chapter 5

The staff arrived gradually after I met the chef. He was a large bellied jolly man with a florid complexion. He wanted to make me a cooked breakfast as a welcoming gesture. I assured him I had already eaten. Besides which, it would be lunchtime in a couple of hours.
He did not need reminding of that! He'd started preparing for today late last night. He still had a lot to do!
Gradually other staff arrived, the cleaner hoovered, dusted and polished and left before opening time. The bar staff prepared the pumps, checked levels, put in orders with the brewery. The waiting staff cleaned glasses, laid and lit the fire, unloaded the dishwasher and prepared napkins and cutlery.
I helped where I could but I think I was more of a hinderence to them. They knew what they were doing.
The staff, although they empathised with my predicament did not have time to commiserate with me.
The doors opened at half past eleven and the first lunchtime drinkers strayed in. The first few looked like regulars. They knew the staff well and quickly settled into their regular seat.
A menu was thrust into my hand by the waitress who insisted on me having lunch. I was to sit somewhere in the restaurant. What did I want to drink? Customers usually had to go to the bar to place their drinks orders, but they were prepared to make an exception with me.
I ordered a pint of lager. I was not a big drinker, but I did not want to make a fuss, or disappoint them.
The menu offered typical pub style meals... soup of the day, fish n chips, scampi, mince pie, steak and kidney pie, chicken and mushroom pie, liver and onions, steak, roast chicken, burgers. There was nothing too fancy here. It was good old fashioned hearty meals. I ordered a steak and kidney pie, with vegetables.
I was not feeling particularly hungry, especially with a half pint of fizzy beer inside me. I burped discreetly as the waitress placed the plate before me. It was a large oval platter, heaped with vegetables, gravy and pie. There was enough there for two people, not just one! But she was not finished, she returned and brought me separate bowls of vegetables, a bowl of thick cut chips, an extra gravy boat and a selection of condiments.
I started to eat as other customers filtered in. As soon as my glass was noted to be getting close to empty, it was refilled.
The pie was delicious! The meat inside was so tender, the gravy was so fully of meaty flavour. The vegetables were well cooked, smothered in butter. I added extra gravy too. It was absolutely gorgeous, but I was full before I had finished half the plate. I had not touched the extra vegetables or the chips yet! I struggled on, adjusted my position. I did not want to disappoint the staff, so I pushed on, but eating at half my regular speed.
The meal took me over an hour to finish. I'd eaten a few chips, which were so perfectly crisp on the outside and fluffy on the inside, not dry at all. But I still had not touched the bowl of extra vegetables.
Oh I felt completely stuffed! My belly was so tight and swollen, I could hardly move! Yet, I had to find the toilets. Two or more pints of lager were having an affect on my bladder.
I tried to appear normal as I stood up. My head was swimming, unused to the alcohol. I walked slowly and deliberately to the toilets.
Once in there I released the top button as well as my flies to ease the pressure on my belly. Phew! That felt better! I could not help feeling the hard swollen mound that did not usually exist. I gave it a playful tap.
I could not bear to fasten the button and be trussed up again, so I left it loose and draped my shirt artfully over the top hoping that no one would notice the gap underneath.
I returned to my seat. My pint had been refilled again and a bowl of rhubarb crumble and custard had been placed on the table. I had not asked for a dessert, I was too full to eat it, but I did not want the staff to think badly of me. I sat down without a word, had another drink and took a mouthful of the rhubarb crumble. Oh, I had forgotten how good a simply rhubarb crumble could be! I ignored the heavy full feeling in my abdomen and forced more to the pudding into my stomach, washed down with even more lager.
It was nigh on two o'clock when I finally finished. Two hours of eating and drinking in the middle of the day! I was not used to this! I was ready for a lie down.
As the customers left the restaurant happy and full, I simply lay down on the bench where I sat and slept.