Chapter 4

He is quiet in the car, polite. He doesn't say much, but a few words he tosses into the air in the form of a question. I dont mind, I have always been the one to dominate conversations and I answer each question in a deep philosophical manner.

He grunts and pauses, I feel his eyes drape over me and then go back to the road. We stop at a small diner, a Mom And Pop Shop. Neon lights and faux jukebox included for $9.99. He orders a burger for himself after I order a chicken and starch bomb. He picks at the fries and smiles each time I take a drink of my frothy pink milkshake.

"So are you seeing anyone?" His eyes go back to his burger and he rotates his fries more.

"Not really, I tend to over power people and end up not being anyone's favorite..." I add some smart fluff to this sentence, something about being independent and okay with it. How I prefer both sides of my bed, and how my soap only has my body grime on it.

"So what do you do?" I ask him with my straw in my mouth, sipping the sweet cold cream and smiling.

"Well... my dad owns a winery and I sometimes help in the warehouse..." He blushes and tries to change the subject back to me, which I dont really stand for.

"In this economy- the only thing that sells is wine." I throw out there and place 1 and 1 together. This is how he is able to afford his schooling on campus, and how he is so muscular.

"True." Flat and plain he blurts this out.

We make some more small talk, and I pry from his mouth that he is also single. He might have tons of attention from women all over, but he is single. He likes school, and likes Smashing Pumpkins.

"Would you like to stay with me tonight?" I am taken back by his request, suddenly the quiet jock grew some balls.

"I thought this was a free dinner..." I wink at him, and accept the fact I will own a piece of him, if just for tonight. He is so shut off, I want to bore my way in and make a little house. So silent and so perfect in his mannerisms. He is like the cool kid no one can touch, but tonight I can. It isn't like I can brag to my friends that I tagged and bagged him, Mr. Football- but I can keep this secret for myself. I probably dont matter to him, but if he was trolling I am sure he would not have taken me out for lunch. Guys like him dont have to be polite to girls like me, he has his pick from the top of the food chain.

Little did I know who would own who from that night on.

I guess I was silly, meeting a stranger for lunch and then agreeing to being taken back to his house, of adult activities. He just seemed so soft and calm. I had been through health class and I knew how to put a condom on a dude, I can roll it down with my mouth in the dark.

Most people, Vanilla People, as I now call them- they just dont understand... The pure joy in serving someone, the absolute ecstasy in knowing you belong to someone, and the thrill of being punished. This was my first encounter with a fetishist. Never forget love is what you want it to be- soft, slow, hard, fast, fat, thin, tall, green...

I remember walking into his house, and I remember him insisting on showing me around. The marble counter-tops, the soft plush carpet, and the amazing staircase to the bedroom gave me insight as to this immaculate person before me. I slide my boots off again, after wiping them on the rug in front of the door to this palace of opulence. When I put my hand on the banister and started up the stairs, he stayed behind. When I turned he motioned for me to follow him.

We went through a chrome castle of a kitchen, with a chef draped in white icing. He tipped his head at us, and smiled at me as I tasted a bit of a pink cake he was icing. Then we went out the house, and into the backyard. It was full of birds that looked liked flowers and a few flowers that looked like exotic birds. We entered into what looked like a mix between a sound studio and a pool house. I say a sound studio because it clearly had thick walls, and the pool house because it was near a large lagoon. I stepped carefully around leaves in my socks.

When he released my hand so I could walk into the small building, it was dark and smelled like cherry and almonds. I stepped in and waited for him to turn on the light.

"I know who you are... You are selfish. You are loud, and need attention. That is why you are fat, your need for attention. You have a need to stuff an ache inside of yourself, through your mouth. You shovel food down your throat, and tie your body up. It looks like bread baking in a dish, wrapped in wire." His voice is calm and soft. I never take anything personally, unless they say it spitefully. His words make my heart beat. He can see inside and through me, the only time I have ever felt this.

My hands shake and I stand there, in this dark room, in my socks. I am listening to this man berate me, and my belly does a trick into my throat... He flicks a light on, and I had no idea he had moved across the room already.

A red lamp flicks on and I shield my eyes.