chapter 4

"You know," Caz started. "I don't care that I saw your...penis. You don't have to look like we're never going to be normal again." Oh, but we weren't going to be normal again. We had left normal behind when I was exposed in front of him. It might not have even been him with the problem, it was me all along.

My lack of confidence and inability to properly cope with my feelings for him would keep me from moving past this. Maybe I wanted him to see my most intimate part and just maybe I wanted him to say he liked what he saw.

"Thank you," I responded. School had ended and we were leaving. He was going to give me a ride home.

"Hey, how about we grab a bite to eat, huh?" I wasn't hungry, but why not? I may have started to feel really awkward around him, but I would hope we didn't have to stop hanging out. I really did like him a whole lot. It was a curse, falling for someone you would never have.

"Okay, sure." We had eaten and he came inside my house to do homework. He had eaten so much. We stopped at a hot dog joint and I just could not believe the irony. He had three huge dogs, Chicago style. He also had an order of fries and a milkshake. Being with him I may have been turned on the entire time, but he was a lot of fun.

Bianca, my sister, was on the couch watching some show I wouldn't ever consider viewing. It was on of those reality shows about the wives of semi-famous athletes. She stood up and walked over to us by the front door.

"Hey Wade," she said quickly, turning her focus to Cazimir. "Hi Caz." Oh yeah, she had a thing for Caz. I kept telling her he wouldn't be interested in a freshman, but so far, after meeting him, she'd been steadfast in her approach.

"Oh, uh, hi Bianca." She giggled like an idiot. "How are you doing?" Bianca was being a really big skank. I bet when we came in she pushed her boobs up as far as they would, trying to make sure they looked perky.

"Oh I'm fine, how are you doing today?" I wanted to laugh so badly. Bianca was never so overbearingly sweet. "I hope you had a good day."

"Yeah, it was...eventful." I knew what he was referring to and he blushed hard. I was talking red all over. He smiled, glancing over at me and I gave an embarrassed half-grin back.

"We have to do our homework Bianca." She looked at me bitterly and stormed back over to the television after saying, 'Caz, I will definitely talk to you later.' I actually laughed a bit at that.

"Your sister sure is friendly," he said once we were in my bedroom. "My brother's wouldn't talk to you that much." Wait, he didn't know Bianca liked him? It was so...obvious. I guess it was from being home schooled because she was laying it ALL out on the table.

"Caz, she's so friendly because she likes you...like a lot," I said, getting a bit afraid he might actually consider dating a freshman, that freshman being my little sister.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," I responded. Maybe he might even like Bianca. They would get married and have kids and I would be alone every Christmas and Thanksgiving looking at their happy family from afar. I almost started crying it was so depressing.

"Could you tell her I already like someone?" I wanted to ask who he liked but I wasn't a nosy kind of guy...most of the time. It wasn't any of my business.

"Ye...yeah," I said sadly. I just couldn't hide my disappointment. He liked someone. He actually liked someone. I'd rather he like no one and we could just be friends forever.

"He's a really good friend of mine and I heard he was into guys, but I never asked. I've heard some rumors but...I don't know." Was he talking about me? Could it be? My gaydar really was in need of a tune-up?

"You're gay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I am." He sat there on my bed. I sat in a desk chair. We sat there looking at one another. He was gay, and I was gay. I was pretty sure he said he liked me, and I knew for sure I liked him. "I like you Wade."

"I like you too Caz," I said with a smile. He smiled back at me. My bedroom was just a complete smile-fest.