Chapter 29 - changes part 3

"I said, I don't care," I repeated a little louder, but still so raw. I wasn't sure where the words came from, they just fell out of me. As they did, I felt my legs begin to collapse slowly, as if they saw no hope left and knew they had no choice but to give up. The cuffs dug at my pudgy wrists as I hung more from them, my weight making my arms begin to ache with the strain of keeping me upright.

"Just... just give me a moment to rest. Please. I just want to rest." I looked pleadingly into her eyes as she stood stock still, staring at me with an intense glare that gutted me. The tears flowed. I felt like I had been ripped open and everything in me was there, bared for her to do as she pleased with. I had been reduced to nothing, I was less than her plaything, I was less than human. I had felt completely at her mercy so many times over the last few months. But tonight I realized it was finally, utterly, completely, and overwhelmingly true. And all I could do was hope that she saw in me that I was truly at my farthest limit, that I had nothing else to give. "Please, Miss. Please."

I closed my eyes and hung my head in shame as well as exhaustion. I felt unworthy to even look at her as I hung there knowing I simply could never be enough for her. I just sobbed and waited for whatever she would do to me next.

I felt her hands at my ankle. And then I felt cool air were metal had once encased it. I opened my eyes as she freed the other one, tossing the stretcher bar to the side. I watched as she straighten and gave me a look of deep pity.

"Stand up," she commanded as my chest heaved and then unending onslaught of tears continued. "Dear one, stand. I need to free your wrists."

With a grunt and a whimper, I was able to will my legs to take my weight yet again. Once I did, she freed one wrist and I could barely wait for her to free the other before my knees gave way. She had to jump back as I came down, kneeling with a thud on the floor, my entire body rippling once I hit the floor.

I continued sniveling for a moment, looking off somewhere in the dungeon. I placed my arms around my aching midsection, as if they could alleviate any of the pain within. Eventually I remembered myself and looked up at her, staring through droplets of tears.

I waited for her instructions, the sounds of my whimpering sobs echoing around us.

She sighed. "It's alright, Pet," she said, a touch of annoyance in her tone but I could tell she was trying to comfort me. She placed her hands on my shoulders, pushing to lean me one way. "Just lay down."

I let her push move me, coming gently to the floor unlike how I fell just moments before. Then I placed my face in my hands, curled myself in as tight of a ball as I could against my stuffed belly, and sobbed anew. Deep, quick breaths rocked my body in between my cries. My fingers dug into my skin, as if that could hold me together when I felt I was cracking at every seam. I wept, endlessly and shamelessly, because there was simply nothing else I could possibly do.

"Where did I go wrong?"

I sniffed, gulping down some air to quiet myself. It took a moment, but I was able to calm my sobs into a pitiful snivel instead of an onslaught of sobs. I was so wrapped up in my own misery, I realized I hadn't paid any attention to my mistress for what must have been minutes. I took one hand away, attempting to rub the tears from my eye with a fist, and looked out to find her.

She sat before me, facing away. Her fishnet-covered legs were crossed, he back leaned forward in her suit jacket, her hat must have been in her hands because her hair was exposed to the dim light of dungeon.

"What we do, Dearest, is dance. And I am an incredible dancer." I saw her head tip back as she looked up, one hand reaching toward the ceiling. She began making gentle, graceful movements through the air with her fingers. "Together we dip, we spin, we glide. But one of us always leads. The mark of a good leader, you know, is the ability to make their partner look good no matter their skill. You were awful when first I took you in. Truly, you were. But I was patient, I trusted my knowledge and experience, I lead you with grace and poise, and you quickly learned. And, oh, our dances were beautiful. I was so proud of how you'd grown. So, so proud...

"And then..." her hand made a fist in the air and she slowly brought it down. For a moment there was silence.

"When a dance goes wrong, a good leader knows they are who lead their partner astray. I must have mis-stepped. I must have grown cocky and not noticed the subtle signs I know to look out for, the warnings that we were headed for danger. Somewhere I let you stumble. And now we are here."

Her head tipped away from me as she looked down once more. "I'd lost others before, but none after so much time, and none to another," she hissed the last word with venom. "I was always too good for that. Until you. And now it seems my course correction has been a misstep in and of itself."

Silence again. I realized my breathing had slowly shifted to thick, deep breathes. The flow of tears had slowed to a trickle. I lay there, staring at her, not sure what to do. I wanted to comfort her, I wanted to apologize to her, I wanted to tell her that it was my fault. But there wasn't enough of me left to form words. So I lay there, watching her, waiting.

Her arms moved and I saw her hands raise her hat and place it back on her head.

"Don't worry, Pet. I will right this. I always do." She got up, crossing her arms and turning to look down at me. Her eyes shown with a new determination, her jaw set, her features radiating the power and control I had learned to rely on for so many nights.

"You are mine and I take care of what is mine," she promised me in a hard tone.

And I believed her.

And I ached for her to care for me.

She spun, heading back toward the door she had entered and stepping through it. I lay there, breathing deeply, waiting, wallowing. My mind was devoid of organized thought, no words trailed through it, it seemed just a pit of misery.

Soon, she returned, Quibly at her heals. She knelt down next to me. "Come on, Pet. Let's get you out of here for tonight," she said in the lightest voice I had ever heard come out of her. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered that she had fattened me, isolated me from my outside life, and ultimately trapped me for her own use. But her tone was so caring, so comforting and her words were so trustful, so promising... I knew I'd follow her anywhere.

And so, with a large heave followed by many grunts, I pushed myself up into a sitting position, my large, round gut resting outstretched on my lap before me. I then began trying to stand, my pudgy arms behind me. I huffed with the effort, finding it a challenge to even push a little off the floor with my belly so full and tender.

My mistress came to my side, placing an arm gingerly under mine. "Quibly, her other side. Gently. She's hurting."

Quibly shot her a nervous look then hustled over to my side, trying to be gentle like she asked, but grabbing me a little too rough.

Still, between the three of us, we got me up on my feet. I was breathing heavy, my body tired and aching as if I had just run a 5k rather than stand up. But still I followed my mistresses steps as she began walking forward.

We left the dungeon and went up the stairs, the same way I had come before, my mistress behind me pushing my large form upward, Quibly pulling be from the front. When we were in the hallway, they tucked my arms around their shoulders, Quibly's noticeably a little too short, and walked me at a slow pace, my steps hard and lumbering making my body jiggle as we went, to my little room.

In it sat a featureless green doll, the size of a human, with arms and legs and a perfectly round head. It was like something they might use in the movies to put a CGI person over later.

"Break the connection. She's just going to rest tonight," my mistress said.

Quibly quickly left my side, making me whine and wince as I had to adjust my weight.

He stepped over to the doll and took something from the side of its head. I could just make out a simple gold stud with a circle of jade inside, the part that was meant to be in the hole in one's lobe pressed through the green fabric where the doll's ear would have been.

He then removed the doll, propping it so it was sitting against a wall, slumping over sadly.

I crumpled into the chair, again curling into a ball. The tears came again, though silently. I closed my eyes but not to try to stop them, just because I was so, so tired.

I felt Quibly grab my wrist and I left out a soft, pitiful whimper.

"No," my mistress said quietly but sternly. "Let her rest. Just let her be until I decide what the next steps are."

With that, I heard the clack of her heals and the door opening then closing. Quibly quickly followed, turning off the light.

I sniveled a while more, I wasn't sure how long. But eventually I drifted off to sleep, more comfortable curled up on the chair than I had been in days.

For the first time in months, I slept peacefully without dreams or dungeons.