emotionally confusing morning, began making me feel so uncertain about my mistress and the last few months of my life.

And so I had resolved to stay up all night, as tired as I was.

I needed a night away.

So I lay there, Heather sleeping soundly curled into me, simply willing myself to stay awake.

I wondered what my mistress would think....