Vegetables make you fat

chapter 2

Half an hour later and I was still seated over the toilet as I peered over my smartphone. Some of the stories I’d found were pretty titillating, and I came close to jacking-off a couple times, but I knew if I did, my virility would fail me tonight when I needed it most. Then again, I had no condoms, and Jessica insisted on nothing but natural, home-grown food entering her body, so I doubted she was on the pill. Oh well… I could delete her contact info and block her if I had to.
Speaking of social media, I checked her Instagram for the hell of it. Sure enough, the photos I took were already uploaded. No mention of me, just empty encouragements and superficial positivity. I wondered how many people realized that for every such photo of a woman they thirsted for, there had to be some schmuck like me behind the camera to take it…
I noticed that I could hear her voice faintly from the bedroom. It was light and bubbly now, full of energy and compassion. Flushing, I readied myself and crept past the hot spa towards the door, curious to learn what had changed her demeanour.
“… also, click the link below for some tips on some proper nutrition for your vegan diet. Leave a like, subscribe, and I’ll be seeing you around. Bye!”
When I opened the door, she was smiling at her phone without sunglasses, sitting cross-legged on the bed, tactically-placed to have all the paintings at the head of the bed behind her, all centred around a large panorama of a herd of rearing, neighing horses at full gallop. When she saw me, the smile faded behind a mask of royal contempt.
I stepped forwards. “Was that for your YouTube ch—” my knee banged against a trolley loaded with an assortment of expensive cuisines, composed of fruits, vegetables, rows of bread samples, soups, and salads with a side of soy milk. Besides the pangs of discomfort, I felt cheated by the unannounced splurge of my money, as well as the fact that much of the food was already eaten.
“Darby! Don’t spill my food! And close that door!”
“Sorry,” I reached back for the bathroom door and closed it, sealing whatever smell inside from Jessica’s upturned nose. “When did you get this?”
“While you were in there?”
I leaned over the assortment of dishes, looking for something that would satisfy my hunger while I yearned for meat. Some apple slices were already beginning to turn brown, and I winced at the sight of them.
“Darby,” Jessica leaned back against the bed with her legs crossed, pushing her chest upwards.
“Yes?”
“Are you even a vegan?”
“…yes?”
“I don’t think you are.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You didn’t think I wouldn’t find that picture of you? The one where you had cheese in your salad?”
“Cheese isn’t meat though.”
“Vegans don’t eat dairy!”
“Then what about this half-finished milk right here?” I pointed at the far side of the trolley.
“That’s soy milk you retard! I should’ve known you were a cheat.”
“I’m not a cheat…”
“Yes, you are.”
“I just didn’t major in nutrition. So I mixed the terms ‘vegan’ and ‘vegetarian.’ That doesn’t mean I’m trying to do anything wrong.”
“Well, you should pay attention. You are what you eat.”
“Okay,” I had to salvage this night, or I’d be getting nothing for all the money I’d spent. “How about you teach me? I care about animals too, you know.” Once again, I had lied. I was a dietician, but I needed to metaphorically get on my knees for her.
Jessica flicked-up her fingers, drawing me in. “Bring the trolley a little closer. Sit next to me.”
I did as she asked, and felt my being throb with sexual passion. Not jacking-off was the right decision after all. With slender hands, Jessica daintily took hold of a fork and began spearing layers of salad.
“This is your main source of carbs,” she explained proudly, immersed in her craft. “The olives provide healthy, lean fats, while the croutons serve as an extra source of grain,” she shovelled a bite of the stuff into her mouth, lips pouting as she chewed thoughtfully. “Now,” she swallowed. “You have here some white bread and wheat bread.”
“I like white bread,” I offered helpfully.
“Please. Let the expert talk. You want wheat bread because it’s healthier for you. Another good source of carbs.”
“What about protein?” I asked.
“That’s what these beans are for,” Jessica said before popping a slice of bread in her mouth. “You… eat these…” she continued with swollen cheeks. “For your protein,” swallowing, she scooped some beans with a spoon and got it into her mouth. “’Scuse me, I’m really hungry after that stupid drive… okay.” She swallowed again. “Now, instead of drinking milk from cows, you drink this soy milk instead.”
To demonstrate, Jessica grabbed the carton of soy milk, leaned back, and poured the white liquid into her mouth, lips wrapping around the hole like a calf on an udder.
“Isn’t that full of estrogen?” I asked as she tilted the carton up between big gulps.
She rested it against her thigh, shaking her head. “I didn’t say you had to drink it.”
“Well…” I wrapped my arm cautiously around her waist. “If I’m not going to drink any of that, maybe we can do something else?”
“No thank you,” she pried me off of her.
“Something… else?”
“Just put the TV on or something.”