chapter 2

Three Years Later

The last thing I remembered was feeding my mother's rescue pitbull, Jelly Bean. Then nothing. I later learned I was one of millions who died...crumbled to dust if you want to be technical... that day that Thanos snapped his fingers.

Finding myself lying face down on the floor of her old kitchen was...a shock. My mother and the dog, both survivors, were gone by then to a different home, but the new homeowner was certainly shocked to see me lying there.

Rejoining the land of the living was...difficult. Jobs, friends, family, the food supply, the economy, had all altered in those five years, to fit the current situation and current population. The planet wasn't ready to double in size with another snap of the fingers. "Returnees" as some called us, often found ourselves out in the cold when it came to getting back our old jobs and apartments. Some of the survivors even hated us for upsetting the new balance they'd gotten used to.

I watched the recorded fight on TV over and over, like a lot of people. I could really only see him from the chest up, but Thor was there with the rest of them in the final confrontation with Thanos. He looked different though. Sad somehow. Like he'd lost something precious he could never get back. And exhausted. He looked broken and exhausted.

His hair was longer now, in messy braids that looked like dreadlocks, and a long unkempt beard in a braid. I couldn't see much else because of the glare of the lightning.

He brandished Mjolnir in one hand and Stormbreaker in the other, lightning flashing around him. He looked powerful. He looked unstoppable. He looked like he was on another level now; he really was a god, and just as distant.

We lost some of our heroes that day, and later reclaimed a few. Tony Stark was gone. Black Widow was never coming back. Captain America had returned to us an elderly man, but when Captain Marvel was kidnapped by Ronan, he returned to the time he left in 2019, using the Time Stone, and sent Dr. Banner to return the stones instead. Steve Rogers gave up his old life, and the love of his life, for a second time, to return to us as a man in his 30's in 2019. It broke everyone's heart. But we needed him. They were supposedly building some kind of ship that could carry them across the galaxy to search for their kidnapped friend, but I didn't know any more about it than anyone else who watched the news. We were just thrilled to have two Captain Americas when we'd lost Iron Man and Natasha.

There was a lot of depression and a lot of confusion at a time we all should technically have been celebrating. But we'd lost so much, our win didn't feel like winning as much as surviving at all costs, and the costs had been high.

I hadn't been able to get my job back, so I decided to spend way too much money on a plane ticket to a science conference in Oslo. Why these things always had to be in the frozen north was beyond me. But I'm wrapped up in two sweaters, leaving our conference in hopes of hitting an open grocery store before 8.

A friend had told me about this stuff in a can Norwegians had nicknamed "Plane Crash", because the mixture of fish and tomato sauce was so disgusting to look at. I'm examining the label with no intention of buying it, when someone catches my eye.

Thor POV

Oh my. Part of me wants her to recognize me. Part of me wants to run and yank her into my arms. Part of me is clawingly desperate for a familiar face, a known voice.

But too much has happened. She probably hates me. I disappeared that day and never saw her or called her again. It certainly wasn't planned, but this is literally the first time I haven't been busy in three years. And I am changed...fundamentally, physically and emotionally. I don't know that I can be the man I used to be. I look down at my new body. No woman would want this. I'm slowly getting used to the laughter that follows me around now the way the gushing catcalls used to. But I don't think I could take it from her.

Sophie POV

I look up and someone is staring at me. He looks away quickly when I see him. "Thor?"

"Hi", he says, smiling, but it's the fakest smile I've ever seen. "Sophie, I thought that was you. It's good to see you, how are you?"

"Alive, which is more than I have been", I answer. Damn, I hadn't intended to sound that bitter.

"Oh...you were one of the...I'm sorry", he says. I look him over. He's...big. For some reason, it didn't come across on TV where I could only see him from the chest up. But now...I know my eyes are registering shock because he looks down and tries to run away. "I'm really sorry", he says again. "I should...go..."

"I was so sorry to hear about your father and brother and Heimdall", I say. "And Asgard. I'm sorry... about everything I guess."

"I....", is all he says.

"Come here", I motion to him, and he walks over, looking uncomfortable. I hug him, and I know I'm holding him too long, but after a stiff moment or two, he seems to relax in my arms.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call you", he says.

"Well, you know...the Nine Realms were at war, and then your planet was destroyed, and your family...and then...you've been busy."

"I had years", he corrects, "But I just couldn't. I couldn't...do anything. That's why I didn't even know you were among the lost. I'm sorry, there's no excuse. I just...lost my world...literally and figuratively", he says with fake humor, "And I just couldn't see anyone. I had what remained of my people, and they needed a home. I built them a home. But I couldn't face anything else."

"Sounds like I wasn't the only one who was lost", I offer.

Steve comes up behind him. "Thor, I couldn't find the right batteries here, this is a grocery store, I think we need to go somewhere else...." He stops when he sees me.

"Steve Rogers", I say, "We met years ago in New York when I went on my first date with his guy."

"I remember!", he shouts and throws his arms around me. No matter how much he loses, Steve's friendliness and positive energy are real. His smile is genuine. He seems to be as fully recovered as Thor is not. "Sophie, I remember, it's wonderful to see you again."

"How are you?", I ask.

"Okay", he answers, revealing his losses, "I'm hanging in there."

"I think we all are", I say.

"Listen, we were going to go get a drink, you want to come with us?", Steve asks, and Thor shoots him a confused look.

"You said we were going to look for batteries", he corrects. Steve tries not to roll his eyes.

"We can do that tomorrow. It's not every day you get to take a pretty lady for a drink, right? Come on, Thor, we want to know how she's been doing, right?" He glares at Thor.

"Yes, we do. I...do", Thor says, and for an instant he looks hopeful.

"Okay, then", I answer.

Thor is down five tacos and an entire platter of green corn enchiladas while he describes the final fight with Thanos. "I had lightning coming out of every part of me...I mean that had never happened before! I'd never seen that before!" We're on our second pitcher of margaritas.

"No one had ever seen that before", Steve corrects.

"And this guy...this guy...catches my hammer like it's his! Out of midair!", Thor howls. "I knew it. I knew it that day you budged it at the bar. You were always worthy."

"Well thanks, man", Steve says, patting him on the shoulder. They're quiet for a second.

"I'm sorry about Tony and Natasha", I say.

"Yeah, it's...hard. But it's getting easier every day and we're distracted right now because they've taken Carol. We have to get her back...Thor was supposed to head out with a new group of us, but he's agreed to stay until we've finished designing a new space craft."

"I heard about that", I say.

"But we go out to the cabin to see Pepper and Morgen all the time, and they're doing well", Steve says, trying to smile.

"Good, good." I smile myself. We go through the rest of the pitcher, and some more old times, and Steve announces they have to get to work early tomorrow morning and should go.

"Listen, I'll find my own way home", Steve says.

"No!", I insist.

"No, she doesn't want...we're not...", Thor starts. Steve holds up his hand.

"I'm Captain America, what'dya think I'm gonna get mugged on the way home?", Steve jokes.

"Of course not", Thor says, as literal as ever.

"So take Sophie home", Steve says, pats his friend on the back, and leaves us.

"Subtle", I laugh.

"I hope you don't mind", Thor says.

"I'm happy to get a chance to talk to you", I answer.

He parks a little electric car he barely fits in near my hotel. "I think this is it", he says.

"Yes, it is", I confirm. This is so uncomfortable.

"Can you walk me....?"

"Yes!", he says, and walks me to my room.

"It's great seeing you again", I say.

"Oh yes, same, same....", he stutters.

I pull him into my arms. "I mean it. I missed you."

As his low rich voice rattles against my ear, my bones vibrate. "Not as much as I missed you", he responds. "I'm so sorry again I didn't try to find you..."

"I wasn't here", I say, a tear dripping down my cheek. I've never cried for myself. Not once.

"I hate myself that I didn't know that. Thanks be to the All-Fathers you're back...and thank you for not...making a big deal about my weight."

"You look great, Thor", I offer.

He tenses up and tries to push me away, but I won't let him. "I know we've all been blowing sunshine up each other's asses for hours now, but...please don't", he insists.

"I told you, Thor, I told you the day we met that I liked big guys", I tell him.

"You meant what I used to look like", he says.

"No I didn't. I wasn't going to throw you out of bed for eating crackers for having that perfect body of yours, but I didn't mean muscular, I meant heavy...to be brutally honest, as far as sexual attraction goes, I'm more attracted to you now than I was then", I answer.

"Don't lie to me, woman", he g