chapter 7 — the dessert

Now I’m here, left behind in the booth. On my own. With no girlfriend… Sweet!

And just to make things even better, there’s still a few slices of leftover pizza just waiting to be eaten! Oh man, BBQ sauce with chicken and cheese… it’s heaven. I chew them slowly at first to make the flavours last, but then I get like, possessed or something. I’m serious right, I’m just pigging out and manage to eat the four remaining pizza slices pretty quickly — on top of the four I already had.

Now I’m comfortably full and just sitting there in comfort. I look over at Hans’s table only to find that he’s looking right back at me. He smiles, with his full cheeks exposing their dimples, his lips showcasing his pearly white teeth, his eyes sparkling with transparency. I swear, I’m getting dizzy with endorphin overload or something. Oh god, he’s coming over to me.

‘Hey Killian, how you goin’?’ he says, as he sits across from me.

‘I’m alright man, how ‘bout you?’

‘You sure you’re alright? It looked like Mon dumped you.’

Oh shit, I’m supposed to be sad…

‘Yeah, she did, rub it in why don’t ‘cha? Of course, I’m not alright,’ I retort.

‘Ahh, cheer up dude. Mon isn’t the only good looker at school — there’s like, tons of opportunities Killian!’

Just then, a waitress clears my table and passes me and Hans a dessert menu.

‘You boys want dessert?’ she goes.

‘Dessert? Hells yeah! I’ll grab a chocolate sundae,’ I say.

‘Yeah, me too,’ Hans goes.

Anyways, we just talk to each other about stuff. Did I ever mention how his voice sounds? Man, he’s got this hot-as voice. It’s kind of the deep rough type… so sexy. I’m getting a boner just by listening to him. Or maybe it’s ‘cause he’s hot? Meh. Doesn’t matter I guess, as long as you get the point: I have a fucking hard on!

It turns out that Hans plays the same video game as me… except he’s a few levels ahead of me. After school he wants to get into hospitality… you know, cooking n’ shit, which is cool. See I don’t know what the hell I want to do after this year. No idea at all, which kinda sucks knowing that we’re going to uni next year. But nobody else knows what they want to do either, so I don’t feel too bad.

‘Awe, I’ve had better sundaes than that one,’ I say, finishing my last bite.

‘Mmm, yeah. It wasn’t too bad. See I would have stirred a bit of coffee in with the chocolate fudge to give it that slight coffee bean flavour,’ says Hans.

‘You serious?! That sounds pretty good! Have you tried it before?’ I ask.

‘No. But I do get all sorts of ideas when I’m eating food. That’s why I want to get into hospitality I guess.’

Hans’s parents start signalling like they’re ready to go home.

‘Hey look, I’d better head off, but it was cool chatting with you Killian.’

‘Yeah, you too. I feel alright now, I’m over Monifa,’ I say, trying to be convincing.

On the ride home, my bus had to pass through this ‘booze bus’. You know, it’s like when the police detour drivers to test their alcohol levels and stuff. They always do it on Friday Saturdays, when everyone’s coming home from the pubs and stuff. One of the benefits of public transport, we get to bypass interruptions like this.

After a good night’s rest, I wake up and have a glass of juice and bowl of cereal. Or two. Or three. Like, I don’t even know if I’m starving or if it just tastes so good. Probably both.

‘So, Killian,’ says Mum, ‘How did you go with your date last night?’

‘Oh, the food was great!’ I respond.

Mum looks at me for a few seconds, like as if she thinks I have more to say.

‘And? How was Monifa Koffi?’

‘Yeah, good, I guess. Or not. Dunno.’

‘Well… did you kiss???’

‘MUM! Are you for real?!’ I groan.

I’m totally taken by shock here. It’s like she’s hopeful for a daughter-in-law or something. Or worse, grandchildren.

‘Oh, come on Killian!!! I’m still a cool Mum, you can tell me about it!!!’ she coons.

‘Yeah right Mum. As if,’ I rebut. ‘Besides, she totally lost interest in me by the end of the night anyways.’

‘Awe, Killian! I’m so sorry! Why didn’t you say so earlier??? Oh, come here to Mommy…’

Farken Hell. Like, seriously, she gets all cuddly and smothers me with soppiness. I mean, hasn’t she noticed that I really don’t care? At all? So anyway, she then proceeds to bore me with some story about how she like, knew this man who kept chasing this one girl. Apparently, the girl kept saying ‘No,’ but with the man’s persistence, the girl changed her mind. Total cliché, right?

Well, the point of the story was that the girl ended up marrying the guy and having two kids named Killian and Cassidy. It’s like, I never saw that coming. And what is this? A happy ending or something? Pah-lease.

But all the sex implications remind me that I’ve got to call Iluka.

‘Now do you know the best way to forget about your problems?’ she says.

‘Not thinking about them?’ I respond.

‘Sports and exercise! We're all gonna play some tennis, and you'll have so much fun you'll forget all about Monifa!’

Sports and exercise? Hell no. I should have seen this coming.

‘No Mum, I don't feel like sport or exercise. Besides, I've got this massive project I need to get a start on.’

‘But Killian, some fresh air and exercise will get your blood pumping. Your brain will work on that project much more effectively.’

‘No, Mum. I'm staying home today.’

Man, I hate this. Thank god I'm like, old enough to rebel. I hated it when they forced me to exercise. Mum opens her mouth to argue but then my phone rings.

‘Hey Iluka, hold on, right?’ I say, before going to my room for privacy.
‘So, how'd you go last night? Still a virgin?’

At least someone is getting it around here. Or at least I thought…

‘Fuck yes, I am. How'd you know?’ he goes.

‘What? What do you mean, what happened?’

‘Well, I'm driving Anahera to her house right, and on the way the cops have like, set up this Booze Bus...’

‘Yeah so? We didn't drink last night.’

‘Yeah, well I do my breath test and come up negative yeah, but here's the kicker: The copper goes “Can we see your license?” and I'm like, oh shit.’

‘You fucking serious? Man, that's harsh, what are the odds! Mum and Dad NEVER get asked for THEIR licenses!’ I go.

‘So, we had to call my brother to tell him that the cops are like, gonna impound his car. Fucking joyful conversation man, I tell you.’

‘Faaarrrkkk!!! So, then what? How’d you get home?’ I say.

‘Well, then we walk to her house right, and when I go to walk in with her, she’s all like “Gee I’m really tired, thanks for tonight. See you Monday.” So, I go to kiss her yeah? And y’know what happens next? She goes “‘Nite Iluka,” and shuts the door. I fucked up Killian. I really fucked up.’

‘Gee man, that’s rough,’ I say, trying to be consoling.

‘Oh, that’s not the best bit yet,’ he goes, ‘so I get me a text from her this morning. And you know what she says? She wants your phone number.’