chapter 4: enablers

We had been married just over two years before we decided to take our first trip back to the weight conscious northeast and spend the long Thanksgiving weekend at our former home. This meant, of course, that a lot of family and friends would be getting a look at us for the first time in quite a while. It didn't really occur to us that anyone would comment on our by now quite obvious weight gains. After all, none of our new friends down south ever mentioned it, and to us it was no big deal at all.

It turned out that the only person who really said anything was Carol's mother. Everyone else employed euphemisms which, rather than being embarrassing, only served to give positive reinforcement to our damaging new eating habits.

There wasn't a single person who came right out and said, "Hey, you guys better watch it. You're getting fat!"

Instead, we heard a steady litany of flattering comments. Here are a few examples:

"You look wonderful!"
"You have such a happy look!"
"Marriage certainly suites the two of you!"
"It's obvious that you guys have really settled down!"
"Life down there must be great!"
"You both look so healthy!"
"Married life has been very good to you!"
"You guys must really enjoy being married!"

As soon as my mother-in-law saw us, however, she said, "Well look at my two chubby children! Marriage certainly suits the two of you! How much weight have you both gained?"

"I don't know, Mom," answered Carol. "We never weigh ourselves. A few pounds, I guess."

"Oh, I think it's more than a few," she laughed. "Look at this," she said, poking Carol's pudgy midsection. "This is new." Turning to me, she gave my stomach a couple of pats saying, "And so is this! Over the weekend I am definitely going to get you two on a scale. I am dying to find out!"

The truth was, it was impossible not to notice that we'd put on weight, especially if you hadn't seen us in a couple of years. First of all, our faces were a dead giveaway. Our angular features had completely disappeared and had softened considerably. We now had much rounder faces and our chins were on the verge of doubling. One glance and you could see that we weren't missing any meals.

My love handles had begun to thicken and sort of creep around to the front. While wearing t-shirts, which I no longer tucked into my tight, size 40 jeans, it was apparent that I now had a "stomach." (I have always despised the term pot belly" and refuse to use it.)

Carol's breasts and backside had been the beneficiaries of most of her new weight, but her cute little muffin top was no longer so little and had been joined by a tummy roll spilling slightly over the waistbands of her snug size 12 skirts and slacks. Her arms had gotten plumper as well.

We just looked......well......bigger.

One thing we learned during that trip was that when you're getting fat everyone is an enabler. Your overweight friends and relatives constantly encourage you to overeat because they're afraid that at some future date everyone will be thin but them, so they're overjoyed to see a couple more people join the fat club. Your thin friends are always tempting you and waving fattening desserts under your nose because seeing you getting fat gives them a sense of their own superiority. Clearly, since they've managed to stay thin, they possess a strength of character that you do not.

So we were getting it from both sides that weekend, and as it was Thanksgiving, there was plenty of food around to challenge our excellent appetites. Everybody was pushing food toward us, and why not? It was pretty obvious that we liked to eat, and eat a lot. I'm sure many people noticed that we could really put it away. Before we went home, however, Carol's mother was able to satisfy her curiosity and persuade us to get on a scale.

"Okay, first remind me how much you weighed when you got married."

"Well." said Carol, "We had gone on that awful diet and I was 130. What did you weigh, Tommy?"

"I was 160," I answered.

"Okay then. Let's see the damage. You first, Carol."

Carol stepped gingerly on the digital scale which flashed, 169.

"Oh my!" my mother-in-law chuckled. "That's quite a jump, isn't it! Now you, Tommy."

Suddenly conscious of the tightness of my jeans, I stepped on: 203.

"So, Carol, you've gone up 39 pounds and Tommy, you're up 43. That's 82 pounds between the two of you. That's a pretty good chunk of weight to gain in a little over two years, you know. You must sure be enjoying the food down there."

"Mom, we don't really worry about it."

"And you shouldn't, Honey. You both look great. You really do. It's okay to put on a little marriage weight. A lot of couples plump up a little when they get married. Just be careful that you don't let it go too far, that's all. You don't want to get too fat."

"Okay, Mom," Carol laughed. "You've embarrassed us enough. Eventually the weight'll come off."

"I'm not so sure about that, Honey. Not the way you two can eat."

Looking back, that was the point where we should have drawn the line. Carol's mother was right: we had gained a good chunk of weight in a fairly short time and it was obvious even then that we needed to lose some. It wouldn't have killed either of us to have knocked off 15 or 20 pounds each and even that would have been only half of what we'd gained.

But the subject of losing weight never came up. We never even discussed it. Why should we bother about trying to lose weight? Hadn't everyone told us how wonderful we looked? How it was a good sign for a newly married couple to put on a few pounds?

The truth was that splurging and overeating had become our lifestyle. We may have begun married life as a young couple with good, healthy appetites, but as we grew so did our portions. We had turned into certifiably big eaters. And it showed. After two and a half years of marriage we looked exactly like what we were: another happily married young couple who were getting fat.


(More to come of our story. I hope this chapter is easier to read. I was not satisfied with the layout of the first three chapters, so this time I tried double spacing.)