chapter 4

"Hello? Chelsea?" Gabby answered groggily, clearly awaken from a deep sleep by her ringing cell phone. "Is everything okay?"

Chelsea was bawling into the phone. Her words were barely audible through her sniffling. "I'm Obese. I'm never gonna be skinny again."

"Chelsea, calm down," Gabby said in a soothing voice. "You're not obese, all right? It's gonna be okay. You'll lose the weight."

"No, it's not," Chelsea shot back. "I've been trying too long and I get nowhere. I'm always gonna be this big."

Gabby didn't know what to say. Her friend was deteriorating on the other end of the phone, so she had to be gentle. But at the same time, she wanted to be truthful and help Chelsea. After a few moments of silence, she finally came back with "Well, there are worse things that could happen..."

"I know," Chelsea sniffled. "I couldn't sleep and I've been sitting here thinking about it all night and I... How did you become okay with being big?"

"Well, I confronted it head on," replied Gabby, still making sure to handle Chelsea delicately.

"Can you help me learn to be okay with it?" asked Chelsea, who was still crying, although softer than before. "I know I'm not skinny anymore and I'm never going to be skinny again because of my knee. This is who I am now and I just..." She started crying really hard again before finishing "...I just want to be happy like you and get on with my life."

Gabby felt so bad for her friend. She knew what it was like to struggle with weight. She had gotten through it, though, and now she hoped she could lead her friend through it as well. It wasn't going to be easy; she would have to take off the kid gloves.

"It's going to be okay, Chelsea," she reassured her friend. "We'll get you through this, honey. Are you sure this is what you want, though? You're really fine with the idea of being a fat girl from now on?"

Chelsea was still weeping loudly into the phone. After a long stretch without a reply, she finally offered a response. "Yes, I need to accept the fact that I'm going to stay a big woman from now on."

"That's not what I asked, Chelsea," said Gabby, unsure if she was being too hard on the crying girl but knowing that she had to be firm if she was going to get Chelsea out of this shame spiral. "I know you're hurting, girl, but if you're going to get through this and become comfortable with who you are, you need to do this, okay? You need to admit you're fat. Not 'big' or 'large', just fat. I haven't heard you use that word since I've been back. It's okay, it's not the end of the world and once you're used to it you will be better off."

Chelsea was a mess on the other end of the line. Gabby was dead right though; she hadn't used the "f word" in a long, long time. She wiped some of the tears from her cheek and took a deep breath. Finally, she said it.

"I'm fat."

"See?" said Gabby back through the phone. "No big deal, right? It's just a word."

"I'm so fat," Chelsea sniffled again.

"We're both fat, honey. Just a couple of ***es," Gabby laughed.

Gabby couldn't see it, but Chelsea managed the slightest smile on the other end of the phone, even though she was still choking back tears.

"Gabby?" she sniffled and hiccupped into her cell phone, "Can you come help me tomorrow? I think I want to go get new clothes and get this all over with."

"Of course I will, babe. You know I'm always here for you."

They said their goodbyes and Chelsea went back to her bed and tried to sleep again. She thought about what had just happened and what she was in store for. She meant what she had said to Gabby; she was ready to put the past behind her and begin a new chapter in her life. That skinny little cross country runner was dead and gone. She placed a hand on her large, round belly. This is who she was now. She drifted off to sleep thinking about what tomorrow would bring.