Chapter 21 - consequences part 2

For a moment I was still.

I stayed plastered to the window, my heart pounding, my cheek still burning, my hand still resting against my jaw.

Then, slowly my muscles began to soften and I began sliding down the wall below the sill until I sat on the floor.

My whole midsection heaved with breaths, my stomach expanding and receding deeply.

Did I do it? Did I resist? Or did I make it worse?

There was no question in my mind now that somehow my dreams were real. Painfully, jarringly, terrifyingly real.

Somehow that wasn't actually terrifying me though.

It was almost a relief to know; to have it confirmed that I truly wasn't crazy. I wasn't imagining my nightly weight gains, I wasn't projecting onto a client my dreams and seeing what wasn't actually there. As impossible as it would seem, there was simply no question that everything that was happening was really and truly happening.

Now that I knew that for certain, I could deal with it.

I hoped.

But what was my next move? How do you escape someone who comes to you in your dreams?

I looked around my office and just breathed for a moment. I waited until air entered and escaped my lungs calmly and evenly.

I decided step one was to get up off the office floor.

I reached up and curled a hand around the window ledge and grunted with the effort it took to heave my body off the floor. It was embarrassing how much strength it took just go get myself standing, and I felt a little out of breath again once I was up.

I stumbled over to my desk and plopped in my chair, leaning back into it. I tapped my fingers against the arms and tried to come up with a plan.

I wondered how much a plane ticket to Beijing would cost last minute.

There was a commotion outside my door, it sounded like it was down the hall. Then quick footsteps and heated voices I couldn't make out through the walls. More footsteps then my door banged open for the second time that day.

"Jessica!" Miranda seethed as she burst in the room. "We just lost Lumens."

I blanched.

"What in the *world* happened? You knew how big this was for us? You knew how much money was on the line?!"

"Of-of course Miranda," was all I could offer.

"What happened? Were you not wining and dining Rebecca? Tossing down the red carpet? This would have been our biggest client! How could you let her drop?"

"I... Honestly it was a unique situation..."

"Jessica, you have been out of it and spacy for MONTHS. You are constantly behind on paperwork and are missing meetings. I honestly was about to bring you in for review until the president of Lumens came in asking for you *by name.* This isn't acceptable, do you realize she was the reason I was even keeping you around?"

I felt my face reddening, my pulse quickening.

I saw the curious eyes of my coworkers peeking over the cubicles through my open door, which only made me feel more in the spotlight.

I looked down at my hands where they sat gripping the edges of my chair arms, my knuckles going white.

"No. I'm really so sorry-"

"Sorry isn't going to save this, Jessica. The board is going to be FURIOUS. I knew I should have handled it myself."

"If I can do anything-"

"You know what you can do. You can pack up your office and be out by the end of the day. I was serious, you were here because of Lumens. We lost Lumens, we no longer need you."

And with that, Miranda stomped out of my office, leaving the door open.

I sat there a moment, taking in what just happened. My insides seemed to sink within me, dropping to the pit of my stomach, my chest feeling like someone was squeezing it.

I started to hear whispering outside my door and looked up to see eyes being averted from coworkers who had clumped up to talk about what just happened.

I pulled myself from my chair and shuffled over to my office door to close it. Then I leaned against it and put my head in my hands.

I stood there a moment and just breathed.

I looked up across the room at the space below the window I had just done the same thing at not five minute ago.

Then I began packing up my things.