chapter 3

I went straight to Brady's apartment. I missed him, and I wanted to clean up any awkwardness that might have remained between us. I wanted us to still be friends. "Brady?" I called as I knocked on the door to his apartment. I considered the possibility that he might be working.

"Yeah?" he sounded really not in to mood to talk to me. I was unsure of what to say.

"I, uh, brought some of the pastries," I said. "They're really good today!"

"Oh, that's okay. I don't want any."

"But you....I..."

"No thanks," he said.

"Can I come in?" I felt like I was being a nuisance, but I couldn't leave things the way they were. I knew I was being dumb, playing with fire, but I didn't care about being burned. I had become accustomed to the heat.

"I'm not feeling too well, so I don't think it's such a good idea."

"Brady, I really wanted to talk about what happened last night."

"Let's just forget about it, okay?" I heard him walk away from the door. I made my way back up to my apartment and realized another fight would ensue if I brought the food into the apartment.

I walked into the kitchen so I could try to hide the food. It just killed me to throw it away, somebody in the world could really use it and to waste it would be criminal. Cham was out, probably at the gym. I went into our room and laid out across the mattress thinking about Brady.

It was still late afternoon. I could have some personal time, but I'd be really embarrassed if Cham walked in on me. "Eli," I heard my name called.

"Huh?" I had fallen asleep.

"Wake up."

"Oh, hi Cham," I said.

"The handyman came by to see you," he said, face serious. "I told him you were asleep."

"Oh," I said. "He did?" I wasn't the quickest after a nap. I stood up and stretched a little. Last night's sleep had not been the most fulfilling.

"Yeah, I'm not your secretary."

"I never said you were. So you need to stop acting like such a...a...a jerk!" He walked over to me and stood over me. He was such an ass.

"I'm sick of you always bitchin' Eli." He poked me in the sternum and it hurt. "Shut the *** up."

"No," I said looking up at him. I loved and hated the difference in our heights. He was about 6'2". "I...I hate how you act and how you treat me!" His face contorted with anger and he pushed me onto the bed. It was so forceful that it knocked the wind out of me.

"You think I treat you badly?" I was pretty scared of Cham. "I could treat you so much worse. I try to show you how much I love you and you go and make out with the ***ing handyman." How did he find out about that? I didn't remember telling him. Brady wouldn't have said anything, would he?

"It was an accident." I wanted to sound more forceful, but I really enjoyed that kiss.

"You're probably going to go and sleep with him too. Is it because he'll eat all your shitty pastries? Is it because you're not attracted to me?"

"Why wouldn't I be attracted to you?" I shouted.

"Is it 'cause he has a job?" he hissed. "I ***ing work too, Eli."

"No, that's not it," I said. That sounded a lot like there was a reason I liked Brady over him. "I know you work hard."

"I could be a repairman and get fat. Is that what you want? You want me to get fat?" I hadn't considered that reality. I had always been attracted to size, but the idea of Cham putting on weight had never crossed my mind. I wouldn't say I would be opposed to it.

"I want to see other people," I said barely above a whisper. I couldn't take it, the fighting and being afraid of him.

"What!?" he yelled angrily.

"I think we...we should end this." I was terrified of breaking up with Cham. "I just don't think either of us is happy. I don't think you love me very much."

"You're breaking up with me?"

"Yes," I said softly.

"Are you going to go to the handyman?"

"I...I don't know." Yes, hopefully. He stood up and walked into the kitchen. I heard some breaking glass and him yelling about why there were pastries in the house. He walked back in. His wavy blond hair clung to his brow in a light sweat. The sides were shaved lower than the top, giving his hair the appearance of an almost Mohawk.

"You think you're leaving?" I was on the bed again, my back against the mattress.

"Cham, stop..."

"No...I'm not stopping anymore." He pulled my shirt open, breaking majority of the buttons. I couldn't say anything. He popped open the button on my jeans and started to pull them down. He kissed me hard against my mouth and I could taste chocolate. "I even ate some of your food," he whispered.

"Cham...stop...please." ; I felt his eyes glaring at me. I turned my head away, too afraid to look at him.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can." He kissed me again, much harder than before. "I can't let you just leave me." I thought he'd be happy with us ending things. Why was he trying so hard to hold onto something that clearly wasn't working?

"Cham...Cham...Cham! No!" He reached for the button on his pants. "I won't go, I'll stay...I'm sorry...I'll stay." He looked me in the eyes for a few moments. He got off of me, but not before giving me another rough kiss. It wasn't like I didn't like sex with Cham, but this wouldn't have been sex. This would be something terrifying.

"I thought so." He looked at me again before exiting the room, his hulking frame almost filling the doorway. "Don't go around the handyman anymore." I didn't respond. "Understood?"

"Understood.&q uot;