chapter 1

It was a particularly unspectacular morning in which it happened. A research assistant interrupted our biochemistry class and exclaimed: "Sue Abe, please come with me, you have got an important call to answer." The stern look on the assistants face seemed to make Sue hesitate. As she left her seat all eyes were on her. Ten minutes later the research assistant came in again and took Sues bag without interrupting the class and without explaining anything. Following this incident I didn´t see Sue for a good while. The next three weeks she was nowhere to be seen, possibly she wasn´t even in the country. As I saw her again, just sitting in a class as if she hadn´t been missing at all, I felt alleviated. While taking my seat pretty close to her I could inspect her. She looked worried, sad and quite stressed. Also her cheeks were a bit puffed up, maybe because she recently cried. The other students didn´t seem to notice her that intensely or they were unsure how to react but as I gave her a shy smile when she looked my way and she smiled, almost unnoticeably, back. I couldn´t sit still that morning, I had the urge to talk to her about what happened. Not that it was any of my business, but I really had fallen for her and she being sad was motivating me to overcome my anxiety. As the last class before lunch break finished, everyone was rushing out of the lecture hall, Sue remaining. I guess she couldn´t stand being around many people that would be asking her, or she didn´t want any contact to others. Nevertheless that was the perfect moment to engage in a conversation with her. I took my bag and went over to her seat. "Hey Sue, you look a bit lonely, want to grab lunch together?" I smiled understandingly although I surely didn´t understand what was going on in her head. She looked up as if she hadn´t noticed me coming so close. Maybe she just had assumed I would be rushing out just like anyone else. "Umm, okay." She responded shyly. As I swung my bag onto my back, I looked back at her standing up. Her dress seemed to cling a bit more to her than usual, accentuating her boobs and a small sensual curvature in her belly region. Her dress was striped black and white and therefore made any curves and bulges very visible. As we left the lecture hall in silence, me glancing to her multiple times in hope that our eyes would meet, I said: "I really do like your dress, actually your sense of fashion in general, I guess..." The last two words, markers of uncertainty were really unnecessary as I thought only seconds later. I did like everything about her appearance. She responded: "Hmm, thanks." Some seconds later: "I guess..." and she looked at me as if she had read my mind. I couldn´t hide my smile. Although she was distressed, her ability to sense and make fun of male uncertainty certainly hadn´t evaporated. As she broke eye contact I managed to detect a small grin. Mostly talking about the lessons we made our way to the cafeteria. I heaved my plate full of food, being hungry as always (Thinking costs a lot of energy!). But as I saw that Sue was taking a portion alike mine, I was slightly irritated. She, a rather small and slim girl, wasn´t supposed to eat a portion like that. "Whatever" I said to myself,"she is the most attractive human being you have ever met; don't whiff it with a dumb comment about anything." With that thought we sat down and dug in. As I watched her eating for a second, it seemed like she was somewhere else. Her eyes were like glass, not usual for her sharp self. As I uttered the next sentence, she seemed to snap back to her old self. "If I may ask you that question, what was it that stopped you from attending classes for the last weeks? I hope that wasn't tactless." Her face stiffened slightly, but her voice was clear as she answered: "I got the message that my brother died in a traffic accident, he was on his way to university." She seemed as if she wasn't finished with what she wanted to say, but she had to recollect herself. I knew that her family lived in Tokyo and that her brother studied there as well, computer sciences, if I remembered correctly. Some seconds later she swallowed and went on: "We were very close, he´s just... I mean he was just a year and a half older than I am. We spent our whole childhood together and he always looked out for me. You know sometimes siblings feel like rivals or can´t connect after puberty. We weren't like that. He never let me down, was my closest companion and the hardest to separate from in order to study in Germany. I video chatted with him at least three times a week and he was the first I always visited when I was back at home in Tokyo. The void he left in my life feels unbearable right now..." Her voice got thinner and quieter as she spoke the last sentence. Her gaze drifted downwards to her knees and although she didn't sob, I could spot a tear rolling down her cheek. I grabbed her hand that was lying on the table softly: "I am sorry, Sue. I didn't mean to make you miserable." She responded, while not moving her hand away. "It´s okay. I think I had to tell someone who isn't my family, someone who isn't shocked and sad. As I was there I felt like I had to comfort them instead of giving way to my own emotions. And now I had to come back to resume my study to not get too far behind, also I don't think that staying at home and feeling miserable in an environment where everything reminds me of him would be a good option." I couldn't believe that she just told me all of that, considering we never before went above small talk. However I couldn't let her hang. "Are you alone in your apartment? I mean, I am just asking if you have someone to not be lonely." "I live alone..." I interjected before she could decline my help: "Would you mind having dinner together? We could cook and maybe watch a movie, if I am honest, I could use some company as well." I smiled at her. "Thank you, I would be glad to." And she reciprocated my smile if not as bright. Her light brown eyes, still moist with the remains of her tears and illuminated by the sun which peeked through the grey clouds just this moment amazed me with their beauty. I felt conflicted between sorrow and happiness.