being a feeder

chapter 1

Feedism (and what it means to me)
I was officially introduced to the feedism subculture in a YouTube video of a college student who called himself a gainer and a feedee. In his videos, he would weigh himself, eat whatever food was handy, play with his belly, and talk about how much weight he had gained so far. Just to clarify, I was already starting to enjoy watching men gain weight prior to watching these videos, but his videos put a name to an identity that had been culminating in my mind ever since I was a little kid. This is something I was born to be, there's no way for me to change the fact that I am a feeder. Events that happened in my early childhood years set me up to develop the identity I now have today. Once I learned about it, I dove headfirst into the subculture. For hours on end I wrote, and read, and watched all the content I could find on the subject. And I learned a lot about myself along the way. I started thinking about guys gaining weight far more often than I ever had before, and I soon identified myself as a feeder. The word slid into my mental vocabulary like it had been there for years. Of course, just watching and reading about feedism couldn't satisfy me enough. With my new identity, I was soon ready to sneak out there and find a feedee partner. It wasn't something I needed, but something I desperately wanted. I felt like it would satisfy me in ways I couldn't even dream of.
When I met my first boyfriend, James, feedism wasn't on my mind as much as it would be in the coming months. But as we started to date, I could feel the tendencies of a feeder slink into my consciousness. I wanted to cook for him and feed him by hand, but he wouldn't let me (due to something completely understandable.) After we broke up, I made myself an account on a brand new feedism dating site to see what would happen. At this point I realized what I truly wanted in a man. I wanted someone to take to buffets and I wanted to encourage him to eat until he couldn't move. The thought of it gave me purpose and drive, and I couldn't wait to dive right into the feedism lifestyle for real. I talked to a few guys on the website, but none of our conversations ever went anywhere. I can say I'm glad they never did, because when I entered college, I met the literal man of my dreams.
I would be lying through my teeth if I said that feedism wasn't on my mind when I met Itay for the first time. I met him at a restaurant for Christ's sake, so tell me: could I really help it? Something along the lines of: "I wonder how much he can eat." and "His shirt is loose so I can't really tell if he has abs or not...no he definitely looks a little on the soft side." and "I wonder what it would look like if his button down shirt got a little tighter on him..." was always in my head. Every time I was in his presence, I could only think about how much I wanted to get to know him and maybe feed him everything I could get my hands on. When we first started hanging out, however, I decided to wait to tell him about feedism. Feedees (especially straight, male feedees) are extremely rare to come by "in the wild," so I decided to keep my little secret a, well, secret. On our first date, I awkwardly watched him eat a grilled cheese sandwich and a few fried foods. I later learned that he had noticed I was watching him eat and I realized that I had WANTED him to notice. On the second day we hung out in college, I watched him eat an apple and the candy bar I had bought for him. At that point I couldn't stand the temptation any longer and gave him a gentle, experimental tummy rub. He didn't push me away or anything, and it didn't excite him sexually at the time, so I continued. His tummy was soft and he definitely had a bit of an overhang (the part of the tummy that hangs over the hem of his pants) but it was nothing major. In a voice a few clicks higher than his normal tone, he told me that he used to be chubby in high school. Naturally my immediate thought was "Aww how adorable! I wonder if he'd ever let me make him chubby again..."
My first step was to tell him about my fetish. To say I'm ashamed of it is an understatement, but when I told him about it, he gushed about how cool it was for him to meet someone with a real fetish. (Simply put, my fetish happens to be male tummies for whatever reason, but that's for another essay.) Itay took it to heart immediately. He rubbed his tummy for me, put my hand on top of his tummy for me to rub it when we went to the movies, and let me feed him basically anything I wanted. When he told me he LOVED food, I really couldn't be happier. Less than a month later, I texted him and admitted that I was what's called a feeder. And I explained what that meant. Now he wasn't a feedee when I met him, but the moment I told him I was a feeder was the moment he eagerly became my feedee. I didn't even ask for it, he simply became my feedee just like that. I told him it might be difficult, since he seemed pretty active (being a now second degree black belt in taekwondo,) to which he told me: "You say difficult? I say cute!" He basically said to me "do your worst" with that knowing smirk I've become so familiar with. He said he actually missed being chubby, and I was more than willing to help him gain the weight back. It was like the floodgates had opened and I willingly dived into the current.
When we started doing feedism related things (feeding, stuffing sessions, etc.) I FOUND myself. It gave me an even greater sense of purpose. To feed him and feed him more than his body needed, to watch his belly get rounder and his face get softer - not to mention to see him enjoying it so much - meant the world to me. Itay also discovered a few things about himself as well, such as the fact that he somehow becomes "food drunk" after eating far more than he probably should. It happened for the first time one day after he ate one too many slices of pizza: he became extremely lethargic and goofy, even too full to move fast enough. His voice slurred and his thought process seemed akin to molasses. But the most important part to me (as a feeder) was the fact that he felt so incredibly happy and content, all because he was eating more just for me. Whenever he gets food drunk, I am sure to take care of him and pamper him more than ever to heighten that dreamy pleasure he experiences. To see him really take this to heart overwhelmed me with happiness. Once I had an identity all to myself and was allowed to explore it and LIVE it, I started on the path to becoming who I have always wanted to be (whether I've been aware of it or not.) Of course, when your new boyfriend starts growing out of his clothes, it doesn't go unnoticed.
The first time I noticed was the day I gave him the first proper tummy massage. The pleasure made him act goofy and feel sleepy and he drifted off beneath my touch. After Itay left, I told my roommate that it seemed Itay was gaining some weight, even though it was only a few months after I told him I was a feeder. She agreed, stating she could tell (especially in his tummy) that he'd gotten a little softer around the edges. Pretty soon his co workers started noticing as well. He told me they did things like poke his tummy and comment: "You're getting soft!" and "You got a belly going on." Everytime he reported this, it gave me power. I'll admit that. To this day everytime someone calls him "stocky" or a "big guy," I feel proud, even though they don't know the real reason why Itay has gotten bigger. And Itay loves the attention, both from outsiders and myself. For example, he loves it when I call him nicknames like "my little piggy" and "greedy," and actively encourages me to call him by these nicknames. All in all, the more I get, the more I want, although the entire process satisfies me to no end. The satisfaction grows and grows, much like his waistline...
I saw that Itay was continuing to gain weight when I happened to notice his blue sweater was fitting a little tighter in the middle. He didn't need a belt anymore. So I pamper him even more, because it makes me happy. I gush over the stretch marks on his hips, shoulders, and back. I count them and kiss them and trace them every time he gets a new one or the old marks extend. I playfully pinch his chubby cheeks and kiss them, too. I jiggle and rub his belly for hours on end and praise him. I tell him how much I love him, how much I love that he does everything for me and treats me right so I can take care of him in the one surefire way I know how. He basks in the attention. Neither one of us can get enough. We both found ourselves. With his recent weight gain, he remains to be unapologetically himself. Feedism is now as much a part of our lives as kissing each other goodbye, hence it becoming a lifestyle. It's our thing, it belongs only to us. It's a way in which we express our love. It gives me a sense of purpose I've never felt before, and it's special because no one else on this great planet can be my feedee and give me that type of satisfaction and comfort but him. I'm his feeder and I'm damn proud of that title. To put it one way, he gained fifty pounds and I gained confidence...go figure.
Again, he can't gain so much and have it go unnoticed. In fact, I LOVE it when people notice. As I've mentioned before, it makes me proud like nothing else. But when the attention is more, I guess, on the negative side...that's when I start to feel guilty. At first, Itay's mother simply commented on how big his belly was getting. Then she started telling him to go on a diet. She started telling me to help him go on said diet. She said the weight was going to affect his health and that he needed to go on a diet right now or else. Part of me is sort of sad that no one else but me, Itay, and a few trusted friends know that his weight gain is not due only to his gluttony. Part of me sometimes wants to scream to the world (or at least to the people I know) that I'm a feeder
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comments
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Chris69 3 months
i simply would love it to find a gf like you.
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I love the details and how sexy it is - thank you for sharing this!
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To answer billedmeupís questions, Itay has gained 50 pounds so far and weighs 227. smiley
I gained a few pounds but it got me up to a healthier weight cuz I was underweight when I met him, but since then my weight is the same XD
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billedmeup 4 months
Very nicely done. Congratulations on finding each other. Two questions: How much has he gained, and have you experienced any collateral damage (weight gain) with all the food around?
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Built4com4t 4 months
Brilliant...i love the fetish articulately explored from the ffa/feeder's point of view, in her voice, in her thoughts. More please about the enhanced sensuality they both experience thru her efforts.